A
male
age
36-40,
*ustin587
writes:Since I became an adult about 3 years ago, I have attempted time and time again to be more normal (enjoying going places, dating, hanging out with friends, etc). For some odd reason, these things are quite difficult for me.I have tried to alleviate my awkwardness by doing a few things I maybe should not have - losing my virginity to a friend just because I wanted to see what was so special is an example. Thought it would maybe enlighten me in some way since most guys brag about it all the time...I would have rather just went to sleep. Sex is a big part of relationships for many people - what's the point of having a relationship if one key part doesn't appeal to you?A lot of my friends and family aggravate me about being single, being quiet, and being rather shy (some people have jokingly said an easy way to identify me is that I am always facing down).What can I do to help solve this issue of mine? I have thought about going to a psychiatrist, but I don't want to take 5 pills a day to solve my issues :(. I have known several people that take anti-depressants - they just sleep all the time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): I think that there are many people who feel like this, and I just think that you haven't yet found something that really makes you tick. I would suggest joining clubs and things but going from being by yourself all the time to suddenly being on a team may be difficult. But just try and find something that you enjoy doing and find other people who enjoy it too, who you can relate to and talk to.
There's a possibility that this could turn into some sort of depression, and i think that seeing a psychiatrist wouldn't be a bad idea, and it's your choice to see them so should be your choice whether you take pills or not.
And I know that sex plays quite a big part in a relationship, but that's not all there is to it. I think that the most important bit of a relationship is being with someone that you really care about and that you can relate to and talk to about anything and just be happy to be with them and trust them with anything.
I think that it's good that you make the effort to go out on dates and with friends even though you don't want to, because if you stopped doing these things it would have a big impact and things may get worse.
Feel free to private mail me if you want to chat or anything. Good luck :) !
xx Hope xx
A
male
reader, B-NaneR  +, writes (26 May 2008):
 dude, seriously, I was in the same situation as you. I was always very very shy. I was always afraid to do anything or talk to anybody. Also, sex never really appealed to me either. But I have overcome all those things because of my girlfriend (now) I have just opened up to everything now and now I speak my mind and do whatever I feel like doing.
Dont go losing your virginity because people say that sex is the cool thing to do haha thats just crazy. You lose your virginity when you are ready. What you dont know is that sex isnt a big part of a ralationship really. It really depends on the person and the relationship, for me its not. Its more of a bonus in a relationship, it brings us a bit closer together. the main part is trust. Being open is key. Think about how many relationships work from just focusing on sex, they usually end with someone cheating on the other. Seriously, I could go without sex, I really dont need it. as dumb it may sound to some people, I dont need it, however nice it is, i dont need it. I just want someone to be there for me, and to be there for someone, to be trusted and loved. There is no better feeling than to know that your are trusted and loved.
Dont listen to the stupid things that people say, although some might not really mean it, there just bugging ya. Dont take anything to heart.
Dude dont waste your money on a psychiatrist or dont get anti-depressants thats just a bad idea. Everybody goes through depression and you just have to know that there are people that really care about you. You will get everything straightened out, dont worry.
What I am saying is that you will probably get out of the shyness without really doing anything, you just cant be afraid to open yourself up. I know it is very hard, from going through it myself but you just have to let yourself go and be yourself.
you only live once dude, make it worth while.
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