A
male
age
41-50,
*d1337
writes:Since I broke up with my ex back in December, i've changed as a person and I could do with some advice. I got really close to my ex and things were going great, when one evening she tells me her ex wants her back and things ended. I've since met someone new, I met her for the first time Saturday night and it went really well, she wants to see me again this saturday, but I feel really paranoid that the same thing will happen again, and I feel almost scared to fall for her. I also have another problem, my ex used to text me constantly all evening, from the moment I got home to when I went to bed. If an evening goes by when my new girlfriend doesn't text, I feel paranoid again that perhaps she is chatting to another guy or she isn't interested anymore. I hate the paranoid person i've become, I never used to be like this before I met my ex :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): Hi Eddie,You're a great guy, don't worry so much. I think it's a little odd for someone to 'text' non-stop all evening long don't you? To me, that's a red flag sign of insecurity. (and I find annoying)- but this is about you. As others say, just relax and enjoy your time. Don't let your ex's past behavior rob you of this new, love interest. :)
A
female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Hi there
I know what you're feeling - i have been there many times!
We seem to look to the past and worry that history will repeat itself, but the truth is that it doesn't have to be that way. Sometimes we create it with our behaviour, though. See, if you are paranoid, this will show in your behaviour and you will end up sabotaging yourself by attracting all these negative things to you. I think you should seriously just go with the flow and if you can't be positive about things, then at least just be neutral. Take it slow and a day at a time. Don't be jumping to conclusions about things.
You went through a tough time with your ex - it was a sudden, heartbreaking thing. But that doesn't mean other girls are going to do the same thing! Keep reminding yourself of that.
Hope things pick up :)
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A
male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (3 March 2009):
Ed1337 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ok maybe it is a bit soon to call her my girlfriend, but I wasn't too sure what to write instead. Also my ex didn't leave me, I left her because I wasn't prepared to be messed around.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (3 March 2009):
 You have only met this new girl last saturday so surely it is a bit soon to be calling her your girlfriend? You need to take the time to get to know this girl properly before you jump into a relationship!
Once you get to know this girl then your paranoia should ease off, because when you get to know her then you will see what sort of a person she is hence this should ease your worries.
Dont let your ex affect you like this; she left you now you have to move on. Remind yourself that not all girls are like that and you have to give this new girl a chance. There is not a lot you can do to control your paranoia, it just has to be conscious effort from you to stop it. As soon as you feel yourself thinking that way you need to tell yourself to stop.
With time the paranoia will fade and hopefully this new girl will show you that not all girls are the same.
But remember, take it slow with this new girl!
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