A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Married 13 yrs.he is only guy I ever dated.he is a good provider and a good father.I found he cheated on me while I was pregnant with our 2nd child. He hired escort service in 2010.but i found out after 2 yrs through his email in 2012. We fought, cried and then he convinced me that was a bad phase he went through and that he wasn't into all that anymore and also promised to never do it again.Till today I don't trust him..I question him a lot..he gets frustrated..we fight..then patch up..it's like a roller coaster..some weeks are perfect ..some are horrible. All our family n friends have no clue. Our kids are very young to sense anything. We mostly have cold wars.we don't stop talking or going out for dinners,movies etc.Everyone see us as a happily married couple with all gud things going on for us financially too.But we go without sex for long periods of time like 4-6 wks.I feel he still seeks escorts,massage parlors or maybe strip clubs.There is no way to find out anything for sure.he is very guarded now. He always denies all my accusations.I have started doubting myself lately. I don't know what to do.
View related questions:
cheated on me, escort, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): You gave a one-sentence description of your husband and it reads "He is a good provider and a good father." Translation: you are probably not romantically in love with him.
In light of everything else he is up to, a divorce is long overdue.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2014): If he is still going to escorts, which it seems he is from what you've said, then you need to end your marriage. He is endangering your health and he will never be trustworthy. He will always put himself first. Nothing justifies or explains this behavior and it's probably not going to stop.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2014): What would it take to make you realize you need counseling?
Your marriage may be salvageable; but you are unable to move forward without professional help. You are stuck in the phase of wanting to punish him. You're withholding forgiveness under the guise of everything being okay.
You want to drag out his agony until it makes you feel better. That won't happen. He'll divorce you first. He only has to take so much of it.
You were betrayed. I'm not making light of it. I'm stating the obvious. You can't forgive him. You're holding on for appearances. You're lying to everybody, including yourself.
You're afraid to show vulnerability in your perfect little world. It can happen to anyone. It shouldn't have happened to you, but it did.
See a marriage counselor together. They often help people to get their feelings out. It helps people to heal, and you get the courage to tell him how you really feel. You don't know how to do that; so you need some coaching.
You need someone to mediate while you learn to listen to his truth. Not excuses. Adult-facts are often hard to listen to; unless there is someone neutral to keep things on track. They usually explode into arguments or everyone retreats before both sides are heard. There are two-sides.
Don't hide from the truth. It's why you can't forgive and move forward.
Are you afraid to think somehow his cheating is your fault? Cheating is the cheater's fault. It's up to the cheater to tell their partner if something is wrong.
Provided they are willing to listen to the "truth."
I wish you well. I hope it all works out in the end. If you can't forgive him fully, you must divorce him. Making his life hell, is making your own equally as miserable. You're not being a noble wife by playing a martyr. Punishing him will not undo what he did.
Counseling will help you to determine if it is in you to fully forgive him. Then choosing divorce will be made as a well-considered option, and last resort.
...............................
|
