A
female
 ,
*emused
writes:This is a tough question so I thought I would post it here. My sister, who was divorced a couple of years ago, has been seeing a very nice man for a couple of years. I do not think she appreciates what a nice guy he is. She does not live in this city and I was out on the town tonight and I saw her with another guy in what looked like a 'stolen weekend away' scenario. To test my suspicions I went up and said hello. She looked guilty and cornered and he looked confused. Naturally I will side with my sister and say nothing about her cheating to her current boyfriend but I am considering telling her that she should have the sensitivity to either break it off with him or end this fling that she is having right now. It is difficult to know what to do. I do not alienate my sister and but I think what she is doing is so wrong on so many levels. How do I handle this without alienating my sister and still sticking up for her boyfriend?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 Hi in a lot of ways I totally agree with Bev Connolly's comments.
I am close to my one and only sister and over the years I have not agreed with her choice of husband and boyfriends as they are seemed to have a huge P on their foreheads for Pratt and I told her so. She always went out with guys she knew as friends and it always ending up being a time of hurt and no matter what I said to her it always created huge arguments.
I ended my relationship last year with my partner of almost 20 years and she never liked him but she never passed a lot of comments until we split up.
She is now in a relationship through an internet dating site which she went on as I had joined and she has found a fantastic guy who she has had to discover as she didn't know him first. I am no longer on any sites but the point is she is living her life her way and she is happy.
I understand the fact that you feel she is morally doing the wrong thing but why are you so concerned? Do you like her current b/f yourself? I am not trying to be sarcastic but you have to ask what your motives are about.
My sister is coming up for being 44 and she is an adult and I will be 41 this year so we each know our own minds.
How old are you and your sister?
Once we go out into the world and live our lives and have children we grow up quite dramatically and we make our own mistakes.
If you want to talk to your sister just ring her and ask her if she is OK but don't mention the other guy, don't avoid her but don't involve yourself either. Bite your tongue as I think by passing judgement, you will definitely alleniate her.
If your sister brings it up then fine but say look it's your life and what I think is not important in this as I don't want to get involved. I love you and I am here for you if you ever need me but you live your life and I will live mine. It is not sounding cold but very grown up and practical so just concentrate on you right now.
Are you in a relationship at the moment? I know when things were going wrong in my relationship or I am not in a relationship seeing what my sister was getting up to was more important to me but when you are busy with your own life, you have no time to think about your siblings.
Don't think that we are not here for you and you can talk to any of us whenever you want to so you are not being judged just being given some friendly advice from some friends that's all OK.
BFN
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (20 May 2006):
 If Sis was married and divorced, then she's an adult, and this is not your concern.
Sure, she's probably making a mistake in screwing around on the side, when her BF sounds like a nice guy, but remember that this is HER life, and she's free to mess it up.
I vote for keeping your nose out of her love life and saying nothing to anyone. It meets all of the criteria for not alienating her, or hurting her boyfriend.
You'll thank yourself later.
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