A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,A brief synopsis of my recent history with my ex follows:She broke up with me nine and a half weeks ago. Other than a few stupid things I did via Facebook, I never initiated any contact with her. About two and a half weeks ago, she contacted me via instant messenger; we talked the next week, every night, for between thirty minutes and an hour. At the end of that week, she said she was going to be in my neighborhood, and asked if I would be home. This led to me seeing her in person for the first time since the break up--we just had a light hearted conversation for about 45 minutes. A few days later, I sent a message to her on Facebook, saying "I want to spoon you!" While she has been out of town since then, and likely busy with work and a summer job she has, I have not heard from her since. After sending that Facebook message, I decided to start 90 days of real no contact, which would involve ignoring her attempts to contact me, too. Today is day 15 of my new no contact efforts. I feel miserable. My birthday was a few days ago, and I had convinced myself that it would be the start of a new year, and a new me. I was excited, and feeling confident. This only lasted for about one and a half days. The past few days I haven't been able to take my mind off of my ex, and I've felt incredibly depressed. To the point where I don't want to even talk to any of my friends or family. I know I am not helping my cause at all, because I've basically stopped being proactive about improving myself, and my mood. I have a second date with a girl that is, by all accounts, a great catch. I had several fun-packed days relating to my birthday. All my heart wants is my ex though--I feel as if my love hasn't dissipated in the least. I'm lost. Please help.
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female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 It gets easier in time. I am glad to hear you have made a conscious decision to go 90 days without contact. Thats an excellent idea. just take it one day at a time and remember that one day you WILL be over her!! you wont be 60 years old and still feeling like this about her. so just hang in there take it day by day. Dont think long term yet it will be overwhelming, just think "ok today i am going to have a good day and do something productive". just concentrate on today and nothing else, then wake up the next day and concentrate on THAT today and nothing else. There is no shortcut all you can do is wait for it to pass. I know it is the last thing you feel like doing but really force yourself to keep busy because it will give you something else to think about.good luckxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): i'm reading this page for the same reason. I had a bf for 4 years and he broke up with me and i feel horribly depressed. I decided to ignore him for another month but He contacted me on monday after about a month and a half of no contact and asked me to hang out. We did the next day, he tried kissing me and i think he was just trying to get some ass but i didn't let him cuz i think he just wants to use me. Then he called me on wednesday and asked me to sleep over his house, I said no of course and then thursday, friday and last night he didn't contacted me and now i feel the same way as when he first broke up with me. The best thing is to just ignore the person completly. This way if she contacts u and u ignore her she'll feel really bad and u will be getting her back for all the pain she caused u. She'll appriciate u more if u ignore her. Put some value on ur self. Let her do the chase for a while and ignore her for 90 days. By the time 90 days have passed u'll be in much better shape and if she contacts u and u guys hang out u won't feel bad again. Just keep ignoring her and get over her. U sounds like such a nice guy and us girls that's all we're looking for. So just by ur personality i can tell u'll be able to get almost any girl u want. Don't be weak stay stronge and put her on ur past like i'll try to do with this scum bag who was abusive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Yeah that always happens to me too! For some reason when you break up with someone and it seems like you are doing ok, and then out of the blue they contact you, for some strange reason, it just really throws you in a loop. And it takes you right back to the first day you broke up. And worse! It's so weird! It's like had she never contacted you I bet you wouldn't even be feeling depressed right now. I don't know why that happens. But it happens. Well you are right in avoiding her from now on. Cause, for real, you don't need to be feeling this way anymore. And obviously she is not looking for a reconciliation so her friendliness is just playing with your head and emotions(I'm not saying she is doing it on purpose I am just saying that's what's happening). It's so much easier to get over someone when you have absolutely no contact with them. If you are concerned that she might try to contact you, just try to avoid the things that would make you interact with her, like facebook or whatever.
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