A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 16 months, and I love her. A lot. She is my first girlfriend. She meens the world to me, we have helped eachother through tons of things including the death of a close friend in a car accident. But the sexualism has always been the problem for our relationship. Like 8 or 9 months ago we had basically established that we both want to be eachother's first. Around that time I asked where she was at "readiness" wise and she told me sex was a ways off, but she wanted to give me oral soon. I was excited, really excited, but over the next few months it was a continuous stream of her telling me it was close. I wouldn't have minded if she told me no, but after so long of being told "really close" I got tired of it and we had a fight. Really she thought telling me she isn't ready would make me leave.That was resolved, but the issue of sex resurfaces again and again. There is always a new time where she is talling me "I'm ready, just don't feel like it" or other excuses. If I ever tell her to just be honest, that I love her either way, that I would never leave because she won't give me sex, she just insists it's coming.I know she feels incredibly pressured to do things, even though I conciously try to not make it a big deal. Just knowing how bad I want sex or a BJ or something is enough to make her feel pressured. My schoolmates sometimes poke fun and ask if we've done it yet, and I always wont say yes or no. I don't care what they think about us, but when people bring it up or when I here about other couples I can't help but feel frustrated and a bit jealous.I should mention she is very afraid of pregnancy, to the point where she worries sometimes about getting pregnant when we are fully clothed and I don't cum.I want a sex life really bad, but our relationship is way more important. There have been times when she has felt especially pressured that she has offered, but I've had to refuse because I don't want her to do something purely out of fear of losing me, I think that's wrong. I love her, but I am frustrated. I am a horny 17 year old with a very high sex drive, I ALWAYS seem to have it on my mind. What can I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (19 April 2011):
It's understandable that you're a horny 17-year-old and want sex, but you're best backing off the subject and using your hand.You rightly say your relationship is more important than sex and you acknowledge that you raising the subject makes your gf feel pressured.You have to give her space on the subject, and also the more you want it, the more you will probably end up disappointed when you finally do do it.If she is scared about things like pregnancy, it would be wise to research all she needs to know about it, the risks, prevention etc.As for your friends, most of them probably havent had sex, so wouldn't bat an eyelid over their poking fun.
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