A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:We have been together for 26 years.My wife was much more experienced than me, sexually.We got together when we were teens, my best friend had just been in a sexual relationship with her when we met.Since then I have become obessed with the thought of the two of them together,I keep asking her what was he like in bed,how big his penis was,did he make her orgasm etc.I know my wife has never cheated on me,so is my curiosity normal behaviour?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): After 26 years she may well not even remember or more to the point, care, what this friend was like in bed. It is an irrational obsession on your part. Firstly, the past can not be totally wiped clean and secondly most people have 'pasts' and it is pointless agonising about it. It may be that something else in your life has made you unhappy but you are choosing to fixate about this. It was a long time ago, she has been happy with you, that's what you need to focus on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): It is normal. To the extreme, it could be a form of "retroactive jealousy," [related to obsessive compulsive disorder]. So guys get off on thinking of their mate with someone else, some guys get off on anger/jealousy -- part of male evolutionary wiring -- some guys are hurt and embarrassed by a mate's lack of moral values (one night stands, for example -- I hasten to add women almost always regret one nights stands, if not then, then in the future -- because they feel (and, frankly, were) used.... different subject though.)
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A
male
reader, Who I Am  +, writes (22 February 2013):
Indeed, you are far from alone!My wife and I first had sex just over 30 years ago some three months before getting engaged. We were both in our mid-30's and neither was a virgin. Our first time was great.One night we discussed prior experiences. She represented she had but one former lover and did not lose her virginity till two years before we met. I had been married before and was having a pretty good time with other women before meeting her so my experience was greater.Frankly, her claim that she had only one prior lover is something, to this day, I have a hard time accepting. Why? Because she was too good in bed. Either this guy was a hell of a good teacher or she was born with the knowledge of how to pleasure a guy.Through our years together I have asked her (again and again) about her prior sex experience. She did tell me she used to enjoy jerking a guy off and watching his cum shoot, but stands true that only one other man every entered her pussy.One of my private fantasies is to think of her being done by another guy. My thoughts get pretty explicit and, I confess, it turns me on.I look at it like this. Fantasies are fantasies. A fantasy that helps me get off with greater intensity is fine. I once told her about such a fantasy and I don't think she knew how to take it. Are my thoughts motivated by boredom after 30 years of having sex with the same woman? I don't know and I don't care. It is make believe and it is fun. No one gets hurt.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (22 February 2013):
All I can tell you is you're not alone. I've had similar thoughts. When we first got together I was insanely jealous at the thought of her doing stuff with other guys. Thirty years later I fantacize about it. I think it's maybe a symptom of being bored with the same old thing in bed.
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