A
female
age
30-35,
*icole_007
writes:My boyfriend and I seem to always get along and spend a lot of time with each other. Last night out of the blue he told me that he loved me and didn't want to break up with me, but lately he had something on his mind. He was worried because we hardly agree on anything. This is fine for now, but he said looking into the future he could see us getting married and fighting over major events in life. I assured him that marriage is about love and compromise. I know that I am spoiled and we do disagree over things....I have alot of growing up to do. How do you go from a spoiled child to acting like a responsible adult? I know this is a hard question but I need to know how to handle situations better. Please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (24 January 2008):
 Great relationships are built on compromise. You've heard the old saying, "learn to pick your battles"...you should look at some of the arguments you and your b/f have and decide if you can just give in (let him win) a few in the future. There are some that may matter to you, and some that may be of lesser value. If you let him have his way part of the time, you will seem more liek an adult in his mind. Also, never be afraid to admit when you're wrong. This is a common thing people do when they're in their 20's. They fall into the habit of blaming someone else for the outcome of a situation or problem, without owning up to their role in it. My b/f still does this and he's 40! The other day, we were loading the car with our luggage, and my b/f has a bad habit of leaving the keys on the seat, or in the floorboard, anywhere but in his pocket where they belong -- when the bags were all loaded, I hit the lock on the door and slammed it shut. Bingo! The keys were inside! If I've told him once, I've told him 100 times, when you unlock the vehicle, and we have things to load or unload (like groceries) stick the keys in your pocket, that way when we're done we don't have to wonder where the keys are and go searching all over the vehicle for them. But naturally, it was all my fault because I was the one who shut the door. If you or your b/f are guilty of playing the blame game, break this habit now. Don't be afraid to admit when you've screwed up. Just learn from it and move on. I wish you guys the best.
A
female
reader, nicole_007 +, writes (23 January 2008):
nicole_007 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you both for your advice. It really did help alot! I am planning on moving out of my parent's house when I graduate college and get a job, which should be within the next 1 1/2 years. I am trying to learn to look at both sides of the argument and understand where my boyfriend is coming from... Yes, we were both raised differently. I got what I wanted and my mom made the decisions in the family. His dad makes the major decisions and he's always had to have a job to pay for what he wants.... I know when I get out into the 'real world' I will grow up fast, but I just hope I can find some way to handle my 'I'm right and youre wrong' way of thinking.
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (22 January 2008):
The best thing you can do for yourself is to move out of your parents house (if you haven't already) get your own apartment, get a job (okay, get the job first) pay your bills on time, don't ask for help from Mom & Dad, don't ask your b/f to float you money when you want to buy a new outfit, you may just have to eat at home more often than going out and this will show your b/f that you are moving forward as an adult.
You never want to go from being someone's daughter, to being someone's wife without having some time on your own. Trust me on this one! If you and your b/f are fighting alot, some of it could be coming from your spoiled nature but you may both have different values based on how each of you were raised. My b/f and I have these battles all the time. And it can really get in the way of an otherwise harmonious relationship. My parents were very laid back. They gave me alot of freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. They were very loving in front of us kids. My dad never made a decision without consulting my Mom first. He always saw her to be very smart and intuitive about things, so they made decisions together. My b/f on the other hand, came from an entirely different background. His dad was a tyrant. He ruled with an iron fist. You didn't question him. His word was final. Since my parents were always a team, and he grew up under a dictatorship (so to speak) we clash alot in our relationship because I get mad when he doesn't value my opinion on decisions or ask for it. I feel like he's treating me like I'm stupid - when in reality, he's used to the man doing all the thinking. See how complicated this can be? Your values and your backgrounds can cause many fights when it comes to big decisions, issues and problem-solving. These are things you learn to recognize as you become an adult. It doesn't mean it can't work out, it just means you're both going to have to be willing to strap on the army boots and dig in. Though I will admit, if your backgrounds are too diverse, it may simply not work out in the long run. Since I don't know what your fights are about, I can't say for sure if this is a contributing factor. Stand on your own, and hopefully the other things will iron themselves out. I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
You have already started handling situations better by this post love, To realise a fault in oneself and want to change that is an incredible achievement, Some people never realise, You are much wiser than you think.
To act resposible even adults dont do all the time, We can only do our very best in life and I only realised this when my own children came along, And even then Id wake up with a huge hangover and just want to crawl back under the covers LOL...
Sweetheart the situations that you need to no how to handle better are you meaning the arguments and disagreements you two are having? I have found that after an argument I think very hard as to what started it how the situation led up to it and then realise its a force of nature. Me woman you man there are things that I may feel that makes no sense to my fiance then I may get frustrated and in the end I say lets leave it so we can both think, And after we have both had our thinking space we become more understanding of the other, You seem to be going in that direction or you wouldnt be asking for help.
You have said how do I go from being a spoilt child, Well you can see this so its not something that can never be fixed you understand it so you must have alot of depth to write in and admit to it, Hunny your half way there, As life goes on you learn more, Its more satisfying to make another person happy as when you see them smile it makes you happy this is all part of growing up and walking lifes learning path. I hope this helped hunny if you want to chat more please feel free to message me TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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