A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have unfounded fears that my boyfriend would get back together with his ex if she wanted. They only talk via facebook message every few months, conversation seems innocent. Hi how are you kind of stuff. He does look at her page on facebook frequently enough, she had a young child that he was like father to. Said once that is what messed him up most. Here are my paranoid thinkings:1. He once said to me (coz I asked probably): "she was the one that got away... Until I met you" I only believe the first part!2. He believes that getting back together with an ex never ever works, but seemed very interested in hearing about how my friend and her ex worked things out successfully.3. He looks at her facebook page too often. I'm hoping this is residual resentment towards her because she treated him terribly. But I'm worried it's because he still loves her.4. He says it's not good for me to know everything about his exes so he won't tell me stuff, it will fuel my insecurities but I get paranoid that it's because he's trying to hide the truth! For example the last time he met her was a couple of years ago - he went to her house. I asked him why? Did he try to work things out to which he said no, none of your business...He says he'd tell me everything but I can't handle it!! I tend to agreeOn a good note,we have been together a year. he often says he loves me and is affectionate. We live together, he says I'm special, we talk about the future together and with marriage and babies. He broke up with that particular ex over 2 and 1/2 yrs ago, i guess if he wanted her back he would have gone after her since he is that type of person. He also invited me to his parents house followed by a neighbourhood party after at which this ex might be at.... That's a good sign?I know I sound crazy and pathetic, I have many trust issues and slightly hyper vigilant - it's tiring and stressful being this way :-(
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male
reader, Stoney1215  +, writes (5 October 2013):
So you are worried that your bf will get back with his ex if she asks. Are you worried he might get with someone new if she asks ? Why worry about something you have no control over ? Why worry if someone who no longer wants to be with you stops being with you ? Do you want to be with a guy who does not want to be with you ? Most importantly if you ask him about his past and his answer is you cant handle it he is definitely hiding something
A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (5 October 2013):
 I think your boyfriend checks his ex's status because he bonded with her child and wants to see their progress.
He doesnt want to talk about ex's with you because he knows it may create discomfort. Whats in the past is in the past.
It doesn't appear that he wants his ex back. If he did he would have done it already. But he's living with you, tells you he loves you and seems happy.
Its really important to focus on the good qualities about your boyfriend, trust and make your own lifetime memories together.Otherwise, this constant doubting will drive you crazy.
Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 October 2013):
 I think I believe him. He is serious about you. People never forget bad break ups. Though his chances of getting back with her are slim, the percentage is not zero. This is what you have a problem with. The best way to deal with this is actually to accept that would happen but in the end you would be fine. You choose to find his ex to worry about but the truth is that other things (compatibility, finances, infidelity, life stress) can shake or break a relationship as well and you just can't spend your life worrying about the unknown. A relationship starts when you accept whatever outcome and just tell yourself you will do your best at every step. Without surrendering you will always struggle.
He's speaking the truth about not telling stories about exes. It does not help things but just put images in your head.
Looking at exes' facebook does not have to mean love. It's one's habit to be looking back at life and see progress. The curiosity of how your used to be significant other is doing does not have to go away.
I don't suggest you to go to that party where his ex would be there. His inviting you had already shown that he's serious about you. Do see his parents though. After you make that step you might feel more committed to him.
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