A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I'm new here and I'm hoping to get some kind advice.I have a huge problem with relationships with friends. There are so many people in my school, but I feel so left out of everything.When I'm around people, they always talk about going somewhere, like the movies, mall, the beach, etc. It sounds so fun when they talk about it but they never say a word to me about it. It would be rude of me to say, "Hey, can I come?" They probably don't want me to come if they never ask.I know I'm near 18... but I never go out. My whole life is in my room or being with the family all the time. Nobody asks me to come somewhere or anything. Even on Facebook, a ton of people write on each other's walls. Mine is just full of my own status updates. Nobody really texts me either.Even if I suggest to do something with someone, they will either say no, come up with an excuse, or they have something else to do. And if I do something with someone on a rare occasion, that person never asks me to hang out again.I just feel so left out of everything and I really don't have any friends. It really hurts not to be noticed at all. I've been struggling with this problem for the longest time throughout my school years. Does anyone have any suggestions? Sorry for the long post.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): It's tough to feel left out, but try to join a club, activity, or volunteer organization. Start by talking to one or two people who have similar interests as you and work your way up to talking to more people. It may be scary at first, but if you ask people questions about themselves, you can learn more about them and they'll be flattered you asked. If you are too nervous or shy, a simple smile and friendly attitude will go far and you'll be approachable. (Body language is important- head up, shoulders back, make eye contact, arms at your sides- not crossed, etc.) Think about your interests and what inspires you- if you like art, join an art class. If you like running, join track or an aerobics class. It's tough to make that first leap into things, but once you do you'll feel more comfortable and have many new friends. All the best!
A
female
reader, Butterfly_13 +, writes (22 June 2010):
A few years ago I was an outcast basically. I was ignored, and I didn't have any friends. I started to talk to people and speak up more. While I'm not the most popular I have a comment filled fb wall and I get invited to things a lot. Just open up and give your great personality a chance to shine. =) Good Luck!!!
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A
male
reader, cantbelievehisluck  +, writes (22 June 2010):
I know what you're going through. All through secondary school i wasnt invited to anything, had a few "Friends" and by that i mean people who sat at the same table as me, and would pick on me constantly. this was my entire secondary school experiance sadly. never went to parties or anything til much later, when my real friends who are all about 2-3 years younger than me started drinking, and ended up hanging out with them more often than not. but i always felt like an outside. whereas now i dont, as when i went to college at 17, brand new school, chance to start again is what i thought. The key i found was confidence, the only people in my class without friends were the people that didnt talk to anyone. Now, in Uni three years later, quite a lot of the same people and a lot of new people, id like to think im one of the most popular (but probably not), id just say pluck up the courage to talk to people, in person. not online. try to connect, share interests music is always good. Good Luck! :D
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A
male
reader, alex_thekind +, writes (21 June 2010):
Hey, story of my life. Well i can begin to tell you that, your pretty much discribing me back in my grade school years. Let me tell you a story about me. I moved into to the United States when i was only 8 years old. Talk about a culture shock, my first school was an all English speaking school even though ESL was available for the unlucky few it was still hard. At that young age feeling like a complete outsider, you would expect companionship and friendship. Wrong, everyday was a horrible, i felt miserable, i hated going to school, do you have any idea how cruel kids can be these days, it amazes me. I eventually made a hand full of friends, im talking one or two. later on in the years. I was always the quiet kid that never talk unless talked to, did his work and kept to himself. I got picked on a lot in middle school, which continued to add to me being distance away from "the circle". In high school, it wasn't so bad i had a lot of friends, but i was always out of the loop. I later looked back and found out why alot of times i was ignored. They where all into partying, heavy drug usage, and drinking etc. not one week would go by that i wouldn't get an offer to do some type of drug, or other stuff that was just not right. I was never that kid, so they never asked me. I am not saying go out and do what bad kids do and get into trouble. You just have to find the right people to hang out with. I would never get invited anywhere, etc. until i met a few friends that where what you considered real friends. It took me awhile to really call these people friends. up to this date i considered them almost as family. I think what you need to do is find your true friends, people that you have stuff in common. For example they like doing the same things as you, open your self up to people. Dont ever think that people dont want to talk to you or anything like that. Believe me, breaking that shyness barrier has helped me a lot. People that I though where complete jerks, turn out to be pretty decent people. And thats how ive met alot of my female counter parts. If i could see my self now, back when i was in grade school i would not recognized myself. im so much confident and open minded.
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