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*llis Mac

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Everyone else has dates for the school dance..it's getting me down

Q.   This may sound a bit stupid but to a young girl at school, trust me it ain't, well hear i go, am having trouble at school, its the school dance soon and i think i'm the only one without a date, all my friends have a guy or a girl to go with and the ...

A.   5 December 2005: There must be someone you would go with who is not already taken. Pluck up the courage, face the fear, and go and ask them.... (read in full...)

Need kissing tips...

Q.   I'm a 16 year old girl who is dating the most wonderful guy on the face of the planet. He's 22, and we're both really, really shy... lol! Now, I haven't kissed a lot of people before, and he hasn't actually kissed ANYONE before me... but when w...

A.   18 November 2005: Kissing is wonderful!!! All you have to do is feel it, and enjoy it. Enjoy the sensation of your lips moments away from the touch, savour the moment. Feel your heart pound as they touch firmer, and just let your emotions do the rest.... (read in full...)

We live 120 miles apart so when we get together and have sex... well, it goes too fast.

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months and we live 120 miles apart. When we have sex which is once or twice a week, if that, he has this problem. He can't go very long and he says it's not my fault. He's had this problem before ...

A.   17 November 2005: You could suggest that the intial stages are spent with foreplay on you. You don't have to mention that it is because he climaxes too quickly. You like a lot of foreplay. Then you could get worked up, and introduce your partner roughly 7 minutes ... (read in full...)

Is the fact that my husband "needs" time with his friends normal?

Q.   Hello, I ve been married for 10 months. I love my husband and I know he loves me too. He has this habit of going to the cafe across the street and sit with his friends, talk , play cards and stuff. I made it clear that I am not really excited a...

A.   7 November 2005: Yes, it's fine for him to take that space, you just need to find something of your own to occupy your mind. What are you interested in?... (read in full...)

There's an age gap and he's married and he has kids. But I can't help the fact that I love him!

Q.   I've known some family friends for a number of years and have always got on really well with the dad. Recently he told me he loved me, and I think I feel the same about him. We kissed and got quite physical. We get on so well, and always have done. ...

A.   7 November 2005: Don't stress, you'll only make yourself ill, and cloud your judgements. To understand your situation, you must begin to understand your relationship with your father. Here lie all the keyes to you understanding your attraction to this father figu... (read in full...)

Is my soulmate still out there, while I'm still here with my boyfriend?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for four years. It has always been nice. He's supportive, a good listener, an honest, hard worker, and awesome at night. We get along very well, like best friends. I'm very comfortable and happy with him. But sometimes I ...

A.   7 November 2005: Ah. Soulmates.It's about what you believe. There is a possibility that you could have more than one soulmate. You could have 1000 soulmates, or more!! How does that grab you? Every single human being is made of the same salt and earth and wate... (read in full...)

I found out my daughter's bisexual when I looked at her email!

Q.   I am concerned about my daughter. She is 18 at Xmas and has been very friendly with a girl a year younger. They are good friends and I have let my daughter stay overnight at her place on many many occasions. Her friend has also stayed here as ...

A.   4 November 2005: I know it must be hard for you especially at 59, but what's happening with your daughter is perfectly natural.You have grown up in an era when society made it seem unacceptable, but the fact is that today, bi sexuality, homosexuality, is no longer ... (read in full...)

Trying hard to do what my husband wants in the bedroom, but I find it all a bit uncomfortable!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I'm a 30 year old women and inexperienced. I'm married and I have concerns. My husband wants a freak in the sheets everyday all the time maybe the least 1 a day. I know nothing to be freaky and I know he's bored with me because ...

A.   4 November 2005: Many couples have found 'role play' as a way to spice up their sex life. It's about being an actor.If you really don't want to do it, then don't, but you could at least give it a try. Take on a different persona. Becoming 'someone else' could remove ... (read in full...)

When we meet, we can't keep our eyes off each other. It's just that we're both with other people...

Q.   Hi, I desperate for some advice because I'm so confused over this situation. Basically I met this bloke when I was 17 and he was 26. He's part of the regular town social scene and although he's not that amazing looking I'd always had a bit of a ...

A.   4 November 2005: It's interesting that you say he is using you. It would seem to me that you are not the victim in this and viewing the relationship in this way is clouding your judgement. It sounds like there is a special connection between the two of you.Isn't it ... (read in full...)

He's always had a temper and now he yells every day!

Q.   My boyfriend seems to have lost interest in me. He doesn't seem to be intrested in my sexually at all. If I want to do something with him I have to practically beg him. Other than that we don't do anything. He has always had a temper, but lately it ...

A.   28 October 2005: Change, has to come from within. I'm sure you've heard that one. There's clearly an issue or some issues that are causing your partner to react in this way. What you can do is help him to begin to discover what is it that he is supressing, that is ... (read in full...)

I was drunk, I kissed another guy and I'm so ashamed. I really love my boyfriend!

Q.   I really need your help. I have been dating this boy for the past two months. He is the best person I have ever met. I love him so much and feel totally ashamed at what happened over the weekend in what was a drunken moment at at a party. I got dru...

A.   25 October 2005: Well the first thing to have in mind is that you only need to feel guilty if you intentionally set out to do harm to another human being. Even Buddha would tell you that you have nothing to feel guilty about. Secondly, we all know that becoming drun... (read in full...)

Is there a woman for me, who'd love me even though sex is out?

Q.   Dear Cupid...I am 54 years old and still a virgin, mostly because of some stupid fear of not being adequate in sex. I have only really loved once and that was when I was 21 years old and I totally screwed that relationship up even though I had ...

A.   24 October 2005: It's all up to you my friend, but firstly you have to believe that anything in this world is possible, and it is. So what are you to do? You are to create your partner. Sound strange? Well really it's not as bizarre as it may sound. It all begi... (read in full...)

Want my partner to come back to me, but hate having to take him away from a place he loves!

Q.   Here goes, Hello. I'm in a gay relationship and I see myself spending the rest of my life with my male partner. He went overseas only for ONE YEAR to work, and get experience, has a pretty "high position" and i stayed running my own succesful ...

A.   24 October 2005: Wow this is a toughy. I'm in a similar situation. I'm in one country getting qualified, and he's in another working. He had to leave 2 years ago, because he had no work in my country, and I have to study here because it's way too expensive for me to ... (read in full...)

Is the boy I'm dating gay?

Q.   Hi, I am unsure if the boy I'm dating is gay. When we first met. my friend said 'don't bother because he is gay'. When we first had sex he asked me if I'd ever had anal sex. Then when we finally got intimate he fingered me but was just staring ...

A.   24 October 2005: How important is it for you to find a label for this boy? What do you want out of the relationship? How much do you like being around him? How much would you miss him if he were not around? What sort of heart felt connections are you making with ... (read in full...)

No reason for his dumping me. How do you get over something like that?

Q.   I am so utterly broken. My boyfriend of 8 months, who I loved (and still do) more than just about anything, called me 3 weeks back on my first day at uni and broke up with me. No reasons or anything. How do I begin to get over him? I'm an emotiona...

A.   24 October 2005: Well it sounds like you have already begun to get over him, for you are grieving. That's the first stage. It must be very hard for you, considering the way your boyfriend broke it off. That's harsh. Cry until you can cry no more, and then one day ... (read in full...)

Ouch! Uncomfortable when my girlfriend is on top!

Q.   When my girlfriend is on top she makes me feel like my penis is being bent the wrong way. What can we do to help?...

A.   24 October 2005: You have to take control from the bottom. You can manipulate the movements with your own hips, and lift her slightly with your hands to position her to a more comfortable spot. Don't worry, she'll enjoy the wriggling around.... (read in full...)

Four months' wait to see each other is a long time...

Q.   I've recently met a girl, she's a friend of a friend. Well we got to talking online and I'm really beginning to like her. We talk for hours every day, getting to know each and every little detail about each other. We both agree that things are goin...

A.   24 October 2005: Keep your self busy and 4 months can pass in no time. Just think about how amazing it will be when the four months are up.... (read in full...)

My guy didn't seem to care until I started dating his friend. Now they both want me!

Q.   I have been in love with this guy for a long time but he expresses no interest in me, so I began to go out with his friend who likes me. Now the guy that I am in love with begins to sweet talk me and take notice of me. I don't want to hurt his ...

A.   24 October 2005: What do you want to do? Listen to your heart. The thing is, there are no mistakes to be made in life. Life is all about learning lessons, and all the trials and tribulations we go through, we have to go through to learn. Consider what might be your... (read in full...)

My boyfriend of 3 years just can't say those three little words...

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for three years and lived with him for two. He is 29 and I'm 28. He has been in two previous long term relationships, one for 5 years and one for 3, in each relationship he was never able to say "I love you" and to ...

A.   24 October 2005: You say your relationship is awesome. The question would be, not, why he cannot say 'I love you', but why you need to hear him say 'I love you'. What do you think? Or more importantly, what do you feel could be the reason why you need this verbal ... (read in full...)

After 5 years together neither of us feels the thrill any more. Time to move on?

Q.   I'm in a relationship for 5 years, now. It feels like an old married couple. Nothing exciting is happening anymore. Maybe it is both of us feeling the same thing, and don't want to hurt each other by moving on. What to do? stay work it out or it is ...

A.   24 October 2005: Being bored in a relationship can often be about being boring yourself. Who was it that said,'We were never bored, because we were never being boring?' Are you doing lots of exciting things that give you fun stories to relate to your partner? Are ... (read in full...)

I want to be able to have better conversations with people

Q.   A part of me is not developed or underdeveloped. It is that of social skills and that of having a conversation with people in general. I always tend to rather argue or analyse or act as judgemental and it pisses off some people especially women. I ...

A.   13 October 2005: It's simple. All you do is acknowledge that deep down we are all the same. Everyone has 'something' that they are carrying around with them. Some are really good at covering over it in social situations, but that doesn't mean that if they met ... (read in full...)

I have issues with rules and authority...

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am an adult guy and have problems working within the rules or accepting them. I find myself in burden when i work in rules and constantly try to disrespect them or even violate them. I find problems at workplace because of this....

A.   13 October 2005: Firstly, I am not a huge fan of Sigmund Freud. For me, too much of his work was centred around sexuality and not enough around sensuality. However, he was the first to document the affects our mothers and fathers had on us,in our early developmental ... (read in full...)

My husband trusts me not to play around... so why does that bother me?

Q.   I told my husband that my GED teacher said if we are in his area to let him know and he would come have a drink with us. (my husband plays in a band). My husband made a comment like "why would it be with me too?" I said it is the proper thing to ...

A.   13 October 2005: What I would say, is that you may be expecting your husband to react to your own subconscious thoughts. You feeling that your husband should be concerned, could be that with your subconscious thoughts, he does actually have reason to be concerned. ... (read in full...)

Women want me to read their signals, and I'm hopeless at it!

Q.   I'll get right to my problem - I can't for the life of me figure out how to tell when a girl is interested, let alone figure out what I should do when she is. My last relationship was quite weird as the girl basically initiated it (I was giving...

A.   13 October 2005: Dear matey. I'd love to give you some advice on this one that would completely answer all of your doubts, but to be honest, I can be just as lost as you are now. In my experience, many women do seem to be of the,'well if you don't know, I'm not ... (read in full...)

No more joking and fun, my boyfriend's gone all obsessive about me...

Q.   Help me. I have been with my bf for 1 month now and I feel like he is suffocating me. Everything was going really well until last weekend. He said he loved me. Ahhhh... I feel he has changed and he is no longer jokey with me and he is all ...

A.   11 October 2005: Tell it to him like you've told it to me. You must be true to yourself. 1 month is not such a long time in the scheme of things, and we humans are very adaptable.... (read in full...)

Engaged to my partner, but I can't stop thinking of another guy...

Q.   I've been with my partner for 18months and we are due to marry next year. I love him loads and want to be with him, but I have recently bumped into an old friend who told me that he'd always had feelings for me. Now I can't stop thinking about him ...

A.   11 October 2005: You have mentioned 'think' 3 times in your letter. This situation is very much about the mind. This guy has planted a seed of thought in your head which was not there before. You are allowing the seed to grow. You can water and feed the seed and it ... (read in full...)

Our families would be against our marrying, but I still want us to be together...

Q.   I was dating my ex boyfriend for almost 4 years, we broke up because we realised we couldn't get married due to the fact that we are of different religions and our families wouldn't be supporting. However, I want to get back with him even if it m...

A.   11 October 2005: Please do not let religion come in the way of love, nor should other peoples actions or judgements be your guides.... (read in full...)

We never have time to talk or see each other any more. Is it time to move on?

Q.   Hey there, me and my gf have been going out for about 2 years now, after we left school she has gone to 6th form and we never have time for each other and it's making me depressed. I really really miss her and she misses me but i dont know if i can ...

A.   4 October 2005: You're so young. You should be out there enjoying yourself. There's a whole world of beautiful people and places to explore, new sights to broaden your mind. The world is your oyster at this age. Make the most of it! ... (read in full...)

He's more into porn and less into me. What can I do?

Q.   I've noticed my boyfriend has recently been searching for porn on the web and recently we haven't been having sex half as much as we used to. Is it me?...

A.   4 October 2005: Your boyfriend is searching for porn and you think the problem lies with you? No, no, no. Men are visually stimulated which is why we love looking at porn. Which is why we also love our partners dressed in a visually stimulating way (do you see ... (read in full...)

Should I continue to ditch the "toxic" friend who hates my boyfriend?

Q.   I have a bit of an issue. My boyfriend, N, and I have been together a little over a year and we are very happy. However, my (male) friend, R, does not seem to be happy with our relationship. R seemed supportive at first, but would do toxic things ...

A.   4 October 2005: The way I see it, is you have at least two choices, but either way you are going to have to confront him. One is that you try to get to the root of his issue. Invite him to open up to you and really share what is going on with him. His verbal ... (read in full...)

She broke it off with the other guy to be with me, but then he sweet-talked her back!

Q.   There's this girl that I met at work about a month ago. We started out as friends because she was "talking" to this other guy who is a loser...I'm not just saying that, he is anyways.... So we have been talking a lot and we have so much in common. ...

A.   4 October 2005: Many people interpret all attraction as sexual, but infact there are many different reasons why we feel we are drawn to certain individuals. You could have a very fulfilling relationship with this girl, without it ever being sexual. Do not limit a ... (read in full...)

I'm interested in a younger girl, but she's into my cousin!

Q.   I'm 15 and I really like this girl (13) and my friends keep saying I'm in love but I'm not sure. The problem is she likes my cousin and I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about her....

A.   3 October 2005: Some say a thought is the first step to making something real. Your mind is a very powerful tool, much more powerful than you realise now. We can create our ideal jobs, our ideal lifestyles, and our ideal relationships, with the power of our ... (read in full...)

I caught my 10-year-old daughter masturbating!

Q.   I hope you can help me with this because i just dont know what to do! I have a 10 year old daughter who is very happy- go lucky and has lots of friends. Last week i walked into her bedroom to find her straddling her bedcorner and thrusting. I told ...

A.   3 October 2005: No. There is nothing 'wrong' with your daughter's behaviour. What is more interesting is your reaction, and the root of your reaction. Maybe this could be a time for you to consider where this might have come from, so you can identify what is yours, ... (read in full...)

Can I get my ex back from his pregnant girlfriend?

Q.   I really like my ex boyfriend still, but the problem is now he has met someone else and she has fallen pregnant. He says he likes her but gives me signals he likes me too. I still really miss him. I just don't know what to do. I want him back....

A.   3 October 2005: I'd say, give it some time. If it was meant to be, it will happen. In the meantime keep yourself occupied (whatever that means to you).... (read in full...)

Why is this bloke winking at me? Is he interested?

Q.   Is it normal for men to wink at you or are they trying to catch your eye because they fancy you? There is a bloke I see around from time to time and each time he sees me he always winks at me. He's a good looking guy but I wouldn't want to make an ...

A.   3 October 2005: If he smiled at you would you see that differently? I wouldn't read too much into it, but if you like him, do something back. Get him wondering whether you like him or not.Even if you don't like him, it's nice to have people smile at you. You then ... (read in full...)

Do I stay in my bad relationship, or make a break and hope the love is as strong as I think it is with my online woman?

Q.   I have been in a bad relationship for 14 years and about 4 months ago I fell in love with a girl online that lives in another country. About 3 weeks ago the online girl was diagnosed with ovarian cancer...I had been contemplating staying in my bad ...

A.   3 October 2005: I understand your dilemma. However, I feel as though you need to trust yourself on this one. No one can tell you what to do. It's a case of follow your heart or your head.If you spend quite moments listening to your heart and your inner intuition, ... (read in full...)

I keep losing my erection halfway through sex!

Q.   I'm 19 years old. I can get an erection on my own perfectly, and with girls sometimes too through oral sex, or just teasing. But sometimes when I'm having sex I lose my erection half way through it. It happens a lot of times and it's really a...

A.   3 October 2005: Well, the first thing to do is change the way you are looking at the situation.You are only 19, and could be welcoming the opportunity to find out more about yourself and your body. I would start by trying to identify any patterns that may be ... (read in full...)

When we're apart, I get worried that my boyfriend will leave me for someone new...

Q.   Hi, thanks for being willing to help me with this! What's going on is, I like his guy and he likes me, and we both live apart. Even though that kind of sucks because sometimes I fear he'll lose feelings for me from being away. I have trust in him, ...

A.   30 September 2005: If it's going to happen there is nothing you can do, so make sure you are living your life to the full, regardless. That way, if it does happen you'll have so much going on yourself, it may not be such a big deal.... (read in full...)

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