A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm two years older than my sister and my mom is always comparing us. She always says to look at my sister who has a slender face unlike my chubby one. She hints that my sister will be more successful. She says things like "Your sister is going to choose a major that will land her a good job and good pay." Which sounds harmless but I know she means "unlike you." When I went to college, my mom persuaded me to attend a university close to home so I could communite, and I did. She said she would pay for my college if I chose the less expensive state system, but not if I chose the more expensive one. But this year my sister chose the more expensive one and she is paying for it. I really regret listening to my mom because I could have gone to my dream school. My mom is always strict with me and less strict with my sister. I feel like a guinea pig. I'm taller than my sister so my clothes fit her, and she takes them all the time without my permission. It annoys me but I don't say anything. But I can't borrow her clothes because they don't fit me. Also, I'm studying abroad in Tokyo (my dream) and my sister wants to study abroad in Paris. But my mom persuaded her to choose Tokyo like me. She said she could study abroad there for a year, whereas she told me one year is too expensive and half a year is enough. This summer, she will begin Japanese classes which means her experience in Tokyo will be far richer than mine due to language skills. I have a university banquet tomorrow, the same day as my sister's prom. My mom told me to lend my necklace to her. I said no since I was going to wear it and my mom called me selfish! I hate the hurtful feeling of nothing ever being my own. What should I do? I can't move out and be completely independent yet. How can I cope in the meantime?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): Don't lend her your necklace!!
It is yours and your sister is the selfish one taking your clothes and stuff. Besides it is your special day and the necklace is yours anyways. Let your sister buy another necklace if she really wants to wear a necklace.
I know how you feel. My dad prefers my sister who is from the same mom and a different dad. My dad is her stepfather and he prefers her than me, even though I'm an Honor Society Student at school and have been for 3 year s straight, while my sister never was an Honor Student.
A
female
reader, meccamega  +, writes (12 May 2012):
I know how you feel. My parents also play favourites aswell.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 These are really hurtful things that your mother is saying, no parent should ever compare two children. But have you ever sat down with her and told her how horrible and upset this makes you feel, she might not realise just how much this upsets you and gets to you, she might not mean the harm that she causes. Sit down with her and tell her everything that upsets you and how you feel and hopefully things will get better.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 May 2012):
 "Favorite brother/sister" claims seem to take on a life of their own if the "unfavorite" brother/sister lets them....
I suggest that you peer in to the future.... say, 15 years from now.... You will be following your dreams; your sister, her's. Then.... what difference will it make whether or not your Mother favored your sister?
The bottom line: Live your own life.... pursue your dreams and don't bother a whit about whether or not your Mother favors your sister. In the end, it will make 'way less difference than will YOU making the most of YOUR life and following YOUR dreams....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 Oh how I sympathise with you. I had the same differential treatment when I was young.I had a very unhappy childhood, because very early on I realised that I was not wanted and certainly not loved.I was never cuddled or hugged, let alone kissed or fussed over.I seemed to be resented, and everything that I did was wrong.When I was about seven years old, my mother gave birth to my brother. What a difference in treatment he got! From the moment he was born, he could do no wrong, he was idolised and got all of the love and affection that I never did and anything that he wanted was bought for him whilst I got little or nothing.I went to College after school, and my parents resented the fact that I wasn’t out earning instead of wasting my time studying and, like you, they did little or nothing to support me during my college years. After yet another argument (in my final year), they threw me out of the home, to which I have never returned, nor have I ever seen them again. Needless to say, I failed my exams, too.Unfortunately, I have very little in the way of advice to offer you; certainly nothing worked for me and I felt that I was resented all the time. You just need to be out of there, I think, and make your own decisions and life choices.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): "How can I cope in the meantime?"All you can do is understand that even the best parents are imperfect human beings who make mistakes, and unfortunately your stuck with a mother who is a lousy parent because she shamelessly plays favorites.Not defending her, it must really suck for you, but perhaps she was in a similar position as a child and is simply reliving what your maternal grandmother ingrained into her. My late mother grew up in the no-win situation of being constantly compared to a "perfect" older sister who existed only in my grandmother's imagination as she died tragically at age two before my mother was even born. Fortunately my mother was blessed with the intelligence and insight to overcome her dysfunctional family dynamics, and none of it rubbed off on my siblings or me. It wasn't until I was well into adulthood that I understood the palpable tension between my mother and grandmother, but it never affected my loving relationship with either one while I was growing up.I was lucky, I was blessed with fabulous parents. You aren't so lucky, and having experienced what you've missed out on makes me feel even sadder for you. All I can say is it is possible to overcome bad parenting and break the cycle; my mother did it so you can, too. In the meantime, all you can do is hang in there, be the bigger person and try to forgive your mother for actions she may not consciously comprehend before you ultimately get your revenge by raising happy, smart, insightful, resourceful, well-adjusted, non-judgmental kids of your own while their cousins are becoming self-centered, entitled, spoiled brats.
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