| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I'm 19 years old. I can get an erection on my own perfectly, and with girls sometimes too through oral sex, or just teasing. But sometimes when I'm having sex I lose my erection half way through it. It happens a lot of times and it's really aggravating. It's been happening for a while and I don't know what to do to stop it. Helllp!
View related questions:
erection, lose my erection, oral sex, teasing Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kellog  +, writes (19 July 2008):
I think the problem may be due to anxiety,if it`s happened before,your unconsciousness kicks in to remind you about the last time it occured and forms a vicious circle.If that`s the case,perhaps try to relax or undertake self-affirmation exercises.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008): It's very reassuring to find out other people have had this problem. This happened to me during a blowjob so I felt like an absolute idiot.
I'm going to talk to my girlfriend and do some other recommended things, so thanks.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): Don't worry too much about it.it could be dues to stress or maybe you're on madication,that could cause you to lose your erection.
I would however suggest you see your gp if this carries on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): ok-so what about a guy who loses it 99% of the way through sex instead of halfway?
By that, I mean he stops when I'm at the climax, which is also right where he would be if he didn't stop.
Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, and yes I am getting a divorce.
If a guy stops himself because he is starting to explode, because he wants the sex to go on longer-he could be interrupting his wife's orgasm.
So--don't get into the habit of holding back like that is my advice.
It could really ruin it for a woman if you do it too many times.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): I have had this problem myself in the past, and being the same age thought I could help. Some people and websites state many different causes, from stress and anxiety or fatigue, but i know its not so easy to just reprogram any underlying problems that may be bugging you whether they are known or subconsciously affecting an individual.
All that aside, i have had my share of experiences, with long term girlfriends and one-nighters. After much frustration I invested in one of those "male enhancement" products after ditching more embarassing tools like c-rings. Personally I bought a month supply of Enzyte, it happened to be at a K-mart so it was convenient. All that size increase mumbo jumbo aside, the effects were pleasing. Hate to sound like an infomercial, but it entirely remedied my problem. Took about 2 weeks to work, and I was only taking one pill like every other day. I no longer lost "wood" and instead had those good ole rock hards that you would wish for...just a lil tidbit, it also nearly doubled my average time, and in doin so, had HUGE satisfaction in releasing (if you know what I mean). Anyway, try it out, theres even some GNC products that can work. I use a goofy named product called "Horny Goat Weed" now cus its cheaper, even tho Enzyte worked better.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Just happened to me last night. When I had regular girl friends I never had that problem. I've recently started one night stands, and it has happened to me twice. I think not knowing the person really well is very intimidating. It was a bit awkward, and I was half hard the whole time i was in her; I took a break to go down on her, and that was it from there. I completely lost my erection, and since there was only one condom, there was no point in getting it back.
Both times this has happened to me I found the following for maybe being the reason:
1. Stress of a new partner
2. Worry that I won't be able to please
3. Tired + a small dose of alcohol
4. Stress in my daily life with my studies
5. The conditions in the room were not ideal at all (candles + music does help a lot to relax; here the bed was badly situated etc...)
I came home and jacked off to re-assure myself I still could. I feel embarassed, and the girl feel embarassed as well. I am going to try and see her next week, and I think I'll just be honest with her and explain to her the reasons why this happened. I would hate for her to feel bad about it; personally I don't care as much since I know this happens to all my friends. I care more about her feelings and the fact that she might think she is inadequate.
I just hope that she won't mind having sex with me a second time :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): My boyfriend has this trouble to at first i did think it was me but after a talk we had about it ( after he admitted how embarrassed he felt) i understood that it wasnt really either of ours fault.I found Oral helps in this situation just taking the time, being calm and giving his "Little man" abit of attention will perk him back up.Also found that switching and doing different positions were the woman is doing alot of the work can help to as this can prevent tiredness if you have been at it for awhile.Just try not to make a big deal out of it if nothing works, you wouldnt want to feel shy and awkwad the next time.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): im 20 i have this problem sometimes.. mostly with girls i just met or arnt comfortable with yet, i think it might be because of ecstasy since in the past iv easily gone 5+ hours rock hard the whole time, masturbating less and aphrodisiacs help as well as doing shit like a bunch of pushups or some intense workout before hand (just to get the testosterone going)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I was a virgin until just recently and still have not been able to finish in one go, but just reading the responses here have heartened me a bit.
I obviously masturbated for years before finally having sex, and think the years of laziness (i.e. only using my hand) and not actually using the various muscles and motions necessary for actually thrusting into a woman, are working against me. The additional effort and sensations, added with the self-consciousness of having a smaller penis, and of course anxiety that I'll lose it at any time, conspire to do exactly that.
My girlfriend has been very understanding so far, I've been open about what I think the cause(s?) may be, and I hope she remains patient with me. It's not her; I can stay more or less stiff for over an hour while we're cuddling, but within minutes of actual sex I not only lose the erection, I seem to lose all interest in sex! Even direct stimulation won't bring it back for a good 10-20 minutes :-(
Other avenues I'm exploring:
- certain antidepressants kill sex drive. When I was on even a mild, "child"-level dose, I only had sufficient interest to masturbate maybe two times a week. Once off it and it was flushed from my system I was jerking off 4 or 5 times a week for a while.
However, I've been off that for over a year, and the lower-than expected sexual desire returned about nine months ago. One factor eliminated...
- I'm mentally unfocused, probably have mild attention deficit disorder. I took another medication which focused me during the day, but also damped sex drive (though not as bad as the antidepressants). However, since I'm now off *that* was well, I'm also considering...
- lack of energy, caused mostly by lack of exercise (my diet is decent, but not great). I *am* trying to up my physical activity, but maybe to "cheat" a bit, I'm considering an energy drink shortly before sex (looking for a drink which wears off fast, I don't want to be tossing and turning afterwards until 3 a.m.!).
- Maybe more direct stimulation of the penis before actual sex is needed. So far we've gone from kissing and caressing straight to sex. Neither of us are comfortable with the idea of oral sex just yet; we're both new to this.
In short, I don't have a solution to offer, but reading about what others have gone through and what works for them, and writing about my own problems, has made me feel a bit better.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): as a guy I can say that it happens to me fairly regularly (maybe once out of every 20 times having sex. it's awkward, and it's easy to get down on your self because as a guy your supposed to give your girl 20 orgasms and you have to last 12 hours..riiiigghhhht.
I've figured out that it's a combination of a few main factors that cause limpness. With me it's usually..
1) Either I've been masturbating way too much and don't really have much desire left
2) I'm tired or stressed
3) I haven't practiced good enough "cock control". This is something someone else mentioned in this comments section by someone else. I'm sure that a lot of you guys that regularly jerk it you know pretty well how to manipulate your erection. While I can't say I've ever lasted for an hour of just humpin' away, I've definitely whacked it for well over an hour. That's because I can approach the verge of ejaculation, and then back off somewhat. This control does help with sex, but the mastery of masturbation doesn't translate into full control during sex. The vagina feel's way better than my hand, and it's a completely different feeling. With me, I end up coming a little and basically it's sort of like a fizzled orgasm. What i mean is that if I've come close to peaking , basically my penis just gives up since it's already came So you can peak and not necessarily get that rush and extreme feeling of pleasure. Maybe soem of you don't know what I'm talking about, but it's pretty much a matter of knowing when to pull back from the build up to orgasm, and learning to keep your penis in a state where it can stay hard, and not too ready for orgasm. If you leave it in that heightened state of near climax too long it will pack it in and say good night. Anyway, it's happened to me enough times to make me self conscious about it, but then again, I've also f*#(ed my girlfriend hard and good about 20 times for every 1 cancelled show.
don't get too down and if yer girl makes you feel bad abotu it guess what? she's beeeeeeeitch and needs to be ditched.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): my boyfriend has had trouble with having an erection, i asked him what was the reason y he keeps losing an rection because i keep thinking its me and he says there is no reason, i have tried to help him on various occasions, and hes not opening up to me and telling me whats wrong, i have read the comments and i can understand if its stress. I think he stresses himself out thinking he is not good, i ahve told him several times not ot think like that and hes not to reassure him, but hes not reassuring me when it happens to him. I can't do nothing more to help him he will have to sort it out himself.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): dude I wouldn't worry about it whatsoever like everyone said it's just stress or maybe you're not comfortable when doing it. Mos tlikely, it's stress. It's happened to me and as horribly embarrassing as it is at that moment, all it is is performance anxiety so just take the itme to calm yourself down and you'll pull through
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): hey i had sex today and lost my erection both times but it was my first time and i'm pretty sure it was just nerves and reading the replies has helped so thanks people :)oral does help with erectionsxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): My boyfriend did that too and i thought it was me.. we got into a huge fight over it because i felt almost as if i werent good enough. but after reading all this i understand more and now i know were not the only ones.. good luck :]
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007): My boyfriend did this! it was the first time it had ever happened and to be honest all that was going through my mind was.. is it me? am i not turning him on? he said it was because he was really tired and stressed and he thinks that was it! we just left it at that. it did feel really akward but i think its good if you can talk about reasons why it could have happened how you feel etc. i think he was embarrassed by it because we had only been going for about 10 minutes and he couldnt carry on. I think he felt like i was disapointed but honestly men dont think this. we know its not your fault you cant control your little man whether he wants more or not. Probably more females blame it on themself because they think oh my man doesnt fancy me blah blah. Thats what i thought but reading these answers helps. Thanks x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): hey well i think it could be stress maybe you should have some time to yourself to calm down because this has happened to my boyfriend a couple times and its usually because he's so stressed out and finding a partner who's understanding wouldn't hurt either.
...............................
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (27 May 2007):
Hi! Losing my erection halfway through sex: Welcome to the Club of Failed Erections. Just being a male makes you a member of the club. Like most of us men, you set yourself up for ED-Erection Dysfunction- early on in your childhood.And here is how you did just that. Wasn't it fun to Jack-off?,Masturbate,way back when,and now. Yes, Bet those quickies gave your Joytoy, penis, a heavenly feeling. And perhaps you never even got caught, and us men were pretty fast with those hand-jobs, wouldn't you say? Well the bad news is none of us got away with it. And your penis is still doing just what you, or I, taught it to do way- back- when. We taught it to Shoot-it's-wad, Ejaculate PDQ,(Pretty- Damn-Quick). So we just carried These quickies over into our ongoing sexual relationships. Our penises were in one hell of a hurry way back when, and they sill are today. However all is not lost my halfway through it friend. You got yourself into trouble with those "Quickies". So here is how you can get yourself out of coming too soon. It's back to Masturbation, yes, You heard me.I said Masturbation. If you have a caring loving partner, She can help you to gain control over your penis.
And here is what you must do if you want it all the way instead of just halfway. You hand-stimulate your penis to an erection, but your goal is not to have an erection, just to keep your penis nice and hard. Then you must bring your penis close to an ejaculation, but just before you, come, spill your seed. You reduce your hand-stroking of the Penis or you may have to stop Stroking it completely, but at the sametime you must try to keep your penis in a state of erection. Your goal is to see if you can bring your penis to the point of no return, an ejaculation, at least six times while you are retrain your penis to maintain an erection. Hope that this has been helpful. I took you years to train your penis to be a failure. So don't get in a hurry in your Penile Retraining Program.Me I'm pussing 80, years young, and I'm still working on a now and then limp-noodle, failed erections.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): theres these things you can get there called cock rings you put them around the base of your penis and it will hold the ecrection
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): The guy i am currently with has the same problem his penis seems to have a mind of its own, we have tried lots of different things and still we have the same problem, i have read some of the answers given to this question and i agree but i do feel it is my fault that it happens and it makes me feel like i am worhtless and i can not do nothing for my boyfriend,
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005): my boyfriend and I have had the same problem. We have just started having sex recently with each other. There will be some days that he's up and ready to go, but other days when he will get it up and then lose it either half way during sex or right before sex. We've learned that oral stimulation is the best way to get it back again, and then it's usually not a problem. One thing to make sure of, is make sure that you tell the girl that it's not her, that it's just nerves or whatever you think the reason may be. The girl will start to think it's her, that she's not turning you on enough. I seriously doubt it has to do with you not being "into" it enough, having sex the right way can be one of the most passionate and intimate moments. Another thing we have been doing is having sex in the morning when he wakes up already erect. The past few times we haven't had the problem occur, but he did say that when it was a problem alot of it was in his head, and he began to think he had a serious problem, but these mental thoughts physically prohibited him from becoming erect. I hope this helps!
...............................
A
male
reader, Guru +, writes (3 October 2005):
It is just a normal problem not to worry about it, try following steps.
1. Relax, keep concentration on what you cherish the
most in sex.
2. Do not busy your mind on routine issues/problems.
3. Do not keep for long inside, have breakes and play.
4. Do not have too much sex,save energies to enjoy 3to
4 times a week.
...............................
A
female
reader, cheeky_minx1987 +, writes (3 October 2005):
go to your doctor would be my best bet... i no its not nice to go to the doctor about it but at the end of the day once its sorted you can have as much pleasure as you want. how does this sound... one uncomfotable moment for a lifetimes worth of please!! sounds like heaven to me. also during sex dont be worrying about whether your going to lsoe your erection because you will be causing a lot of stress on your body! just keep calm and enjoy what you can of it!! :D
...............................
A
male
reader, smitty0421 +, writes (3 October 2005):
Maybe you are bored with the sex you are having. Try spicing things up a little bit. Don't forget foreplay can be used during sex as well. Don't be afraid to tell your partner what you like and don't like. Try new things, new positions, and include whatever may please your partner and yourself. Also, try to be as relaxed as possible. Being nervous may be a cause of your loss of erection. The more confidence you have the better the sex for the both of you will be.
...............................
A
female
reader, xixi +, writes (3 October 2005):
Hi there, first of all, it's ok it happens to a lot of guys. It happened to my current boyfriend when we first started having sex together, but now he's perfectly fine and can keep his erection up much longer. It's anxiety-related. You're still young, so sex is pretty new to you and your body. Just tell your girlfriend that this is why it's happening, and you just need a little extra time to get your erection back. You may need her help to rub you to get it back up again. So just relax and take some breaks during sex to stimulate yourself again, and eventually you'll find a natural rhythm that can keep you going longer. Even while you're not up, you can focus on stimulating her and make her feel good with your mouth or your hands or a combination. I'm sure she'll appreciate more attention to her body.
...............................
A
male
reader, Rick1957 +, writes (3 October 2005):
I would have to say that this young man has a secret sexual fantasy that's just not getting fulfilled and therefore looses his erection. In short he is getting bored and once the erection starts to go, nerves take over and make it worse. I think he should relax and tell his partner about what he really wants to try
...............................
A
male
reader, Jimmy +, writes (3 October 2005):
I think what is happening here is that before the actual act of sex itself, you are billing it up as something more than it actually turns out to be when you engage in the act and thus lose interest or let your mind wander during the act. The result is that you lose the momentum half way through. There are various products on the market that are supposed to sort this out but I think what you should do is to try abstaining from it for about a week and then take things slowly and relaxed, not going too far too fast.I think that you will reap much more rewards from it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (3 October 2005):
Well, the first thing to do is change the way you are looking at the situation.You are only 19, and could be welcoming the opportunity to find out more about yourself and your body. I would start by trying to identify any patterns that may be emerging in the days (or weeks) leading up to the event. You may discover something valuable about your yourself and your body's functioning.
...............................
A
reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (3 October 2005):
FIRSTLY... Stay cool, stress can make men have problems getting an erection.
SECONDLY... This isn't anything to be ashamed of, many male porn stars (small percentage) lose theirs half way through and they are shagging one of the sexiest females in the world! So, if you lose your erection then simply let the girl give your oral until you get erect then carry on...
Dont get embarassed or anything (its easy to say i know) but when your confidence goes you will find it harder to get an erection because of the pressure (you have brought on yourself).
THIRDLY... There are (legal) drugs that can enhance your sex life, alot now are actually herbal and contain no chemicals (meaning no side-effects, however, some doubt they actually work). They claim to do multiple things like:
* increase the size of your penis
* make you keep an erection for longer
* increase sexual desire
* increase the volume of your ejaculation
With many things like that it depends on the person, they affect everyone differently, most claimed features should be in effect an hour or so after they been taken (read instructions for a better guideline) but the increase in penis size is likely to be on of those take over a year or so before you notice any major difference and theres no guarantee that your penis will get any larger or that the herbal ones would work at all.
You can also get special cream and lubes that are designed to make you keep an erection and/or last longer
...............................
|
