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I hooked up with my best friend! Only two problems, he is gay, and he has a boyfriend!

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 June 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 June 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

"Joey" and I have been best friends for eight years. When we were younger, I had feelings for him, but about four years ago, when he came out as being gay, I completely moved on with my life. Around that time, Joey started dating his boyfriend "Brock" who had been an openly gay friend of ours for some time. Brock quickly became one of my best friends as well, and the three of us began to bond on a very serious level. Joey and I started to get closer and closer, to the point where Joey, Brock, and I would often sleep in the same bed and regularly say 'I love you' to one another. Recently, however, things have gotten...well, weird. I had just moved near to Joey and Brock, so we were spending much more time together than usual. To make a very long story short, Joey and I hooked up. We were not drunk, nor was a it a game or a joke; rather, it was something we both enjoyed. To my knowledge, Brock does not know. I'm now very confused on a number of levels. On one hand, I was under the impression that Joey was gay and only liked guys. He has said many times that he has absolutely no interest in women. On another hand, Joey does not seem to feel that we have done anything wrong, perhaps because I'm a girl, but I know for a fact that if Brock and his male best friend were to hook up in this way, Joey would be incensed. Also, I feel like I have betrayed Brock's trust, as he is very dear to me as well. Finally, Joey knows how I used to feel about him, yet does not consider the ramifications this could have on my emotional state. I'm sort of under the impression that Joey would like to have a threesome with Brock and I; however, I know that niether Brock nor I would consent, as I'm not interested in Brock in that way, and Brock has no interest in women whatsoever. Nevertheless, things are fine between Joey and me, and though we haven't talked about what happened, nothing is awkward between us. I'm just confused about the whole situation, and I don't know whether I should bring it up with Joey or just let it go. It may never happen again, but it's just a really weird, complicated, love triangle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

View related questions: best friend, drunk, has a boyfriend, threesome

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (30 June 2010):

chigirl agony auntLet me rewrite this to you so you can see the picture more clearly. Your best friend cheated on his boyfriend. With you. You are now his lover on the side. Your friend is not so much a friend as he is someone who used your body. If he is even gay I am not sure, but it has little or nothing to do with it. He doesn't consider it cheating. But you do. And his boyfriend will.

If you were loyal as a friend you should not have had sex with him. Friends don't have sex with each other. That is for another type of relationship. You have become his lover, no longer just a friend. And you are not a friend of Brock.

These people are no longer your friends. And Joey is a cheat. Sorry to lay it out that harsh, but what did you expect? You aren't even in love with Joey, and he is not in love with you. This is not a "love triangle". This is about you getting used for sex and not wanting to loose your friends over it. But it is too late for that. Once Brock finds out he might very well dump Joey over this. And wouldn't be too happy staying friends with you either.

Or you could join Joey in living a lie and believing this is not cheating...

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