A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I’m male in my late 20s. I currently have this issue where I can’t sleep properly due to thoughts. So I am tired all day. I used to cry once every 6 months on a major issue however now I’m breaking down every day or two. People around me are noticing me getting upset at things and they are asking me to find out what’s wrong. Thing is I felt alone over a years ago, now it’s gone past a stage I am not in control of emotions. The world is a harsh place, I step outside and you get used and hurt. Stay inside and you feel empty and alone. My gf is confused when I tell her, bless her she doesn’t know what to say when she sees me cry. I was her pillar and rock, she must think what a pathetic man. She’s ended up going more with her friends, always available to listen to me but I can tell she is clueless jus as am I. I feel empty, she can’t distract me either. When out with my Other friends, they were being picked up by their gf or some going home to their gf, some making phone calls to their loved ones. I try to call mine and it’s jus a moan on how she has to work with specific person tomo, and how she has to get up, how work lot were treating her etc, so I listen and get off phone. So I go bed, wake up next morning to find her complaining her skin don’t look good, she don’t like this spot. It jus made me feel even more depressed and upset. Now she’s gone work I feel like what difference would it make if I was single, living in one room. She’s only one I got left, but I know I’m depressed but surely she should at least be a couple with me or am I jus a google for people’s provlems. I promise you if I asked for a recall on my convo no one remembers. This is what I’m fed up with and it’s stressing me out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2019): Get professional help. It's not your girlfriend's job to take care of your mental health--that is beyond her understanding and capabilities. She must feel extremely overwhelmed. GO HELP YOURSELF and talk to a professional. Only you can do what's right for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2019): Yeah you guys are right. I should jus grow a pair and go to the doctors. I made an appointment for this purpose last week. But when was asked how she can help, I bottled it and said I have an injury from rugby which is also true on my foot. I don't know what to say in terms of my mind. She has 10min slot and there's plenty people in waiting room with serious injurys and there's me thinking to complain about my crying and being unable to pay bills lol. I mean bloody hell pull yourself together. I use to be able to do it. I mean today I called up to pay a phone bill and I started crying whilst waiting. Than an hour later I was fine. I mean it's not a bill that depends on my life. But the situation upsets me. I used to be able to pay other people's bills.
I'm hoping time will help bring change, always does, I'm a fighter. But how long does one fight for. im not suicidal, just thought I'd clear that, far from it. Just fed up with my pathetic self. Yet I would never admit this to anyone in person. I've given my gf some space, she keeps me updated and is with family and friends last few days so we have not spoken much, it's good you guys are right she doesn't need my misery. And it feels good knowing she is happy and having good time.
I wish I could be myself. I hope tomorrow is different. Thank you all.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (30 March 2019):
 Assuming your girlfriend is of a similar age to you, she probably finds your mental health issues just overwhelming, hence needing time away from you. She is not a doctor. She is not a counselor. She is not trained to deal with your problems. Like everyone, she has problems of her own, which may seem insignificant to you but are obviously important to her.
Please please please go and speak with your doctor. Tell him/her exactly how you feel, how you cannot sleep, how you feel nobody cares about you. Ask for help.
Secondly, you need to stop thinking that people, especially men, have to be strong and in control all the time and that, if they are not, they are weak or lacking in some way. If another part of your body was poorly, you would go and see your doctor and not see it as a sign of weakness. Your brain is part of your body and it is obviously in need of some intervention or assistance so that you can go back to functioning properly. Treat it like you would any other part of your body and get help to get it fixed.
Sending hugs. This too will pass if you ask for and accept help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2019): Apart from seeing a doctor for a medical evaluation and possible referral to a mental-health specialist; I think it might be time for you to getaway. Maybe it's time for a vacation or holiday. You need to change your environment. You need a rest, and shouldn't burden your girlfriend with the responsibility to cheer you up. Judging by your post, you're past the stage of just sadness; you're stressed and out of sorts. You're heading for a downward-spiral. Hit the brakes, don't just give-in to it!
Go seaside or to the countryside for some fresh-air. Inhale some salty sea air, listen to the crashing of the waves, birds singing, and be surrounded by trees. Walk hillsides, and meadows. Away from crowds, barking dogs, and crying babies. Take a train ride just for the fun of it.
We can't survive on pills and be dependent on therapists. We have to develop tools of survival. You will never find perpetual happiness, or want to sing and dance 24/7. We live in reality, which is both good and bad. Pills and therapists can't change that. They'll try and help you to function and live day-to-day without collapsing or losing-it.
You're an adult, you have responsibilities, and you have to support yourself. After therapy sessions, you'll still have to figure-out ways to cope with life-challenges and adversity. Every single one of us can reach that point of feeling overwhelmed. We all throw our hands up in frustration, anguish, and disbelief. Like, could things get any worse??? Yes they can, but we can survive that.
If you have no recreational activities like hobbies, sports, or working-out at the gym; you're home alone stewing and dwelling on how awful the world is. Face to face with your phone!
You have to get off your devices, and your bum. Stop watching the news and reading every headline that pops-up on the screen; because good news isn't normally reported on TV and social media. That issue with Brexit and other political matters will beat you down until you're senseless. Just put down your phone and devices and get some fresh air. Your brain needs a break!
Maybe you, like so many other millennials, are addicted to digital devices. If you're on them continuously!
Social media is being developed by psychologists and psychological researchers who create apps to stimulate greed and influence consumer appetites. They develop ways to make you self-conscious, feel lonely, to entice you to spend money, and to seduce you towards porn. Too much of this scrambles your brain! It will depress you!
Stop creating an unhealthy environment of cynicism and pessimism around yourself. You can't change the world; but you can control your personal-space, and select the people you prefer to be around. We humans all have faults and weaknesses. If you listen to the news day-in and day-out; it would seem nothing but bad people are reeking havoc on the planet. We good-people are still here; although, we don't make the news. We don't tend to make as much fuss as the bad folk. The news media is so hellbent on influencing your political views and brainwashing you towards an agenda, they never let-up. So, you have to shut them off, and tune them out!
Depression isn't always a clinical or mental-health problem; sometimes we get overwhelmed. We get so pressured or stressed, we start dreading birthdays, or comparing our accomplishments to those of others. That will eat-away at your self-confidence and self-esteem. If you don't exercise, the body will lose vitality, your metabolism slows down, and you feel lethargic. A therapist and pills are not always the answer. You also need a change of lifestyle and a creative outlet to give your life purpose. At the moment you seem overwhelmed. You spend too much time dwelling on problems.
As Honeypie suggested, if you partake of recreational-drugs or drink too much alcohol; coming-down off those substances, or persistent usage will start to have adverse-effects. If you have vitamin deficiencies due to poor diet, you'll always feel tired or beat. Bad diet effects your mood!
You can't be up all night gaming or on the internet. It will adversely-effect your sleep patterns. You'll feel tired and restless all-day.
Your outlook on life can't be bitter or hopeless. All the therapy and pills in the world can't undo hopelessness. That comes from the soul. When you give-in to the feeling that all in the world is bad and will never change; you'll start to obsess on doom and gloom. You will reverse any treatment you receive and will frequently relapse. You have to be around upbeat people. Do volunteer charitable work to help others in need; so you're not just sitting around dwelling on how awful the world is. While you're doing nothing to help or change anything. Life isn't always rainbows and gumdrops! We suffer! We have to work, and giveback to help others.
Seek some spiritual enlightenment through worship. I don't care what nonbelievers say with their atheism and agnosticism. They don't get the last word. Feed the soul and refresh the spirit. Seek faith, if you've had childhood exposure. You need your innocence back. Some peace!
If you were introduced to worship as a child, go back to it. Yeah yeah, people always try to dismiss that as fantasy and useless...but what have you got to lose? You need something to give you peace, rest, and lift your inner-spirit. Why do non-believers always get to take the floor and debunk what God can do for us? Some things are beyond science! Nobody can force it on you, it's your choice.
People have their own problems, and we may tend to be self-centered at times; but such is the world. You can't change what other people do; but you can change yourself, and the people with whom you make friends.
Sometimes you have to clean house, dump a few disloyal acquaintances, and start fresh. Even find a new place to move. Some old homes or dwellings have a heavy atmosphere, and an inexplicable darkness about them. You sometimes need to be careful of the places you move into. That heaviness can settle on you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (30 March 2019):
GO see your doctor.
It's NOT your GF job yo "cure" your depression, it's your responsibility. YOU need to deal with it.
If you can't sleep at night and insomnia is keeping you up worrying about things, you REALLY need to get help for that.
As for your GF. I think she is at a loss. She's heard all your complains so many times and doesn't know what to say or how to "help" you get out of your funk. Because SHE ISN'T a therapist, doctor or counselor.
Her bemoaning the little TRIVIAL things in life like who she has to work with is her trying to share her life with you, the good, the bad and the boring. Your mood is rubbing OFF on her. Your conversations are mostly complaints and negativity because right now? THAT is what is going on.
SEEK help ASAP. Wishing the depression to go away your your GF to to fix you, isn't going to work.
And start some exercise if you can fit it in. Doesn't have to be over the top, just daily walks/run so you can get some sun, fresh air and your body going. It won't cure your depression either but it will (hopefully) tire you out enough that you can get some sleep.
Secondly, look at what you eat and make an effort to eat better.The whole we are what we eat, is to an extend right. So EAT good and your body will thank you. Stay away from alcohol, large amount of processed sugar and pot/weed/hashish.
Get help ASAP
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