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I keep losing my erection halfway through sex!

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 October 2005) 74 Answers - (Newest, 14 April 2011)
A male , anonymous writes:

I'm 19 years old. I can get an erection on my own perfectly, and with girls sometimes too through oral sex, or just teasing. But sometimes when I'm having sex I lose my erection half way through it.

It happens a lot of times and it's really aggravating. It's been happening for a while and I don't know what to do to stop it. Helllp!

View related questions: erection, lose my erection, oral sex, teasing

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011):

Ok guys i have posted here once before, and have been fighting this problem for 2 years now.... it happens to me on and off sometimes i manage to have sex sometimes i dont.. anyway i ended up with a new girl (the first in while as my self confidence and self worth have plummeted) and sure enough it happened again i had been drinking so thats never a good idea... me and this girl have been close friends for a long time and been intimate in the past but this time the little fella refused to co-operate...

so i sat down with her and explained the problem ( the first person i have ever told ever i have carried this secret inside me for 2 years and it felt great to get it out there.. she was soo understanding and we tried again it took a while but in the end i managed to have sex with some one i care about!!!! YAY!!!! but i dont want this problem anymore so i have taken the first drastic step and looked at purchasing the erection master (but found it instead free online) ill post the link at the end but it deals with the biological mechanics and the emotional side effect with some very handy tips and exercises. its not an overnight cure but after a few days of the first few exercises i have had a harder longer erection than i have had in a long time ( and also the greatest orgasms i can remember)

finally my last post commented on L-arginine the amino acid i still highly recommend this as its natural and essential in the production of nitric oxide that dilates the veins/tissue in the penis hat cause the erection...

please guys check out the link give the L-arginine a go and good luck we will all beat this and come out stronger for it!!

We are not alone and this is a problem that is so common even with us young guys stay positive!!!

the Link :http://erectilemastery.com/ErectionMaster.pdf

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011):

Please i need urgent solution, as i am losing my self confidence, Has any one find answer to this problems. Please let me know very soon - Thanks all for sharing the information.

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A male reader, horneyvaughany  United Kingdom +, writes (30 January 2011):

Hey I'm 16 and I have recently just started having sex with my girlfriend and I'm very concerned, I would say my penis is 6 inches and definitely useable. but my story is not quite good :/ I went to put the condom on whilst she was giving me a hand job, but all of a sudden as I went to put it in, it went soft. I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do, so I took the condom off and she got on top and it stayed up :/ But since I've met her I haven't eaten right and I havent exercised as much, so I think the problem is that I need to start eating healthy and exercising. If you think that is the problem, please get back to me I need to know! It brings me down and I need help please!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010):

Ok Guys i have spent alot of time reading these, Im 26 years old and suffer from many of the same problems. i used to have a very healthy sex life and over the years have had alot of partners. it used to be that a strong breeze would get the little fella all worked up but now its like a constant battle mainly fort in my head!

ok so heres the story about 2 years ago i went to a girls house with the soul perpose of having sex, we sat around for ages watching films eating had a few drinks ect and by the time i got to the stage of having sex i was well past the desire for it and very tired but i felt tied in. I was fine for the most part but when it came to putting the condom on he just died on me!! i was horrified! it had only really happened to me before that when i was very drunk which i took as normal.. now two years on its still happening i can get an erection on my own fine and mainly wake up with one in the morning and through the night.I have succesfully slept with girls since but on occasions had the problem..

now though i have met a girls i acctually care about for once and it happened again i was up to attention fine but when it came to puting it in he just went limp (i was drunk again) this cycle continued as long as we tried so i gave it up as a bad job and set about plaesing here in other ways. the last few days i have been so worried and ashamed about it that its affecting my every day life it seems all i can think about (i feel less of a man) and even the last few times i have masterbated it has been up then that little voice says "oh its hard, but what happens if it gose down" and there he goes off in to his own little world to my dissapointment (sure it comes back but the thought of losing it is never far away!)

im a very active guy i exercise 5 times a week although i do smoke that i think is the first thing i should stop.. i realy just dont know where to go and the whole thing is affecting my confidence up untill i met this girl i just didnt want to take women home any more just incase it happened and then i had to face the embarrassment all over again, so if you guys ( my brothers in arms) have any ideas on ways to stop this happening please share i dont want to take drug's like viagra as im sure its not physical but phycological and dont want to become dependant on Drug to over come the problem!

so im not cured and at the moment i seem to be back to square one but there are somthings i tried in the past that made things better, and allowed me to have the confidence and ability to lead a half normal sex life although the little voice was always there sometimes he won sometimes he didnt but every little victory over him is one step cloaser to winning the war right?

1 L-arginine - its a suppliment of amino acid found in meats eggs and dairy it increases the Nitric Oxide levels in the body which inturn help dialate the blood arteries that feed the erection (this is a big help and its natural)amino acids are the building blocks of protines and naturaly made by the body you are just giving one a little boost.

2- exercise you cant beat a healthy body and mind

3- Green tea its a healthy opption from coffe and Tea and from what i have read to much caffeine can harm your erction

4- stop smioking when i did my erection was much beter although it still happened on occasions and when the stress got to much i fell back into old habbits.

5- This is the most important And i think this is the cause of a most of our problems is preformance anxiety and a negative attitude, we all want to be the best she has ever! had and we put to much preassure on our selves to do it!

also with our little friend the anti erection demon whispering in our heads that you could lose your hard on at any moment we stop focusing on what is important the fact that we are there with a beautiful woman who wants to have sex with us.

I wish i knew a full proof way to get rid of our annoying little voice but if that was the case we wouldnt all be posting on this forum, but i think a posative out look is key take time to relax Maybe meditation or relaxation techniques remember that sex is ment to be fun its not a chore we are ment to enjoy it. Try to find your way back to her, dont rush to get it in before it dies hold her in your arms stroke her hair, kiss her become familiar with the way her skin feels against yours look into her eyes and remember why you are there with this girl. There is nothing that a deep calming breath cant cure if you lose it you lose it concentrate on plaesing her it will come back dont think about your little member but on the rythem of her breathing the touch and taste of her skin.

we will all make it through this and hopefully one day look back and laugh, but its been a great help to know that im not the only guy who has this problem stay strong and stay positive and if you have any ideas of things that could help me please post.

Ps. if you are worried that it may be physical try this before you go to bed (for 3 night) put a ring of postage stamps around the base of your penis stick them on edge to edge in a circle, while your body is in REM mode of sleep you will generaly have 5-9 erections through the night if you wake in the mornig to fine that the perforated banding holding the stamps together has torn you know that during the night you had atleast one full ecection, this isnt full proof but would generaly suggest that the problem is in your head and not a physical one.

hope that help sorry for the long post.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010):

spent alot of time reading other people's post and they really do help me out.

whenever i am with a girl it is not hard for me to get hard (before we get to the bed room). for example, whenever i am dancing with a girl at the club, sometimes it gets me hard, depending on how up close and personal the dancing gets, or if walking back to my place with a girl and holding her hand, it sometimes get me hard. without a doubt when we are doing foreplay i am hard, but whenever the practice of sex or even oral sex comes into mind i have sometimes lost my erection. i have even lost it during the beginning of the oral sex (but never during actual sex). it is extremely embarrassing, but to tell you the truth i believe its all in my head. whenever i am fingering a girl or eating her out, the last thing i am thinking about is my erection (even though i have one, im not thinking "can i keep it up?") but when i start to get head, all i can think about is staying hard and thats when i lose it. so i will stop and go back to foreplay. previously all i did during this foreplay, was think about getting hard, often trying to masturbate myself with the other hand to stimulate myself and think of porn or other dirty thinks that arouse me while i am pleasuring her so she doesnt know what im doing to myself because she cant see it (dont want her thinking that the only way i can get hard is through my own means and not simply by her arousing me). this usually never works because i am extremely worried about myself and focused on getting hard; however, when i just relax, continue foreplay and not think about it, i get hard again. this just proves that it is all in your head. i have yet to figure out how to fully get the question of "will i stay hard?" out of my head, but it really helps me to just relax and keep my mind off of it. often times during oral sex i would harden my penis to make sure that i was staying erected and would then focus on that rather then what was really going on, me getting pleasure from a girl.

but i am not sure about masturbation. some people have been saying not to masturbate as frequently. this can often reduce the time it takes for you to cum. i have masturbated the day before sex and had great sex and also lost an erection once; and masturbated 5 days before sex and had great sex and lost an erection. both times i lost it was constantly thinking about staying hard.

you arent the only guy out there with this problem. while it may seem embarrassing at the time, which might discourage you from getting hard again, just remember that you just read a massive blog where alot of people complained about what just happened to you, so you ARENT the only one and depending on the girl, it could have happened to her before and i am sure that it has happened to one of your friends if not more, but of course they arent going to say anything to you. thats why we have this anonymous blog, to help without knowing exactly WHO we are helping.

relax, your not alone

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A male reader, Lmg United Kingdom +, writes (9 November 2010):

It's good to know it's not just me here. I agree with all everyone is saying here but, I think mine mite have started by getting paranoid in my size knowing she had, had a much larger one than me. She's always telling me I'm perfect for her and loves the times I give her. But I stress about not being good enough and not getting hard in the first place I keeps happening over and over and over again. There must be help out there because I realy think it's in my head. I'm scared now because this is messin my head up real bad and it's gona make me lose the girl I love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010):

Okay guys...just need you to be aware of a few things.

I have slept with many men, not in a slutty sense....

Have just been single a very long time..Had lots of on/off relationships etc.

The life style thing affecting your errections? yes, its true, diet and excercise or lack of it, can have a negative effect on your sex life, but it shouldnt be the only explaination to errectile disfunction....

Occassional errection problems are normal....but if this happens often, its not normal, and its probably not related to smoking or drinking too much.....(I once dated a heavy smoker who was practically an alcoholic)

Dont let a doctor tell you not to worry and shooo you away with reasons like diet/excercise. You need to get specialist help if it happens often and has a negative effect on your relationship!

All of this costs time/money/resources and causes lots of you embarassment, so people and doctors tend to avoid dealing with it properly....YOU need to deal with it properly before it becomes an even more serious problem.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010):

Hi, people. First of all, grettings from the UK!

Ok, first of all, MY STORY.........

I'm 27 years old. Sex was one of those things that had to be proven in life (which is the case for a lot of males.....you know....'haven't you lost your V-plates yet?!' So, I lost mine when I was 17 (after a few early on fail attempts....you know....'dammit, why did she back out?!!' Didn't really have that much sex when I was younger but it wasn't until I had my first main relationship at 20 that things really sparked off...hold on, hold on.....not so fast! There were a few erection problems.....but it eased and and BANG! IT WAS ON!

I was in that relationship for half a decade. When I came out of it, I was like 'Ok, now its time for the ultimate test! The first person I slept with after the relationship became obsessed with me so I had to cut her off (hehe) so I was feeling pretty confident! It would've been better with the condom but 'hey'.....safety first, right??! Moving on......

My next encounter went pretty bad! I was locked in a situation that I felt I couldn't get out of! I went to a hotel room with a girl that I did not like! Yes, you've guess already....it happened....and theres me laying back and thinking, 'OH S**T, what do I do now??!' My mind was everywhere and couldn't wait to get the hell out the next morning!! The next encounter was a week later and it happened again! But....pulled myself out of it and got to work!! She was quite understanding and it led me out of it and 'yes' IT WAS ON!! For some reason after that, my mind was not at ease. I bought Cialis as a back up! Anyway, to cut a long story short, sometimes I used it and sometimes I didn't but I took onboard the evil routine of getting used and thought 'This ain't that bad!'.....I was kidding myself. When you're playing the field with females that you're not gonna meet again, who cares!

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE PRESENT......

I met a girl that I adore SOOOOOOO much! We have now been in a relationship for 6 months. I'm in love with her so much and I catch myself looking at her and having that breathless feeling of 'sweep me off my feet anymore and I'll be in orbit'! She cares for me so much and I knew that she was the right one for me. I still don't think she realises how much I love her. When I first started having sex with her, I was still going down that slippery road of.....yep....CIALIS!! I really didn't want to keep on using it as I knew what I was capable of before. I came off it and yes you've probably guess, I under-performed. Now, the question I kept (and still!) keep asking myself......why does my mind tell me that this girl is sex-on-legs but doesn't want to either stay up or go up at all??

MY TRUE FEELINGS.........

Like any normal female would, she took it as her fault or thought that I had a problem with her. I did not (and do not) have a problem with her at all! FAR FROM IT!! At times, she becomes very frustrated and angry but WHO WOULDN'T??! I'm confused as to why this is going on! I really don't want to hurt her and at times, I've felt like cutting the relationship off just so she can have wonderful sex with someone else!! Crazy thought, huh? But thats what happens when you become riddled with guilt! On one occasion, she told me about the sex of her previous partners. She also said that it had never ever happened to her before. Ever seen that scene in Saving Private Ryan where they're trying to save that medic from dying from all those bullet wounds and you can see that he knows that he can't be saved from the painful dying that he is experiencing? That was my soul! Fair enough, I was Mr Sex machine before..........but this is me now! She said that she mentioned it because I was coming up with all kinds of excuses and that I was facing the problem head on...you know....being unrealistic about it.......and shes right. Nothing is worse than shying away from something you know is a problem. I can understand why she mentioned it (well, kinda...it was a bit indepth) but it makes you feel bottom of the list! Being a dancer/entertainer, we just don't see our world as being 'bottom of the list'!

ME AS A PERSON..................

What kind of person am I? I'm a person who worries alot. I worry about all kinds of things from the organisation in my life to whats gonna become of my future. I'm scared of lossing myself and having my identity stolen (long story!) and want to be a person thats seen as good, happy and hardworking but chilled out at the same time. I can be very insecure about myself because I feel that back in school and college (and even when I was 19, 20) I was always the ugly boy out of all my friends :-(. Its had this everlasting effect on me and I'm still insecure today! I live a stressful life but I believe that alot of the stress is due to the way I think. My mind can be so negative and my heart can be so amped up with 'who are the ones that are responsible for my twisted being?'. Not good. I really do feel that I need to set meyself free.

MY PARTNER AND I.........

I thought she would never understand. Don't think she does fully as this has never happened to her but I dream constant of the day that these demons go away. She always makes alot of sense when she talks and can really make me feel safe at times. We are in love....we know we are....but I have this fear that she might run away if I keep this up. She says she won't.....but I have this deep down feeling that she might. It really hursts to think about it (MORE STRESS!) and everytime it comes to sex, depending on how my mind is, I can have a good time with her (which doesn't happen enough!) or I feel that I HAVE to have sex with her because she will flip out (MORE STRESS but thats not her fault. Thats my twisted thinking!) or I can think that I'm in the mood and I fail :-( no....correction....I AM in the mood and it STILL fails!!! Alot of the times, I'm about to have sex and the last song that I was listening or the song that I was listening to for most the day (OCD with music!) kicks into my brain! Talk about poor concentration or becoming nerves so my mind goes pop! How weird.....how sad....but unfortunately, this is my reality.

WHAT I PLAN TO DO

Sort myself out, start loving myself again (and I mean properly, not just thinking it cause I want to!) be more organised in life to become stress free, exercise alot more and tell myself that no matter what obstacles get in my way in life, I'm ore than capable of getting over them. I think I should also visit the GP just in case. I have done but was told that I should just live a better lifestyle. Although I'm yet to do that in present day, I really want to make sure that it not some kind of physical damage.

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!

I find it so reliving that I'm not the only one out there. There are all kinds of people that have contributed to this page and alot of the times I've been like 'YEAH, THATS JUST LIKE MY SITUATION!' BIG thanks to the females who have contributed too! It feels good to hear the female point of view. I think I'm lucky enough to have a girlfirend that is the best of the part patient with me as this helps alot. Doesn't make the anxiety go 100% but its a start and its one of the mains. I hope all of you wake up from this nightmare and one day laugh at it! I hope to!

Take care of yourselves and good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010):

This has happened to me twice in the past, with two different girls. I can relate to how embarrassed a guy can feel in this situation, specially when it's the first time that it happens. You really start to ask yourself if you've lost the sex drive that you had in your youth (and what am I talking about! It first happened to me when I was 20!).

So anyways, I'm 23 now and back then I blamed it on fatigue, stress, the condom being too tight, etc.

Until I came to notice a strong similarity between the two girls with who it happened: they were both physically NOT MY TYPE!

I met up with both of them on later dates, but with both of them I felt no sexual chemistry!

I noticed that even if they were prettier than some of my exes, their body simply could not turn me on.

And thus I came to realize that the phrase "he/she is not my type" does have some substance to it.

Ladies, don't feel hard done by. If this happens to your partner and you feel like it might be because of you, ..., move on. There are plenty of other guys who will like you for who you are.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010):

hey im 20 and im having the same problem today.

now other times i can go for hours, and my girl is hot. but the past few days Ive gotten really stressed out with money work and family, and stopped working out and been eating more junk food.

Now i felt really bad when it went down both times and i really was into but idk what happened. but I did here of this before and do see that maybe that stuff has changed me a little, so now time to start doing what i was doing before and sop being stressed cause i do think that stress is a big part of it according to everyone else to.

I do feel that the info on here will help thanks guys for letting me know im not alone in this

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010):

Your problem is purely psychological. Its typical. When you have something on your mind you tend to "daydream" in a way during sex. Your body's reaction is that it thinks you're not having sex. The mind controls the body's actions. Sometimes you have to force yourself to think of things that would really get you off. Maybe think of another girl or doing something really forbidden to your girl that she might never let you do. Always works for me. You just need a spark.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010):

I'm 19 and I used to have this problem a lot, but at the same time I had no job and money problems, ate junk food all day and exercised little.

I found the problem went away when I got a job I loved, went to the gym on my lunch breaks and dieted sensibly. And this was all with the same woman, and no doubt I'm attracted to her!

All I can suggest is the same, it worked for me! - mr beefy 023

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010):

I have had this problem myself me and my girlfriend have been going out for over a year now and it has happened a few times, the main factor for me was i was to stressed at times so i suggest you make sure you are both relaxed and also i recently discovered haveing my girlfriend give oral sex before penertation which has somehow kept it up all the time now

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010):

This happened to me the other night with my new girl friend.

Its been a year since ive had sex, and i never have had this happen to me before. This week ive been really stressed and have not gotten alot of rest. To top it off i was nervous because it has been so long and it was my first time having sex with my new girl friend. I think the combo of these things was the culprit. Make sure your getting enough rest and try to relax.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010):

hi, i have recently started seeing a man who is gorgeous, we got on fantastically etc. we are both in our 40's so not that young like most of you here seem to be ! anyway, ive never had any complaints from a man and pride myself on being a considerate lover. i was most suprised when my man couldnt stay hard and of course thought it was me ! ive never come across a limp penis before so was not sure what to do with it. he didnt mention it so it didnt want to either. i did however manage to get a bit of function going through oral, and now that we have slept together a few times there has been a lot of improvement ( still loses it after being inside me for a little while though)so i guess he was just nervous. having read your other comments i feel very lucky and amazed that ive not come across this problem before ! do you men have any tips for us girls for keeping a man hard ?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010):

I am having the same problem and I am 37 years old.. it only started one year ago.. I guess watching porno every night and masturbating has a major role in that..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010):

I've only had sex 1 time, that was a few years ago and it was a terrible experience. She pretty much made me ditch the condom at the beginning because she wanted to feel me better - don't ever let a girl talk to you into that. Safe to say I got nervous about the risks of doing it without a condom and I lost my erection, I barely came that night. Since then I've had problems keeping an erection when I try and masturbate without pornography. Certainly eating better and getting more exercise are great for you, but you also have to find a way to train yourself at home, this is what I do and I notice it helps me keep erections better and I feel like I'm approaching sex (even if it's just with myself) in a more natural way.

1) It's fine to watch porn, but chose one scene, and only one scene at random, stop going through tons of clips finding the best 20 seconds of each one. In time try and phase out the porn and try doing things mentally, preferably thinking about a girl you could realistically get with.

2) Lay down on your back and don't touch yourself, let the mental stimuli get you hard. Relax your legs and thighs.

3) Use the hand that you least masturbate with and LIGHTLY grab on to your penis, try and pretend it's a vagina, most vaginas are not like your hand and don't offer anywhere near the friction you probably use on yourself regularly.

4) Thrust up and down into your hand without actually moving your hand, thus emulating sex. Don't let your hand tighten up and thrust slowly at first.

5) It is important that you try and focus on the things that make you hard about the girl, not about what your penis is feeling.

6) Also extremely important, BREATHE -- oxygen helps keep the erection strong.

7) You should be, if you are like me, hard and not feeling your usual penis death grip. In time, if you are relaxed and you are focusing on the girl, you will feel, slowly, the urge to cum starting to broil, don't lose focus on the girl. Keep that grip LIGHT and you should start feeling those leg, ab, muscles work harder as you thrust faster in order to cum. Keep breathing and concentrating on the girl until the end.

8) try doing this in different positions: on your side, missionary with one arm keeping you up (this is a workout), in a V as in doggy style etc. The point is that you are exercising more realistic sex habits, you should be breaking a minor sweat at least. Your legs/thighs/abs need practice in order to perform when the time actually comes. I honestly think that a lot of the problem people have has to do with the fact that they either haven't worked out those muscles at all and/or don't have a technique that makes things easy for them physically, thus they get tired quickly and that moves the brian's attention away from the girl and onto your weak muscles, which then results in a lost erection. In addition, this kind of stuff will make it less strange/stressful to actually have sex because you've worked out these positions on your own. I can't wait till my next girlfriend so that I can actually try these things.

Let me know if this helps or if it doesn't help at all, !

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010):

Ive been having the same problem and im only 19 years old ive found that cutting down on masterbation. and working out moore like liffting waieghts or just doing somthing active helps allot and not smoking drinking ext hope it works for u

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010):

I'm 26 and can testify that the older i get, the less sensitive my penis is. I get turned on mentally during foreplay but once I'm 'in' the friction/pressure does not stimulate the way it used to. I recently spoke to uncle who is a urologist and he told me that there seems to be a correlation between circumcision and E.D.

Take the advise that others have posted and if you have a child don't mutilate his penis.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010):

Hello everyone. Yes, this has happened to "mine's truly". Yep. I hate it with a passion like no other. Worst of all is, I want to. I'm worked up (mentally) and would love nothing more than to goad her with my prong all night for starters. I think frankly, stress is the culprit. Along will ill silly thoughts of insecurity. My solution. Ditch the stress. Like saying. Whew. I'm gonna relax temporarily. Maybe I'll suck on you for a tad and etc. What's helped me: lay on your back! Have her kiss and suck on your pecks/nipples. Once back up. Have her ride it. Suck her hanging mammaries and... I'm sure you'll come up with some really creative solutions at this point. -All the best. -Miami Boy.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010):

I'm a young male. Im a teen actully. And were most of you would argue that I shouldn't be having sex well i've grown to just ignore things like that. Anyway, me and my girlfriend are both new to it. But in the last few weeks we've been sneaking out practicly everyday and we mess around. And through that I'm hard. But recently we tried to have sex and my penis would not get fully hard. I saw her earlier in the day but I got hard then but that night I couldn't. It feels degrading. But she was understanding, disapointed but she understood. Problem is o don't know if it's me being nervous or the stress thing and being tired. I mean last month not to much sleep. But I work out eat well. Have very good health. Work a lot. But I'm just hoping it's the stress thing.

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A male reader, lovenormoney United Kingdom +, writes (9 August 2010):

right ive had this problem aswell doing push ups and sit ups etc does not help i work out alot, fast foods hmm ok maybe one of the causes but i eat healthy aswell so cant be that, smoking mite have something to do with it or being nerves but when i was with my ex it was non stop sex and i could get a hard on any time i wanted the trouble was getting him back down lol. but ive tryed having sex with other people after my ex and it happens again so im thinking wtf is wronge with me i mean if this happens alll the time then is there realy a point on having a penis seriously why give me a tool to do the job if its broken.. help is needed for me and every one els who has this problem cause its not a nice thing to happen makes u feel useless and when it come to sex u get worried that it happens again i aint got a clue how to boost my ego on that matter =/

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010):

hey whats up guys this happened to me and it was aweful man its pretty degrading but all ive been doing for the past few hours is reading about posts on this problem, and well so far all of the people talk about anxiety, this was my first time and wel it wasnt for her so i guess thats the reason why i couldnt, i was hard for more than hour and right when i was about to puut the condom on my penis just got lip like it was full of lead it just shrunk right away, we had foreplay and everything but right when i was about to it just wouldnt get hard, she felt bad afterwards because she felt that she wasnt enough even when i absolutely adore this girl i love her like nothing else but this was super embarasing i feel so much beter knowng that im not alone and that this has happened to many at least once but im gona try to work this out with someexercise and talking to her about itbecause i really love her and i want this to work out, shes amazingly beautiful but i just couldnt do it even when i was dying to

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A male reader, heretohelpu United States +, writes (22 March 2010):

The answer is to boost your testosterone. Eat healthier, get some sleep, and do heavy lifting such as dead lifts, pushups, and squats. Get that feeling back between your legs like you did when you were 17.

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A male reader, heretohelpu United States +, writes (22 March 2010):

My solution was to re-boost my testosterone by doing squats, leg dead lifts, push ups, and some sit ups. I had no idea what was wrong with me and it was killing my sex life. I also cut out fast food and got more sleep. Trust me, it's more about reviving your entire body and mind than your penis. The more you feel good about yourself with the way you look and feel the better chance you will cure yourself. Also, Viagra is not a solution to the problem. It's just for desperate situations and I don't recommend staying on it for every use. It almost killed me by racing my heart rate and causing me to faint. Plus it delays ejaculation causing you to get tired and give up during sex. Hope this helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010):

try buy ED pills! It is the best way! I always buy here

http://be-the-healthiest.com

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2010):

i'm having the same problem but when i drink muscle milk the 25 g protein i do not lose it. try it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2010):

i have this problem as well i didnt want to go to the dr for this but ive tried other house wife tales n they worked for me so far so here im posting a few do's n donts btw im 23

DO

1.strecthing

2.caffine

3.greener foods

4.marijuana (sadly im not making this up it sometimes make you aroused like i dont know what and alot of women can back this claim)

5.excercising

DONTS

1.drink heavily

2.after a BIG meal (happens to me unknown about others)

3.off brand soaps (many men claimed soaps did them in at times pay the extra dollar for the name brand soap!)

4.constant eating out (fast foods)

try some of these methods maybe the will help

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010):

dude i've had and still have this problem and i'm positive it's the snowball effect from my first sexual experience where a girl made me feel like an idiot loser for not having an erection when we went to have sex (she pulled down her pants and said why aren't you hard? ...duh!)

Anyway i found a girl i really liked around 23 yrs old and i actually purchased cialis online!!! from a foreign country!!! i was so scared yet so amazed that it worked so nicely.. after a few times with that i had my confidence and it was fine with her, until the next girlfriend, and i was back to the drawing board... it's a horrible thing to deal with but know you are not alone!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010):

hmm... it happened to me.. we were trying some crazy position and i had to lift her and make love... it was all fine in the morning and in the night we tried again and my legs were just too weak and i couldnt hold on to my erection... may be the fitness should be the problem.. as this has happened to me only when i am too much worked out.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010):

What you should try is more foreplay in between sex positions. Its possible during sex you try not to cum quick so you concentrate on other things. Thus this might lose your erection. I would definitely try to throw more teasing and oral in between sex just to make you focus back into sex. Hope it works out :D

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A male reader, skylightdash United States +, writes (15 February 2010):

I'm doing the exact same thing! She arouses me, and when we tease and mess around I become extremely hard, but once it comes time to have sex.. It seems once I place it inside for a few, it falls out with no erection. I am becoming very aggravated and pissy over this.. if you find something that works, let me know!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010):

Sexual arousal, and the subsequent act of maintaining the stimulus throughout the act of lovemaking is markedly dependant upon maintaining the mental focus as much as the physical. All of us (male and female), have the ability to derive stimulation as much from visual stimulus as well as physical. If during the act of love making, you have a predisposition to not being able to maintain the mental focus, then it goes hand-in-hand that as the focus diminishes, so the physical stimulus is affected accordingly. Once this onsets, we (men) suffer from the 'domino' effect. We become aware of the errection failing, focus on it, our anxiety increases, and so the 'software just runs'! If this happens, don't just keep trying harder, as the more you chase the solution, the further away the answer will move. It is better to stop, relax, and wait for nature to take it's course. If you put yourself under pressure, you will just be setting yourself up to fail again. There is usually an aunderlying concern or anxiety that surrounds the act of lovemaking that is manifesting itself as a physical symptom, andit's that anxiety that must be dissolved in order to readicate the problem. Talk to your partner about it. Don't pretend it isn't happening. Your partner will almost certainly be aware that it's happening, and usually will be only too willing to help reolve the issue. Good luck. Dr. Steff.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010):

iv known this guy for over 3 yrs and got together properly 2 weeks ago and made love for the first time but he lost erection half way through and i think it was my fault we broke up because i got scared and its on and off at the moment because im too scared i will hurt him again because he had problems after, please could somebody give me advice i like him but just dont know wat to do.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010):

iv known this guy for over 3 yrs and got together properly 2 weeks ago and made love for the first time but he lost erection half way through and i think it was my fault we broke up because i got scared and its on and off at the moment because im too scared i will hurt him again because he had problems after, please could somebody give me advice i like him but just dont know wat to do.

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A male reader, Paws United States +, writes (13 February 2009):

Hey Guys -

Look it's been awesome reading your posts, sometimes I wonder whats up in my head. Everyone I know has had this happen except for a few, and they're douche bags for not having erection issues sometimes - I kid, I kid.

I'm 25, I've had intercourse well over 1000 times, mostly with the same partner. If anxiety is causing the problem as it does for me sometimes, this has almost totally solved it ( this probably will not help on one night stands ).

Come early - haha no not really, but pretend to. Yep, just make her think you already came and then keep going. She'll think you're already finished so it would only be natural to lose the erection, right? This takes the stress off because as long as she thinks you already came once, you can lose it at anytime and not feel embarrassed

However, I have found with the stress gone I just keep going and going. I weight nearly 300 pounds and I am 6 feet tall, I smoke every day and I have an extremely stressful engineering job that often requires me to work off hours.

Some women may be offended by this - ultimately you are kind of lying. However, in my case, I told her thats what I did but she can't really tell if I come early or if I'm playing it off to stay hard.

Does this make sense? Does it help you see how stress is related.

I owe a lot to posts like these and I thought I'd share my own story. Hope it helps.

Ciao.

Matt

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008):

Not sure if this has been put up here yet but here's something that really helped me. my wife and i decided to stop using hormonal birth control because of all the mood swings and subdued sex drive it caused. Which meant back to the good old barrier method. Here's what I've learned.

NOT ALL CONDOMS ARE MADE THE SAME.

Yes they all stretch beyond belief and offer virtually the same protection, but fit and sensitivity levels vary greatly. I've found that some condoms are just to tight, they cut circulation almost completely taking a rock hard erection to a limp duck in seconds. Because of this i switched to Magnums. Yeah, yeah I know ohhh "they're only for black guys with 8" cocks or bigger." Myth. I thought the same thing until my wife suggested I try one. It made a world of difference.

The average erect penis is less than 6" and the diameter less than 2". Personally I'm not stretching out a magnum. But i am bigger than average and a little thicker than most. Having a little extra room gives my penis space to breath and heightens enjoyment for me and my wife. If you're still a little gun shy about the gold wrapper Durex Avanti also gave me some breathing room.

You also want to look for condoms that have heat transfer. Aighn't nothing like the real thing but being wrapped in plastic at very least you should be able to feel her warmth.

Lastly, there are female barrier methods that allow you to keep the natural feel while staying safe. A diaphragm blocks the cervix which means no pregnancy but you're still susceptible to STDs, which could be fine if you are in a monogamous relationship and you've both been tested. If you rather not go to the doctor for a fitting, the Sponge worked great for us for a while. They're pretty expensive, $12 for a pack of 3, which is why we stopped buying them. They last the whole day though and if you like them you can order them online for cheaper. Like the name implies it literally sucks up the cum, which make for less clean up.

Hope this helps! Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008):

i dont know what to say i sometimes have the same problem when im on my own the erection is like a rock and when im with my girl it is fantastic some times and sometimes i will loose my erection one thing for sure she does not do much of oral on me but i satisfies her with my hand and mouth

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008):

Hello to all

I am glad to know that I am not the only guy in the world haveing this problem. "Although i do wish that none of us were haveing this erection problem". I have read all these comments and I feel like I understand a little more on why i lose my erection.

I am 26 yrs old and i feel like i am a good looking guy but my sex life really sucks. I have had sex several times but not on a repitious level like every day or every other day just here and there. I used to masterbate everyday while watching porn and when i do this I can easily get an erection and climax on command. I talked to my little brother who is 22yrs and has sex at lest 3 to 4 times a week with multiple women who are gorgeous and he seem to think that all the masterbation my have something to do with my erection problem. I was with a someone yesterday when i had this freaking limp dick porblem. Gosh i hate it when it happens to me i feel so embarassed and somehow half the man and the fact that i know that inside she thinks its her who cant give me and erection when its not SHE IS SO HOT. I really dont have a deffinate answer to this qustion but below are some reasone why i think this may happen.

* poor health try to excersise get in shape

* be confident of your self

* dont masterbate all the time

* commmunicate with your partner

* relax dont think so much if you start thinking alot you loose the erection.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008):

Well i posted on the 26th Novemeber and things are getting better. Still have a problem as soon as I put a Johnny on but hey its getting there. At least the little man stays hard for a period of time and he did his job in pleasuring her.

I think its best just to ask if she likes oral and if she does not want to do it with you ask if you can do it for her. It gradually gets easier as you get to know each other

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2008):

fuckin right

now i can go back with confidence thanks guys

ok i would really like to try oral but i dont know how to ask her without making her feel uncomfortable how do i approach that

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008):

I am also having this probelm! I have met the most amazing girl who is so attractive but during sex the little man does not want to know! I can be hard for 10 minutes and the suddenly nothing! I think that worry does not help, the more you think about keeping an erection the easier it is to lose it. Reading some of the answers below has helped and next time will be much better!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008):

This would happen to me in different situations. Sex, Oral, everything. I think that it is really important that your not scared of what the girl will think when you loose it. I used to be nervous and pray that i wouldnt loose it, but then i realized it was no big deal, and my girlfriend would just joke about it and help me get it up again!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008):

Today I was at this girls house that I've been really into for like a month now, I went down on her and she was already wet before I took off her panties. I was a virgin, she asked if I had the condomn and I pulled it out, put it on after she stimulated my penis with some oral. It was going great until it was my turn to do some work, and I think I got tired or something and it all just went away. I felt like a jackass for blue balling her, she kept reassuring me it wasn't that big of a deal, and maybe I wasn't ready. I think I'll try working out more, drinking more water, and probably dropping some stress off in the process. This should improve everything from what I've seen, and as a last resort I'll probably try Enzyte as a backup plan.

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A female reader, EvieA United States +, writes (6 November 2008):

EvieA agony auntIts stress and worrying.

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A male reader, Judous United States +, writes (8 October 2008):

This used to happen to me, and I thought very odd since I was turned on with a very attractive girl. But here are the biggest reasons that you can lose your erection half way.

These are the reasons why I used to lose mine.

Smoking - This one most people don't know about. But it affects your circulation and therefore your erection.

Exercise - This will be a big one, when exercising you have better circulation and much more stamina, being in good shape is by far the best way to have great sex.

Stress - Another big one, when I have something big on my mind, it is almost impossible to get me really turned on.

Bad/complicated relationship - I used to see a girl long distance, she moved on and got another man. When she moved close to my area she was still dating him but we started seeing each other again. And I found that if i was trying to make love to her I would sometimes get bad images in my head about the other guy and I would lose my erection completely.

So watch out for these things. Just because you are losing your erection doesn't make you less of a man. It is very degrading to feel, but it's most likely an issue with your overall health, physically or mentally. Fix those and you fix your friend ;)

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A male reader, Kellog Ireland +, writes (19 July 2008):

I think the problem may be due to anxiety,if it`s happened before,your unconsciousness kicks in to remind you about the last time it occured and forms a vicious circle.If that`s the case,perhaps try to relax or undertake self-affirmation exercises.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2008):

It's very reassuring to find out other people have had this problem. This happened to me during a blowjob so I felt like an absolute idiot.

I'm going to talk to my girlfriend and do some other recommended things, so thanks.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008):

Don't worry too much about it.it could be dues to stress or maybe you're on madication,that could cause you to lose your erection.

I would however suggest you see your gp if this carries on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008):

ok-so what about a guy who loses it 99% of the way through sex instead of halfway?

By that, I mean he stops when I'm at the climax, which is also right where he would be if he didn't stop.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, and yes I am getting a divorce.

If a guy stops himself because he is starting to explode, because he wants the sex to go on longer-he could be interrupting his wife's orgasm.

So--don't get into the habit of holding back like that is my advice.

It could really ruin it for a woman if you do it too many times.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008):

I have had this problem myself in the past, and being the same age thought I could help. Some people and websites state many different causes, from stress and anxiety or fatigue, but i know its not so easy to just reprogram any underlying problems that may be bugging you whether they are known or subconsciously affecting an individual.

All that aside, i have had my share of experiences, with long term girlfriends and one-nighters. After much frustration I invested in one of those "male enhancement" products after ditching more embarassing tools like c-rings. Personally I bought a month supply of Enzyte, it happened to be at a K-mart so it was convenient. All that size increase mumbo jumbo aside, the effects were pleasing. Hate to sound like an infomercial, but it entirely remedied my problem. Took about 2 weeks to work, and I was only taking one pill like every other day. I no longer lost "wood" and instead had those good ole rock hards that you would wish for...just a lil tidbit, it also nearly doubled my average time, and in doin so, had HUGE satisfaction in releasing (if you know what I mean). Anyway, try it out, theres even some GNC products that can work. I use a goofy named product called "Horny Goat Weed" now cus its cheaper, even tho Enzyte worked better.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008):

Just happened to me last night. When I had regular girl friends I never had that problem. I've recently started one night stands, and it has happened to me twice. I think not knowing the person really well is very intimidating. It was a bit awkward, and I was half hard the whole time i was in her; I took a break to go down on her, and that was it from there. I completely lost my erection, and since there was only one condom, there was no point in getting it back.

Both times this has happened to me I found the following for maybe being the reason:

1. Stress of a new partner

2. Worry that I won't be able to please

3. Tired + a small dose of alcohol

4. Stress in my daily life with my studies

5. The conditions in the room were not ideal at all (candles + music does help a lot to relax; here the bed was badly situated etc...)

I came home and jacked off to re-assure myself I still could. I feel embarassed, and the girl feel embarassed as well. I am going to try and see her next week, and I think I'll just be honest with her and explain to her the reasons why this happened. I would hate for her to feel bad about it; personally I don't care as much since I know this happens to all my friends. I care more about her feelings and the fact that she might think she is inadequate.

I just hope that she won't mind having sex with me a second time :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008):

My boyfriend has this trouble to at first i did think it was me but after a talk we had about it ( after he admitted how embarrassed he felt) i understood that it wasnt really either of ours fault.

I found Oral helps in this situation just taking the time, being calm and giving his "Little man" abit of attention will perk him back up.

Also found that switching and doing different positions were the woman is doing alot of the work can help to as this can prevent tiredness if you have been at it for awhile.

Just try not to make a big deal out of it if nothing works, you wouldnt want to feel shy and awkwad the next time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008):

im 20 i have this problem sometimes.. mostly with girls i just met or arnt comfortable with yet, i think it might be because of ecstasy since in the past iv easily gone 5+ hours rock hard the whole time, masturbating less and aphrodisiacs help as well as doing shit like a bunch of pushups or some intense workout before hand (just to get the testosterone going)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

I was a virgin until just recently and still have not been able to finish in one go, but just reading the responses here have heartened me a bit.

I obviously masturbated for years before finally having sex, and think the years of laziness (i.e. only using my hand) and not actually using the various muscles and motions necessary for actually thrusting into a woman, are working against me. The additional effort and sensations, added with the self-consciousness of having a smaller penis, and of course anxiety that I'll lose it at any time, conspire to do exactly that.

My girlfriend has been very understanding so far, I've been open about what I think the cause(s?) may be, and I hope she remains patient with me. It's not her; I can stay more or less stiff for over an hour while we're cuddling, but within minutes of actual sex I not only lose the erection, I seem to lose all interest in sex! Even direct stimulation won't bring it back for a good 10-20 minutes :-(

Other avenues I'm exploring:

- certain antidepressants kill sex drive. When I was on even a mild, "child"-level dose, I only had sufficient interest to masturbate maybe two times a week. Once off it and it was flushed from my system I was jerking off 4 or 5 times a week for a while.

However, I've been off that for over a year, and the lower-than expected sexual desire returned about nine months ago. One factor eliminated...

- I'm mentally unfocused, probably have mild attention deficit disorder. I took another medication which focused me during the day, but also damped sex drive (though not as bad as the antidepressants). However, since I'm now off *that* was well, I'm also considering...

- lack of energy, caused mostly by lack of exercise (my diet is decent, but not great). I *am* trying to up my physical activity, but maybe to "cheat" a bit, I'm considering an energy drink shortly before sex (looking for a drink which wears off fast, I don't want to be tossing and turning afterwards until 3 a.m.!).

- Maybe more direct stimulation of the penis before actual sex is needed. So far we've gone from kissing and caressing straight to sex. Neither of us are comfortable with the idea of oral sex just yet; we're both new to this.

In short, I don't have a solution to offer, but reading about what others have gone through and what works for them, and writing about my own problems, has made me feel a bit better.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008):

as a guy I can say that it happens to me fairly regularly (maybe once out of every 20 times having sex. it's awkward, and it's easy to get down on your self because as a guy your supposed to give your girl 20 orgasms and you have to last 12 hours..riiiigghhhht.

I've figured out that it's a combination of a few main factors that cause limpness. With me it's usually..

1) Either I've been masturbating way too much and don't really have much desire left

2) I'm tired or stressed

3) I haven't practiced good enough "cock control". This is something someone else mentioned in this comments section by someone else. I'm sure that a lot of you guys that regularly jerk it you know pretty well how to manipulate your erection. While I can't say I've ever lasted for an hour of just humpin' away, I've definitely whacked it for well over an hour. That's because I can approach the verge of ejaculation, and then back off somewhat. This control does help with sex, but the mastery of masturbation doesn't translate into full control during sex. The vagina feel's way better than my hand, and it's a completely different feeling. With me, I end up coming a little and basically it's sort of like a fizzled orgasm. What i mean is that if I've come close to peaking , basically my penis just gives up since it's already came So you can peak and not necessarily get that rush and extreme feeling of pleasure. Maybe soem of you don't know what I'm talking about, but it's pretty much a matter of knowing when to pull back from the build up to orgasm, and learning to keep your penis in a state where it can stay hard, and not too ready for orgasm. If you leave it in that heightened state of near climax too long it will pack it in and say good night. Anyway, it's happened to me enough times to make me self conscious about it, but then again, I've also f*#(ed my girlfriend hard and good about 20 times for every 1 cancelled show.

don't get too down and if yer girl makes you feel bad abotu it guess what? she's beeeeeeeitch and needs to be ditched.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008):

my boyfriend has had trouble with having an erection, i asked him what was the reason y he keeps losing an rection because i keep thinking its me and he says there is no reason, i have tried to help him on various occasions, and hes not opening up to me and telling me whats wrong, i have read the comments and i can understand if its stress. I think he stresses himself out thinking he is not good, i ahve told him several times not ot think like that and hes not to reassure him, but hes not reassuring me when it happens to him. I can't do nothing more to help him he will have to sort it out himself.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008):

dude I wouldn't worry about it whatsoever like everyone said it's just stress or maybe you're not comfortable when doing it. Mos tlikely, it's stress. It's happened to me and as horribly embarrassing as it is at that moment, all it is is performance anxiety so just take the itme to calm yourself down and you'll pull through

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008):

hey i had sex today and lost my erection both times but it was my first time and i'm pretty sure it was just nerves and reading the replies has helped so thanks people :)

oral does help with erections

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008):

My boyfriend did that too and i thought it was me.. we got into a huge fight over it because i felt almost as if i werent good enough. but after reading all this i understand more and now i know were not the only ones.. good luck :]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2007):

My boyfriend did this! it was the first time it had ever happened and to be honest all that was going through my mind was.. is it me? am i not turning him on? he said it was because he was really tired and stressed and he thinks that was it! we just left it at that. it did feel really akward but i think its good if you can talk about reasons why it could have happened how you feel etc. i think he was embarrassed by it because we had only been going for about 10 minutes and he couldnt carry on. I think he felt like i was disapointed but honestly men dont think this. we know its not your fault you cant control your little man whether he wants more or not. Probably more females blame it on themself because they think oh my man doesnt fancy me blah blah. Thats what i thought but reading these answers helps. Thanks x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

hey well i think it could be stress maybe you should have some time to yourself to calm down because this has happened to my boyfriend a couple times and its usually because he's so stressed out and finding a partner who's understanding wouldn't hurt either.

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A male reader, leonard j.Douglas Philippines +, writes (27 May 2007):

Hi! Losing my erection halfway through sex: Welcome to the Club of Failed Erections. Just being a male makes you a member of the club. Like most of us men, you set yourself up for ED-Erection Dysfunction- early on in your childhood.And here is how you did just that. Wasn't it fun to Jack-off?,Masturbate,way back when,and now. Yes, Bet those quickies gave your Joytoy, penis, a heavenly feeling. And perhaps you never even got caught, and us men were pretty fast with those hand-jobs, wouldn't you say? Well the bad news is none of us got away with it. And your penis is still doing just what you, or I, taught it to do way- back- when. We taught it to Shoot-it's-wad, Ejaculate PDQ,(Pretty- Damn-Quick). So we just carried These quickies over into our ongoing sexual relationships. Our penises were in one hell of a hurry way back when, and they sill are today. However all is not lost my halfway through it friend. You got yourself into trouble with those "Quickies". So here is how you can get yourself out of coming too soon. It's back to Masturbation, yes, You heard me.I said Masturbation. If you have a caring loving partner, She can help you to gain control over your penis.

And here is what you must do if you want it all the way instead of just halfway. You hand-stimulate your penis to an erection, but your goal is not to have an erection, just to keep your penis nice and hard. Then you must bring your penis close to an ejaculation, but just before you, come, spill your seed. You reduce your hand-stroking of the Penis or you may have to stop Stroking it completely, but at the sametime you must try to keep your penis in a state of erection. Your goal is to see if you can bring your penis to the point of no return, an ejaculation, at least six times while you are retrain your penis to maintain an erection. Hope that this has been helpful. I took you years to train your penis to be a failure. So don't get in a hurry in your Penile Retraining Program.Me I'm pussing 80, years young, and I'm still working on a now and then limp-noodle, failed erections.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007):

theres these things you can get there called cock rings you put them around the base of your penis and it will hold the ecrection

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007):

The guy i am currently with has the same problem his penis seems to have a mind of its own, we have tried lots of different things and still we have the same problem, i have read some of the answers given to this question and i agree but i do feel it is my fault that it happens and it makes me feel like i am worhtless and i can not do nothing for my boyfriend,

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2005):

my boyfriend and I have had the same problem. We have just started having sex recently with each other. There will be some days that he's up and ready to go, but other days when he will get it up and then lose it either half way during sex or right before sex. We've learned that oral stimulation is the best way to get it back again, and then it's usually not a problem. One thing to make sure of, is make sure that you tell the girl that it's not her, that it's just nerves or whatever you think the reason may be. The girl will start to think it's her, that she's not turning you on enough. I seriously doubt it has to do with you not being "into" it enough, having sex the right way can be one of the most passionate and intimate moments. Another thing we have been doing is having sex in the morning when he wakes up already erect. The past few times we haven't had the problem occur, but he did say that when it was a problem alot of it was in his head, and he began to think he had a serious problem, but these mental thoughts physically prohibited him from becoming erect. I hope this helps!

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A male reader, Guru +, writes (3 October 2005):

It is just a normal problem not to worry about it, try following steps.

1. Relax, keep concentration on what you cherish the

most in sex.

2. Do not busy your mind on routine issues/problems.

3. Do not keep for long inside, have breakes and play.

4. Do not have too much sex,save energies to enjoy 3to

4 times a week.

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A female reader, cheeky_minx1987 +, writes (3 October 2005):

go to your doctor would be my best bet... i no its not nice to go to the doctor about it but at the end of the day once its sorted you can have as much pleasure as you want. how does this sound... one uncomfotable moment for a lifetimes worth of please!! sounds like heaven to me. also during sex dont be worrying about whether your going to lsoe your erection because you will be causing a lot of stress on your body! just keep calm and enjoy what you can of it!! :D

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A male reader, smitty0421 +, writes (3 October 2005):

Maybe you are bored with the sex you are having. Try spicing things up a little bit. Don't forget foreplay can be used during sex as well. Don't be afraid to tell your partner what you like and don't like. Try new things, new positions, and include whatever may please your partner and yourself. Also, try to be as relaxed as possible. Being nervous may be a cause of your loss of erection. The more confidence you have the better the sex for the both of you will be.

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A female reader, xixi +, writes (3 October 2005):

Hi there, first of all, it's ok it happens to a lot of guys. It happened to my current boyfriend when we first started having sex together, but now he's perfectly fine and can keep his erection up much longer. It's anxiety-related. You're still young, so sex is pretty new to you and your body. Just tell your girlfriend that this is why it's happening, and you just need a little extra time to get your erection back. You may need her help to rub you to get it back up again. So just relax and take some breaks during sex to stimulate yourself again, and eventually you'll find a natural rhythm that can keep you going longer. Even while you're not up, you can focus on stimulating her and make her feel good with your mouth or your hands or a combination. I'm sure she'll appreciate more attention to her body.

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A male reader, Rick1957 +, writes (3 October 2005):

I would have to say that this young man has a secret sexual fantasy that's just not getting fulfilled and therefore looses his erection. In short he is getting bored and once the erection starts to go, nerves take over and make it worse. I think he should relax and tell his partner about what he really wants to try

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A male reader, Jimmy +, writes (3 October 2005):

I think what is happening here is that before the actual act of sex itself, you are billing it up as something more than it actually turns out to be when you engage in the act and thus lose interest or let your mind wander during the act. The result is that you lose the momentum half way through. There are various products on the market that are supposed to sort this out but I think what you should do is to try abstaining from it for about a week and then take things slowly and relaxed, not going too far too fast.I think that you will reap much more rewards from it.

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A male reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (3 October 2005):

Well, the first thing to do is change the way you are looking at the situation.You are only 19, and could be welcoming the opportunity to find out more about yourself and your body. I would start by trying to identify any patterns that may be emerging in the days (or weeks) leading up to the event. You may discover something valuable about your yourself and your body's functioning.

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A reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (3 October 2005):

FIRSTLY... Stay cool, stress can make men have problems getting an erection.

SECONDLY... This isn't anything to be ashamed of, many male porn stars (small percentage) lose theirs half way through and they are shagging one of the sexiest females in the world! So, if you lose your erection then simply let the girl give your oral until you get erect then carry on...

Dont get embarassed or anything (its easy to say i know) but when your confidence goes you will find it harder to get an erection because of the pressure (you have brought on yourself).

THIRDLY... There are (legal) drugs that can enhance your sex life, alot now are actually herbal and contain no chemicals (meaning no side-effects, however, some doubt they actually work). They claim to do multiple things like:

* increase the size of your penis

* make you keep an erection for longer

* increase sexual desire

* increase the volume of your ejaculation

With many things like that it depends on the person, they affect everyone differently, most claimed features should be in effect an hour or so after they been taken (read instructions for a better guideline) but the increase in penis size is likely to be on of those take over a year or so before you notice any major difference and theres no guarantee that your penis will get any larger or that the herbal ones would work at all.

You can also get special cream and lubes that are designed to make you keep an erection and/or last longer

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