A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex dumped me with no reason two months ago. He's my first. He cheated on me twice and I still forgave him. We were together for 4 years and the last two years were long distance. We were serious. He talked about getting married and having kids. A month before he dumped me, he told me how much he missed and loved me and couldn't wait to see me then he told me that the situation was difficult because we were apart. He had no contact with me after the breakup. I hate him so much because I'm never someone that asked for commitment or promises but he's the one that did this all the time. I'm trying to move on. I keep myself busy. I have completely no love for him but hate and I hate myself thinking about him every day. I know it's unhealthy to hate someone, but I just hope he die. How can I get rid of this?
View related questions:
cheated on me, long distance, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): You are afraid hes "getting away" with being An ass I take it. I've been there too. He will not be happy if he has bad karma. You can be. He is prolly already dead inside. You have a chance for a good life
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2013): *from the original post
Thank you all for the advice. I think I'm waiting for his apology. The last message he left me was "sorry, move on." which pissed me off because he said it without any feelings or mean it. I was very nice to him,don't I deserve an apology?
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (21 June 2013):
 honestly, having that much hatred is just going to eat you alive. if your ex actually did die, i'd like to believe you'd feel bad for wishing it. i try extremely hard to forgive and let go of my anger because it will only exhaust me. it's amazing how much better i feel to just forgive and let it go.
i hate to say this, but he technically didn't do anything wrong. he was with you and loved you and then decided the relationship needed to end. it's just kind of the way of the world. he did cheat, which i know had to be rough for you. but unfortunately, those things are just a crappy side effect of dating sometimes. may not be the last time it ever happens til you find the guy you wind up marrying. love and relationships mean getting your heart broken sometimes. some day you may be the heart breaker. it just happens.
keep yourself busy and invest your time in hobbies and friends. eventually this hatred and anger will fade. just open your heart to forgiveness. easier said than done, i suppose. but remind yourself every day. write a note on your bathroom mirror to remind yourself to work on forgiving, and a note on your fridge, and in your car. hey, it could help. little reminders like that over time can change your whole attitide.
good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2013): Sounds to me that you do not hate him but he hurt you to the core and you don't know how to get over the situation. You're extremely angry at him. One thing you should know for future references is that A LOT (not all)of men say things they do not mean, they promise you a bunch of things, they act like your super special and then they just rip your heart out. The best way to get rid of that feeling is to move on. Tell yourself you deserve better, remind yourself of all the things hes done to you and ask yourself why would you want someone like that.YOu deserve better than some 2 timing idiot who is going to leave you after promising you all this stuff. There are real mean out there who are willing to give you the world and will prove it to you, who wont cheat on you, or use you or lie to you (okay, idk about the lying, lol jk) but you have to be patient. I went through the same situation and I come to realize that the sooner I get over some idiot who doesn't want me the better off I will be. I got over him, I got myself together, and I found the love of my life. And instead of just believing the things he told me he gave me proof. I love this MAN!he is a little boy, get you a man. you deserve it!
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 June 2013):
 Probably the easiest way to "get rid of this"... is to constantly remind yourself that HATRED feeds on itself, and displaces other - more positive - brain activities... and so YOU ARE SCREWING YOURSELF out of useful/helpful/ beneficial thoughts and mental capacity by wasting your time carrying around hatred in your cranium....
Go to a car wash, if you must.... and drive through with the windows open (or, the top down if you are lucky enough to have a convertible!).... and let that be a "cleansing" of your head to get rid of your hate....
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (20 June 2013):
 I know how you feel. When my ex husband and I broke up, I used to imagine him being hit by a huge bus or truck. That's how much I hated him. I felt like he wasted some of the best years of my life and I wished he would die. This is a normal part of the grieving process. There are five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
Four years is a long time, so naturally you would feel angry with him. Eventually the hate will subside and other emotions will take over. Just feel them, get as much support as possible. Talk to friends, talk to a therapist and keeping a journal is great. When you get your emotions out by either talking or writing about it, it helps you to cope and heal.
Just be patient with yourself. Do things to make yourself feel good. Maybe even take a trip somewhere. In time, you will be able to accept it and move on. Know that you were a great person in the relationship and it's his loss, not yours. He cheated on you anyway, so he's not that great a guy. You will find better.
Sometime in the future, he's going to try and contact you again (this always happens), and by that time, you would have already moved on. You will smile to yourself and think, "Ha! I'm not interested in him anymore".
...............................
|
