A
female
age
51-59,
*ockshell
writes:I've been married for 12 years now and been with my husband for 15 years. In the second year of our marriage he cheated and conceived a child with another woman. He is not physically seeing his child but talks to him every now and then. he lives in another state. I try to deal with the fact that this happened years ago but I still hurt from this. I believe it's so difficult for me because our marriage has been so rocky. he has apologized for it but has never showed any remorse for it. Although it was long ago I feel because our marriage been so rocky and he hasn't been treating me right that I just want to leave him. I feel like I can't bare the pain. I feel if he had shown some remorse I could forgive him for it. I just don't know what to do. I was pregnant with his child when this had happened. He also just recently was caught calling a woman from his job, telling her he was thinking about her and on top of that I caught them at he park together, she is also a married woman. Now we have 4 children I don't want to hurt them. I really want out of this marriage but I'm afraid. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): your hb would cheat and cheat and cheat, well, cheating is in his bones, he will not chanage. as hard as it is you need t make a decision. many women who have gone through betrayal actually say that the best thing they did was to leave the cheater. sure, it will be hard, devastating as well, but there comes a time when we must say NO MORE. I think you should have said this years ago.
please take care and make a firm decision and stick by it. in the end it will save you from more heartache and pain.
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (29 November 2009):
 The length of a marriage is meaningless if there's been so much festering resentment. Your partner is an extremely self-centred and arrogant individual by the sound of things. You would be doing the kids a favour by leaving him and giving them an example of standing up for what you know is right rather than sticking around because making the move is too scary. Behaving like a sleazy pig is one thing, but expecting you to forgive and forget when he's too small and spineless to be genuinely remorseful for what he did is the behaviour of a sociopath. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 November 2009):
If you want out, (and by the sounds of it, your husband is already starting on his next affair), then you must get out. It can be even more damaging for children to stay in a house where their parents are arguing, and one is very unhappy. Speak to a good lawyer, and a counsellor, so they can advise you, and leave him. To be honest, I think you should. He doens't sound that great at all.
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