A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Years ago my parents were short on money and i helped them out and paid £500 for washing machine and dishwasher and various things from amazon over the years cds, computer games, chargers, food hampers, hair accessories, food vouchers lots of things! Later on they told me that they have been giving hundreds of pounds to my lazy brother for a flat which he gave up and left them in debt with to pay the whole lot months of rents and bills.this year I'm struggling a bit with money living away from home for 23 years and never asked them for a penny and i thought i would ask for they're help as i need some right now. when i asked they said why do you expect money back after all these years ! i couldnt believe they didnt want to help me and they started to say i gave my money away to strangers! wtf! i never gave money to anyone but them which i explained and i thought they might be kind enough to help me in return when i needed it especially as they gave my brother lots in the past! I am just in total shock. I am in disbelief that they could be so cruel and selfish. they dont even come to visit me. i have to go home to visit them and last time that cost £120 for one journey there on the train. they never visit me either and they have a car just once in 23 years!I just cant believe my family who i have helped can be so horrible im just disgusted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2021): Stop being there for them. People can only take you for granted if you allow them to. Don't visit. It's a waste of time, humiliating, unfair and makes them feel superior. When you go all the way there at vast time and expense it makes them feel they can crack the whip. They say jump and you ask how high! Now you are an adult act like one. Do things if they benefit you, are fair on you, honest and reasonable and say no to anything else - whether it be from family, lovers or so called close friends.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2021): OP- The thing is when I went to visit I accidentally overhead them talking about how they have alot of money and don't know what to do with it! So now I feel like they don't like me or care about me at all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2021): My heart goes out to you. People have short memories when money is involved. Well, I guess the time will come again when they might need you, and it will be hard to face you.
If you give people money, limit it to amounts you can afford to give-up without expecting it back. If you give very generously, and you're helping family; you have to realize they wouldn't be asking for help, if they had the money to begin with. So don't be shocked when you ask for help and they can't! You are assuming they're broke from helping your brother, but they may be poor at managing money period.
If you had to help them several times, isn't that an indication they're financially-strapped?
You make this seem as though you're surprised; but you had to realize what your family is like. You've known them all your life; and even mentioned they help your brother. I was taught to give without expecting anything back. I consider how serious the matter is, before giving people money. I sometimes carry small amounts of cash to give to the homeless when I can; knowing my reward comes from heaven. They can't pay me back. Who knows? I might be homeless myself someday!
There's nothing you can really do but say "no" the next time they come asking. If it's not too serious. Follow your conscience on that.
If your cash-shortage is covid-related, try to make scheduled payment-arrangements with your utility companies and creditors; or seek covid-relief wherever assistance programs are offered. If your family isn't well-to-do, you know better than to expect a lot of help. They had to come to you! You also could have said "no!"
They brought-up nonsense as an excuse not to help you, and they're probably tapped-out from financially-supporting your brother. I guess he beat you to it! They didn't have to accuse you of giving-away money to strangers; unless they mean the homeless, or charity. I think it was just their way of making you feel bad for asking; so they won't feel bad for not helping.
When you're helping your parents, don't forget they took care of you when you were too young to support yourself. Helping them is not the same as giving money to friends or strangers.
Pray for help from above. God waits to hear from us in times like these. He prefers to hear from us all the time, not just when we need something, like your family has treated you. Sometimes your local churches offer small amounts to help when your situation is dire.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2021): Sorry to say you are not the golden child.You are like me.You help everyone and then it is their turn to help....crickets.That is when you see who your real family are.Stop wasting money visiting them...they do not care...they only care for your money.Let us see how good golden child takes care of them when they are old. Don't you do it.Get good friends who can be your family.Sometimes it is good to cut them off...less stress.Our golden child thinks he is sooo rich that we are beneath him. ha ha ha joke is on him ....we are worth way more and we give away a lot to help people but will never give to the golden child who got his gold years ago.lol.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 November 2021):
 I'm so sorry,
I think they were always selfish, you just didn't see it up close.
My guess is they really can't afford to help you. But instead of telling you that, they create this drama.
Also, if you HAD given money away to strangers, so what? The money was yours!
I guess you can now save all money you do earn for yourself and for a rainy day. And stop going for visits.
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