A
female
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anonymous
writes:I really need your help! I am in love with my best friend who lives ages away from me! He lives like about 12-14 hours drive which equals to about a 2 hour plane trip. I have felt this way about him for quite a while now. Since about July I think. However when I first met him, I developed a big crush on him straight away. A coupple or so months after we met he moved away because his family were moving. I am 17, turning 18 in four months time and he is 19 (turning 20 in four months time).I recently went to visit him and it was sooooo good. My deseperate desire to be closer to him became even stronger. I miss him sooooo much. And wish he would move back her. But there is no chance as he is studying university where he lives now and where he moved to is a really good city, where as, where I am stuck isnt such a good place.Oh and i think i forgot to mention, he says he feels the same way about me. So its not like i am the only one with these feeligns.So basicialy my question to you guys is what do i do?I have thought about moving to where he lives so we could have a relationship but i am sooo scared at the thought of moving. Although I am almost 18, i am sooo emotionaly dependent on my mum. I love her to death and get upset at the thought of being so far away from her. And i know she would feel the same. My mum isnt too keen to get rid of me cuz i am her last baby left (lol). So i wouldnt have much support and encouragment from her to move out of home.My friends tell me that if i 'truly loved him' then i would move and have no doubt in my mind. But i disagree. I dont believe that 'love conquers all'. because love is just a feeling to me. just cuz u love somoene doesnt mean a relationship will for sure work out. two people can lvoe each other and have a relationship that 'fails'. anyway thats just my beleifs. so basicaly i dont know what to do. like i said, moving away from home is sooooo scary for me! plus i will be studying full time next year at university here, so living out of home and studying would be hard i think.but at the same time, i hate being away from him. what do i do? it kidna upsets me that he wouldnt even consider moving here. its like he doesnt care about me as much.what do u guys think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): I don't have an answer to your question, but want to tell you that I sympathize with you. I am a few years older than you and my boyfriend (of 1 1/4yrs) lives on the other side of the world. He has visited me once and I have spent 6mths in his country. He tells me that he wants me to move in with him, but that I have to make the decision. The move for me, would involve learning a new language and a possible change in career. My problem is that whilst my b/f says he loves me, he cannot (or will not) commit to moving to my homeland for any period of time at this stage.
I am confused as to whether it is love and he is just scared, or whether he is taking me and our relationship for granted.
For you situation, you are only young and not that far away. I would suggest having some time apart and seeing if your feelings still remain. If they do, then perhaps make the move. A two hour plane flight is relatively close in this day and age.
A
female
reader, pica +, writes (24 November 2006):
I don't think that at your age you should reroute your life - i.e. move - for a relationship. You haven't known each other that long, if I'm reading correctly, just a few months. I know you have strong feelings for each other and it's hard but you both have other important things in life to consider like studying and family. You still feel attached to your mum? That's fine. Stay near her. I agree with you about your friends' "if you truly love him" idea, - that's a bit too dramatic. Forget the cliches and start to plan how often and where you can meet up. Integrate the relationship with your lives. Don't hold it against him that he won't move - he's just being sensible. He's likely had the uni plans for some time. So enjoy the time you can have together but don't put your life on hold.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): He moved to be with his family when they moved away.
He is at university where he is now.
Both of you are still quite young, and you will be starting university yourself next year.
If YOU moved to be with him, you would be moving away from your family and everyone you know to be with a man you like a lot, don't know how your relationship would work and how compatible the two of you would really be.
I think you show a lot of common sense in thinking about these things, and are wise to be cautious. Your friends are off-target in saying that if you really loved him you'd have no doubts and would go to where he is, regardless!
You miss him, and he feels similarly about you. Best thing is to concentrate on your studies, and visit back and forth when you can, and send emails, talk on the phone, etc. to stay in contact, but see how it goes. Time enough when you are both finished your university courses to see if the feelings are still just as strong, and whether you - or he - then might want to be in the same city!
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): Pray about it.
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