A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm a 21 year old girl who's never had a boyfriend or even gone on a date. I have also never been physically close to a boy. No hand-holding, kissing, let alone sex.The reason I started with this is because I feel like it literally defines me. Sometimes it's all I can think about- the fact I am still single when all of my friends seem to get in and out of relationships so easily- and it depresses me. Sometimes I just feel like crying and I know this might sound like I'm overreacting but I feel like I will never meet anyone who will like me *that* way.I have really, really low self-esteem and I'm trying to work on it but it's not really going anywhere. I hate my body; I feel especially self conscious over the fact I am quite skinny with no boobs and the fact I have to wear glasses (I can't wear contact lenses).. I've been trying to dress up a little bit more, change my hair and things like that but in the end I always feel like it'll never be enough because I'm just not feminine or attractive enough for guys. It's really bringing me down lately. I used to think that I was fine on my own and I wasn't unhappy over the fact that I'm still single, but lately I just feel lonely and like I need someone or something in my life that's missing. :( If someone could give me any advice on how to improve my self esteem or how to meet guys (I'm at university but I don't like to go out and drink; I'm more the shy type who likes to read and watch films) I'd really appreciate it xx
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boobs, kissing, never had a boyfriend, self esteem, shy, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Aspie +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Thanks for coming back with the 'feedback'. What you said sort of cheered me up in a way, too.I'm glad that you "really liked the idea of grabbing a book and reading outside or near to the library sometime" :-)To further add some of my thoughts on the original question...Surely everyone has their own tastes when it comes to the opposite sex. I recall a time back when I was in education, it was at college I believe. I fancied/had a crush on this girl who nearly everyone else described as looking like a fish - but I didn't think so and their comments didn't change my opinion of or liking of her one bit! So, whilst one person may think of someone as unattractive, another person may think completely different and find them very attractive! But it still isn't all about looks - personality and other factors matter to some people too.xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much everyone for the answers. I only found this forum a couple of days ago and after reading the sort of positive feedback most people on here got, I decided to give it a go as well and I'm glad I did :) Next time I feel really down about myself, I'll make sure to read through all of your answers because as silly as it sounds, the fact actual guys gave me this feedback really helps. Like, I don't really have any male friends to talk to about this kind of thing but sometimes you do need a male perspective on the matter. (Or at least I do. I don't know if that makes any sense!)I really liked the idea of grabbing a book and reading outside or near to the library sometime, thank you :) The same goes for the idea of joining a gym, perhaps it would make it easier for me to feel better about myself. I appreciate the time you all took to reply to this, I really do! XX
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A
male
reader, Rowdy  +, writes (27 June 2012):
First of all, you are very well spoken. I feel as if you are a very intelligent lady, and that is attractive.Secondly, you know yourself very well, better than most people do. I know you have low self-esteem, but trust me, there is value in understanding yourself. Understanding how you feel about yourself, understanding that you would like a significant other, understanding you don't want to stand up alone.And thirdly, you sound really sweet. Not an extravert, but a thoughtful introvert. Own that, own who you are.You are a brilliant, introspective, girl, and you know that, but you're hurt and so you believe something is bad. Nothing is bad. I promise, when you become happy with yourself, and you accept just how amazing you are, guys will begin to see you the same way.Love will come when you have learned to love. So love yourself :D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): Hey, you, cheer up, now! :-)You sound like you're a very sensible young person when it comes to love/romance/relationships/sex/etc., unlike so many other young people out there of a similar age to you who go out, get drunk without any real purpose but to get drunk, sleep around, get pregnant or get STIs/STDs, and all sorts of other often silly shenanigans. The fact that you aren't like this is, I'd say, a positive quality about you!You are still quite young, so you've got years ahead of you to find someone to perhaps spend the rest of your life with.And, anyway, it's not all about looks. Personality, at-least to me, matters too!You say that you're at university - there is surely bound to be someone around on campus(?) that you may find you like, want to get to know more, and perhaps start dating. Sounds like the library may be the place for this. Perhaps, assuming you can, you could hire an interesting book and go sit outside somewhere reading it. A guy may spot you there reading and take a liking to you, and the book would certainly help to break the ice as it could be a conversation piece.And there is nothing wrong at all with wearing glasses - I'm a guy only a few years older than you who wears glasses and I've always found pairs that suit me, and in-fact, *goes to check in mirror*, I actually think I look a bit better wearing glasses than not.Hope this helps, at least initially, and feel free to reply to this if you'd like me to at least try to help or advise further.xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2012): Time to chill out a bit... I was 22 before i lost my virginity. Sex just didnt really interest me and i had some self esteem issues. In the following years i got with very attractive women..... so being a late bloomer does not define you. It really is all about the way you view yourself, after all who wants to be with somebody who thinks they are worthless? Not every man likes big boobs, and some women would love to be skinny! So there is nothing wrong there. Exercise can be a good way to increase your confidence and feel better about yourself. Maybe join a local running club or gym.... also a good way to widen your social circle. Glasses dont make somebody unattractive. Maybe spend some money on some fashion type ones to update your look a bit. Above all, gain in confidence through joining clubs/groups/gym, then you will find its like a snowball effect. When you feel better about yourself, your body language improves and people notice you more.
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