A
male
age
30-35,
*ustfriends
writes:I got to move on in my life and have because I have a date with this other girl but I still think about this girl I have a crush on. what are some things I can do to get over the first girl, I don't want to lose sleep over her and think about her but I want to stay friends. Can I still invite the first girl to do things if she does not have a boyfriend at the moment. or would she be freaked out by that. Also this explains my problem I am tall ish 6'3 and every athletic lift weights, football and Row but I have red hair and I am really thinking thats why I have never gotten girls I am attracted to to date me. Where I am from if you don't have the blonde or brown lacrosse flow or the surfer tan you are a nobody and I can't stand it anymore. I have really thought about changing myself to fit these types and thats wrong I know.
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male
reader, justfriends +, writes (21 July 2010):
justfriends is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just wanted to thank you for the time everyone has spent on these answers to the first answer I have not yet gone on this date with the other girl. I still have strong feelings for the first girl and the only reason I said I was going on this other date was because the first girl said I only like you as a friend.
The second post thank you as well this could sound good or bad I guess but from my stand point I respect this girl to much to have sexual relations with right now. But I hope she will maybe hang out with me sometime to go out to eat or just sit and talk.
A
female
reader, Squeaky  +, writes (21 July 2010):
Firstly don't change. Anyone you have to feeel the need to change for is set to be a disaster. Be yourself not what others think you ought to be. Does this girl you have a crush on like you? If so why date a 2nd girl? If not let her go!The 2nd girl obviously likes you height, your red hair,your atheletic sports! Whats wrong with that. Don't care so much on looks because they aren't going to help you find someone truely caring. You won't get over the true you to a girl if you have to do the things you don't like just to get them. Different is good. Look for like minded people, someone you can have a talk and laugh with about the things you both enjoy!
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A
male
reader, jp21 +, writes (21 July 2010):
 would you look good dirty-blond? maybe you should change your hair color profeshonally of course. dont wash your hair the day before if you do change your hair color.I actually trim my eye brows to look better, and pluck them too. but you could have them prfeshonally down at a hair salon with wax. better then plucking though. im not saying take off a lot just a lil bit. a little bit could increase your looks by 10%. lots of guys do that though and no one one nows.the girls. the girl your going to go out with will help you get over the other girl bec.. when you spend time her your focus will be on her. do fun things like hmm, movies, a scary movies to get close to her, or a funny movie for a good laugh together. swimming is always fun/ summer time, ice cream or a cold moca @ a coffee shop. arcade golf with another couple going on a date, bumper cars all fun things to do. spending more time with her will help. having a 3ed wheel may hinder your dates and your rel-ship later. I would still be friends just at school though. eat with her and hopefully soon to be girl your dating. first few dates can make a rel-ship or brake it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 You are 16-17. That is the sole reason for your troubles. I am honest with you now. You might think it is about looks but it is not. At that age everything is down to personality and chance. You could be lucky and you could be un-lucky. The selection and maturity of other teens your age is slim. There are not many guys or girls to choose from, everyone are still developing and don't know exactly what they like, girls like one guy one week and another the next, and no one knows exactly what they want.
Just look at yourself, you have a crush on one girl, yet dating another. If you were serious about that first girl, you wouldn't date others. This is not meant to tell you what you should do. I'm just saying, all your girl-problems at this stage is because of the age you guys are in. Not your looks. Maybe even buying a new pair of cool shoes will give you all the girls you want, it is just so random who girls like at that age.
So for now, don't worry too much about it.
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A
female
reader, SarahRussell +, writes (21 July 2010):
 By saying can you invite the girl to do things, do you mean in general or sexually? Because it sexually then its DEFINATLY a no-go, but otherwise, inviting her out to lunch, or a coffee, theres nothing wrong with that. Whether she has a boyfriend or not, there is nothing wrong with treating her like a friend.
As for what to do, there will probably be a few nights where you might lose sleep (because well, who doesnt!), but if your so worried about liking this girl you hae a crush on, just tell her? Give her the option of saying you like her, but you would be happy with just having her as a friend.
We all surcumb to peer pressure, so it must be hard to live in a area where everyone else doesnt look the same as you. But embrace it! As a girl, i must say us girls would be more attracted to a boy that stands out from the crowd and doesnt care what other people think, rather than a guy who looks like everyone else.
I wouldnt change your red hair! If you feel low about it, take a trip to the hairdressers and get a different style. It would make you feel better, and by making you feel good, your appearance will shine through as well.
If you want to meet girls, why dont you join a club or do something with other people in it? If your atheletic, you could join a few of these, which will have girls there, so you could find a common interest.
Good luck!
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