A
male
age
30-35,
*ockshredder
writes:Hello everyone. Please help me. I just need your 10 mins.I need love. It has been 2 months since I was dumped by my girlfriend of 3 years. I live and die everyday. I moved to USA from Pakistan 2 months ago and after 10 days she dumped me. After another 10 days, she showed me her couple picture with one of the guys who kept following her all these 3 years of uni. And one of my friends told me that she is starting a campaign to people to block me from their lists as I am an abusive and low character guy. It kills me to see my mailbox everyday with NO message from her. I tried to be man enough and cut all ties with her that day. No mails, no contact of any kind. She forgot me so early and moved on :'(Feels like my saliva gets stuck in my throat each time I look back. I cant grip myself.I started a job at target to get busy and earn confidence. It is going really well. But I cant shake her off. I loved her so so so much that never in a dream I saw any other girl but her. And now I see my old uni google group in which they are deciding to celebrate the last semester farewell party and she is so so happy in it and participating. Hardly there is a sign from her that she killed me and she is sorry and she wants me back. We had sex, we had kisses, we had fights, we had romance, I embraced her, caressed her, held her books so she never got tired, made her breakfasts for uni. Where did everything go :'(No girl here will look at me. I am so so ugly and unattractive. That is why this happened to me. On my departure she just died and it gave me wonders how attached she is to me. And now it seems like that all was just a dream and one sided.What should I do? Will she ever get the same pain that she gave me? Will that motherf**ker dump her too?I get tired from work and my workout exercise everyday in order to get a peaceful sleep but EVERY NIGHT SHE COMES IN MY DREAMS and kisses me. Sometimes I am running after her in my dreams. I cry and wake up in the middle of the night. I am the guy who used to say "I LOVE YOU" and "I WILL MARRY YOU ONE DAY WHEN I BECOME SOMEONE" every single day and this is what I got. Yeah I admit that I used to curse her too because of her flertious behaviour with every other guy but that was 2% of the whole relation. Never cheated on her, she was my princess, my fairy, my doll. I adored her so much. I used to kiss her hands and feet to adore her beauty. I used to hold her hands for hours after sex. I used to keep telling her how beautiful she was a hundred times even after sex when a guy doesn't even bother to puke on her girlfriend. Is this the reward of so true love. I wish I could have just thrown her memories in the garbage but I cant even do that. I wish I just lose my memory of the last 3 years forever.Please tell me what to do. I just cant move on even after cutting all ties with her.
View related questions:
confidence, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 April 2011):
 In addition to what aunt honesty said, you should take comfort in the fact that you have a good personality and people like you. This will do well for you in the future. It's natural to feel low and down about yourself after a situation like this, but once you realize that the problem was in HER and nothing you did, the better things will get.
I like to blame myself for things like this too, but I'm learning that the truth is that much of what we think we control really has little to do with us. I'm pretty confident you'll get through this, it will just take time.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 She didnt treat you right and even if she told you she loved you back did she show you that she loved you? Actions speak louder than words. She said these things about her now boyfriend maybe she was just saying these things as she was covering up feelings for him? Or else she was cheating on you with him. Either way she is not to be trusted and you need to accept now that it is over and give your self time to heal.
...............................
A
male
reader, rockshredder +, writes (26 April 2011):
rockshredder is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am the guy who posted it. No you stand misunderstood a little here. I was never underconfident. I was the one who used to give her confidence when she was out of it. I used to encourage her on various things. This underconfidence has come now in me eversince she dumped me. I am a very witty guy. People around me never remain unlaughed. Even now.
Secondly, she always responded to my love with "I LOVE YOU TOO" and "YEAH WE WILL MARRY AND WE WILL HAVE 2 KIDS AND FURNITURE WILL BE LIKE THIS ..... ETC ETC"
And the guy she is with now, she used to tell me to make a plan to insult him infront of everyone cause he is a bastard who keeps following her knowing that she has a boyfriend. And she is with the same guy now :)
This is the most hurting part of it that she seemed so serious. This hurts the most. And she never called me handsome. Yet she would call other guys handsome right in my face. Thats why I feel I am not an attractive guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (26 April 2011):
Most people go through heart break and it is not nice to be on the recieving end of it and think that the other person just moved on and didnt care. I am sorry that you had to get hurt but I guess you just need to give yourself time to move on now. Its good that you have cut contact with her but you check your mailbox everyday to see if she has contacted you. This is not good. You need to accept that she has moved on now and wont contact you. If she is spreading lies about you well then she is not worth your attention. You need to accept that she doesnt want you in her life and stop waiting for her to contact you as it is not going to happen.
You say that you got a job to try and raise your confidence but obviously it didnt work because you call yourself ugly and unattractive. If you are going to believe this well then so is everybody else. You need to believe in yourself before anybody else will. Maybe she left you because she wants a guy who is confident and who believes in themselves. You need to learn to love yourself or nobody else will.
As for dreaming about her well she was a big part of your life for three years and dreaming about her is your minds way of remembering her. A healthy thing for you maybe to do is to write down on a piece of paper all the bad things about this girl and the relationship you had with her. Write down every negative thing that happened in the relationship and when you feel yourself thinking about her then look over that piece of paper.
Also go out and make new friends. Hang out with your friends and socialize. Have fun. But most importantly give yourself time. Things heal in time.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (26 April 2011):
She was your everything, but obviously you weren't the same to her. In fact, it sounds like she was taking advantage of you, and using your love. How did she show she loved you back? How did she respond when you told her you wanted to make her your wife?
I see some issues in you, that may have been a driving factory in what pushed her away. Your comment about "when you make something of yourself" is no good. You ARE something. Basically you were telling her you weren't good enough, so why should she think you are if you don't? Also, your comment about being ugly. Looks aren't everything, but the reason women won't give you the time of day has more to do with your lack of confidence and how outwardly depressed you seem.
It can be very difficult dealing with a break up, especially after so long. However you need to give yourself time. You will start to feel better, but it won't happen right away. It's very good that you're working and exercising to better yourself. Hopefully these help build your confidence and character as well as provide a healthy outlet for some of your energy.
Also, while you cut ties, you're still checking on her, and following that google group. You'll probably want to stop that too. Reminders of her are NOT what you need right now. Good luck.
...............................
|
