A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to a lovely girl for 4 years and blessed with 2 beautiful children.A few weeks ago my firm sent me away on training course for 3 weeks.There I met a female colleague .It started as good buddies enjoying the course and work envolved but tnen we started flirting at night over afew drinks.In the second week of the course She said she wanted to sleep with me as she had very strong feelings for me.she knew I was married and she was single.I made it quite clear from the start I had a wife and family Its then I came to my senses and realised that this had gone far enough.I detatched myself from her for the rest of the course.When I got home my lovely wife and children were there to greet me and tell me how much they missed me. I felt so bad for betraying my wife .I tried to put it behind me but it just wouldnt go away so in the end I had tell my wife what had happened .She was devastated and hasnt stopped crying .I have offered to do whatever she wants going for counselling etc.My wife would never have found out about this so that wasnt the reason I told her.I cannot believe I could have betrayed her like this. My only answer to this I was flattered by another woman.I have never strayed before and I can assure me I will never again.and I have told my wife this.What else can I do?I am heartbroken for the pain I have caused my wife and family.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): thanks, your answer was posted after my question. i agree it was a betrayal. most people view only having full blown sex as a betrayal but i am glad you have taken ownership of your wrong doing. your wife is naturally hurt over this. she perhaps worries that you may do the the same and even more when you go on another training. you need to re assure her that thiswill not happen again.
i think in time she may forgive you but she will not forget. kissing and feeling someone up indicates sexual desires and she knows that you felt good while doing this with the other woman. she also suspects whether you are thinking of this person. it is early days yet but her pain will continue. trying to reason with her may not help but may only make her more angry.
her trust needs to be earned again. how, i honestly don't know.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): To anonymous female See my answer to starfish As far as I am concerned kissing and snoggging a woman behinds your wifes back is a betrayel of trust .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): hi, you talk about betrayal so am i right in assuming that you had sex with this woman. plse confirm.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): I am the man in question that has written in and no Starfish I didnt sleep with the woman. As I said I came to my senses in time .I couldnt have done that to my wife .I went further than I shoud but sleeping with her was out of the question
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): As stupid as it may sound, I am really proud of you.
Not only did you pass up on an opportunity for frisky, exciting sex that your wife would never have found out about-believe me, many men wouldnt turn down such an offer, despite how much they 'love' their wife.But you also had the balls to come home and tell her straight, to her face, in (what I can gather) a very understanding manner.
I salute you. Really I do. Your wife should be god damn proud of you for being able to say no AND come clean to her about it.
Life will ALWAYS throw in temptations-there are plenty of beautiful humans out there that want to do what is natural (sex)but it is the resistance against succombing (if thats spelt right?????) to such a temptation that makes you special.
You are how, I think, every man should be like (balls and loyalty). You are a prime example to all men sir. Well done for being a great husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): Gosh, how sad for your family. I certainly can understand her pain and it seems you do, as well. Because when two people have that amazing love that you describe for you wife, neither ever forget who they are married to, no matter the temptations. So of course your wife is hurt, she's thinking....if you had truly loved her, you couldn't have done this. Your wife now knows, that you are weakened by desire and that your subconscious sexual need can or will make a sexual opportunity seem too good to pass up. And she can't be watching you every move, can she! The trust must be greatly damaged, here.
As you stated, ego and flattery was your motivation, but I have a hard time understanding why the solidarity of family, love, committment didn't kick in long before, even the flirting started. I think you are asking the same question to yourself. The marriage you have and continue to desire, is the opposite of what you did. So it's hard for your wife to understand why you would do this. So what do you do? Your wife is grieving..she's devastated and she needs time. If your wife will not go to marriage counseling with you, I want to advise you to go on your own. You need to explore this 'ego' issues with the counselor, as well. Trust can be re-established here, but it will happen in baby steps. I don't care what it takes but you need to gain her trust back again. It could be a long process, a lot of tears, a ton of talking from the heart and communicating honestly. And I don't need to say this but I will. From now on when a woman decides to flirt with you....just drop the ego massage and work hard to always, remember the love, committment and devotion of what you have at home. Your wife and family. I wish you both well and good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): ok you missed the important line in your post. you didnt say anything actually happened... i assume it did.
it could be worse... there was a guy on here who had an affir and got the other owman pregnant - i will find it.
he is back with his wife and in counselling.
if you were to be married forever, 1 night should not be the end of the world.
but you have broken trust. she will be with every right be upset. You have a lot of penance to make. if she says move out - you go, etc.
let her tell you whats needed.if its space let her have it.
Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): Your post has touched me deeply! I can tell you are truly remorseful. It me step back and look at situations in my own life. And the sadness that infidelity can bring to a marriage. We are only human and sometimes our emotions and desires take over our conscience.
I am sad for you, I am extremely sad for your wife, and I am sad for the other woman. No one envolved came out of this without pain.
Your wife will forgive you, because she loves you. I am confident of that! Let her feel her pain. Let her process it and deal with it. She may never forget, but she will forgive.
I wish you and your wife many years of true happiness!
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