A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am in a relationship of two years with a man who I get on really well with. We never argue, laugh alot together, and the sexual chemistry is strong. He is 12 years older than me and has two grown up children (16 and 20). He just recently got divorced after splitting up with his wife a few months before we got together. He also had a vasectomy six years ago. When I first met him, I wanted nothing more than to marry him and have his children, but I have come to realise that no matter how much he means to me, I cannot come to terms with the fact that he has children or that he says he is 'willing' to have a vasectomy reversal for me but never acts like he would 'love' to have kids with me. He is very close to them and sees them three times a week, but I always avoid seeing him on those days because, although they are really great kids, I just don't feel comfortable around them. I think this is because I am 32 and have no kids of my own as yet. I have since ended the relationship and he wants to try again. Am I making the right decision to break? I feel like my heart is telling me to stay but my head it telling me to move on and find someone with less baggage (for want of a better word). What if I never meet anyone like him again? I know this is a long one but any advice would be welcomed. X
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (2 September 2007):
 Whats more important to you? Having children or him? You probably need some more time to think.Your 32 years old so if you were to meet another man then you would have to expect some baggage.A man in his 30's is either going to have a child or two or an ex wife or partner,the odds are against you. Now if you really loved this man then you would be with him but as you are questioning your future with him then your having second thoughts about your relationship.If children are the top of your priority list then he's not the man for you,but give yourself more time to think but not too long otherwise your fella might get snatched up with someone else....good luck.
A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (1 September 2007):
 I would take a good long look at what you really want here.
Do you want him or don't you? If you do you will do whatever it takes to keep him, kids or no. Also at at the age the kids are they will be out on there own before you know it and they will be out of the picture anyway.
If the kids are that big a problem maybe you don't love him as much as you think you do and should leave anyway.
These are things you will have to examine and decide on yourself.
In any case I hope things work out well for the both of you. Doc.
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A
male
reader, Escalaya +, writes (1 September 2007):
 I know it's hard to accept the children of your partner's ex. It's like a reminder that he was in the same position before. But, if you truly care for him, his children shouldn't be that big of a problem, you just have to press forward, get to know them, don't avoid him, or them. that just furthers that uncomfortable feeling. Try going out with all 3 of them, like to a movie, or maybe shopping. Just something you would do, and be yourself.
Sometimes, it's better to listen to your heart. Your head will indeed give you the best answer, but the answer your heart gives you might make you a lot happier.
Best of luck, take care.
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