A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Alright, so I've met this girl and she is incredible. We love each other and everything is just hunky dorey. There's only one thing wrong. It's her sexual past. I was a virgin before I met her, but she wasn't.It's not too bad, but it still eats me up inside and I don't know how to end this. Originally she told me that she was a virgin but had done some foreplay stuff. Then she told me she had a boyfriend who just stuck it in once. Finally, she called me up crying one night telling me how she has had sex before. She had sex with a guy she had dated for several months, and then she almost had sex with another guy, even though his friend, though sleeping, was in the tent with them. He only stuck it in once, but she decided it was a bad idea and made him stop.She said the guy she had sex with never made her orgasm or anything. It was just experimenting and it was fun, but it wasn't that great. I know I should get over this. We've talked about it, I know that she's told me everything and I know I need to get over this. Talking with her has helped it but it isn't making this go away. I need to know how to get over this. The only thing I'm finding on the internet is people saying to get over it, but they don't state how I should go about this.I really, really could use some help.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (25 May 2009):
 You can get over it by making it a priority to do so. When you find yourself thinking about it, force yourself to think about something else. It will take time, and it's hard to do, but it can save your relationship if you commit to working on it.Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Oh... I can relate from your point of view and your girlfriend's!
From your point of view because my boyfriend wasn't a virgin, but I was. Even though he told me he wasn't a virgin from the start, I felt bad because I didn't know who she was, and when I found out I felt terrible because she's SO MUCH PRETTIER THAN ME! Also because he had oral and manual sex with other beautiful girls before, whereas I had only had some experience with one guy. It's still hard sometimes, but talking about it with him helped. He told me that his first time wasn't great, and that it didn't mean that our first time (MY first time) had been less special. He said he enjoyed it more because he loved me. That he hadn't been in love with any of the other girls, that I'm his first love and that is more important to him than just sex. It made me feel more at ease.
Now, he's also jealous of my past. The reason is I never had a boyfriend or dated anyone. Yet I made out with some guys and at a young age had an older friend with benefits, who I gave oral sex once (he didn't cum), and who felt me up a couple of times. This made (and sometimes, still makes) him feel jealous because I wasn't in a formal relationship, so he thinks I was a bit slutty and also because this ex friend of mine is the guy who later introduced us. I didn't tell my boyfriend until we'd been dating for six months, because I was scared of his reaction. Granted, he reacted badly. I stopped talking to my ex friend because my boyfriend felt betrayed. He says it's because he wishes I'd been with him forever. It still sucks that he feels like this, so he tries hard to not get jealous.
I don't know how you can get over it. Just be gentle with her and don't get angry when you talk about it, because otherwise it will create more problems (I tell you from experience). But do talk about it. It seems like she's sorry about not telling you before. Talking about it will help, because as your girlfriend, she should reassure you that you're more important. But be gentle, and don't get upset, or eslse she might be afraid to openly discuss this with you.
Good luck, don't let this ruin your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also forgot to mention that she wanted to wait for marriage. She knew she didn't love the guy yet she did it. Now she's found love and regrets it, I just don't know how to deal with it.
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