A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I'm a 17 year old guy and have been chatting with a 41 year old woman via a dating site for a month or 2... We have recently swapped mobile numbers and we have started chatting regularly on MSN about causal day to day things...I really find her attractive and am starting to like her... although we havn't met up yet... and are still deciding on when we should.She keeps refering to me being a youngen and her a olden... I really don't know how to take it.What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): I don't agree that meeting with this person or having sex with her would somehow violate your "integrity," as has been suggested. Integrity is your personal standard and as such, is highly subjective -- if you are considering an action that goes against your better judgement in saner moments, then do your best to avoid it now! Otherwise, I wish you the best of luck.
Also, don't worry about handling the "issues of a grown woman" -- if she's grown, she can handle her own issues. Presumably she's just interested in sex, so that's as far as you need to take it. I don't mean to sound cold, but DO NOT get emotionally involved (even if she wants you to be just that).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): These replies are stoopid! Age difference doesn't matter. Just meet her! If you both like each other, great! You really don't have to worry about getting "kidnapped". Just meet for coffee.Everyone should try a relationship with someone older or younger than them. You learn SOOOO much. And it's fun!When I was 18 I had a connection with a 41yo, now i'm 38 and just had a relationship with a 17yo. People are people. You get along or you don't, there's nothing else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): If you want cheap thrills and dirty sex with an experienced but clearly desperate older woman then carry right on. However, realise that once you've done this and been used you will live with the 'experience' and being easily lured online demonstrates to me your vulnerability. You will currently be aware of the risks both to your health, your emotion and your integrity? I think you are both living a fantasy - and I would personally keep it at that or cut her out your life. I think you're getting addicted to the attention.
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A
female
reader, sofymp  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 i agree with that person who said that the difference is huge. Run away! there are so many girls of your age and a 41 year old woman doesn't have the same thougts as a 17 year old boy. You must enjoy your teenager life and have fun with your friends. Meet people of your age or not 30 years older than you! I think that your parents would kill you! But i don't know... you are the only one who knows.
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (9 September 2007):
 Well 19 year old guys hook up with 40 year old women at bars all the time, so its not really that big a deal imo.
But as far as having a serious elationship, I think alot of people would really frown on that.
I'm 17 and if I started dating a 41 year old woman I know my family and friends would think I'm off my rocker.
But
if I were you though man I'd go for it.
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A
female
reader, AylaJ  +, writes (9 September 2007):
The age difference is HUGE. You're still really young, do you still live with your family? If so, they might not approve and you can get yourself in serious trouble with them. Plus, why would someone that old have romantic interests for someone so young? She might have a ton of baggage and reasons why she is still single. At 17 do you think you can handle the issues of a grown woman? I know I wouldn't have been able to just as a friend at your age. Stay safe and think rationally about the situation.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (9 September 2007):
 well i guess if your really ok with this and she knows your age and yyour both open about it (age etc)
I guess its ok to go with it.
Just if you do meet up be careful do it in public and make sure you know what you are doing.
Maybe talk on webcam first.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): I think there is something wrong with a 41 year old wanting to meet up with a 17 year old who they met on the internet - seriously, what on earth is she playing at? Bitterblue is right to advise you to be cautious. Try to step outside of the situation and take a good long look at things - if you had a son of 17, what would you advise him to do? Best of luck XX
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): I don't see anything terrible about it. It seems to be a common fantasy among young boys to have sex with older women. My ex bf (who is 35) said that when he was young (maybe 19, 20?) somewhere around there, he "dated" an older woman (maybe 30', 40's?) I don't know. I mean it wasn't so much dating as it was SEX. All sex. I think that is all they did for the month or so that they "dated."
Older women love younger guys. And I am sure that they can teach you alot about sex. Which is actually a good thing and your gf's will appreciate it in the future. Just wear a condom and be careful that she isn't married. And DON'T get her pregnant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): Dating site. Take care, the risks of the Internet not only apply to girls. Don't say to yourself "I'm a boy, nothing wrong can happen." There've been cases when the boy was robbed at the blind date with a whole scenario going on organised by an entire band and she supposedly didn't have a clue, and that's just the minimum! Plus, the age difference is generally too much for you two to be more than friends so don't phantasize over it too much. And meet in a public place, almighty. Don't underestimate the situation. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (9 September 2007):
 Well the age difference must be on her mind which is probably where the 'youngen' 'olden' thing comes from. I think to be honest the best thing is to just go with the flow and see what happens and do what feels comfortable and right and if that is meeting then go for it.
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