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female
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anonymous
writes: Let me just start by saying this. I HATE HATE HATE hubby's best female friend! Yes, she is younger, thinner and female, but that is NOT the reason I hate her so much. She has been friends with my hubby for over 20 years and she is NEEDY! It wasn't so bad until we moved to a new city. You'd think that would make things better, right? WRONG! This bitch sends my hubby email EVERY DAY! Sometimes 2-3 a day. Hubby swears they are only friends and that's all they've ever been. I believe him, but I totally do not trust this woman. I want to just put my foot down and forbid him from EVER contacting her again, but that would make me look insecure and like I am the bitch. Please give me some advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): I've been there & done this-& it's horrible! My boyfriend was acting quite distant to me, so I started checking his computer & phone calls. I found e-mails & calls to & from a female coworker. When I confronted him, his response was "we're just friends". Some of the e-mails were perverted. There were days when he talked to her more on the phone that he did with me. There were late night phone calls to her. Funny how he neglected to tell me about this "friend". That was a couple years ago. And I now have reason to believe it is happening with another woman. I'm done with him!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): First of all, YOU should be your husband's best female friend. Second of all, no married man or married woman should have a friend of the opposite sex that is not also friends with his/her spouse. No woman should be confiding in and talking intimately with a married man. The same goes for a man and a married woman. Any relationship like this is always a threat to a marriage, be it now or 25 years from now, because couples always have problems at some time or other in their marriage and that's when that shoulder to cry on gets to be a little too warm. We are all vulnerable when we when weak. Tell your husband that his relationship with her bothers you and if he has any respect for your feelings whatsoever, he will tell this woman to get lost and go find another shoulder to cry on, preferably a female one.
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A
female
reader, AylaJ  +, writes (5 September 2007):
You're jealous. I'm that close with all my guy friends and I would NEVER EVER destroy their relationships. I have no romantic feelings for them. 2-3 Emails a day YEAH a bit needy but just ask her if she is lonely lately or depressed find out why she does it so much wihtout directly asking her.Maybe you can take half of the work load of your husband with maintaining this friendship by becoming her confidant. Goodluck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): You say you hate her, you call her a "bitch" and that 1-2 emails a week are too much. Honestly the only person making you look like a villain is yourself. You seem bent on destroying a 20 year long friendship despite the fact that you claim you believe your husband that there is nothing going on. My advice is to seek some professional help. This site can be helpful but you seem to need someone you can talk to face to face and who can help you deal with these anger and trust issues. Hating someone the way you do is not healthy and it can only lead to heartbreak by driving your husband from you. If not dealt with it will poison the love you two share and for what? A friendship of 2 decades with someone that isn't even in the same city anymore. As for the advice others have given to make a male friend I would say that making a friend only for revenge would be a huge mistake. Friendship should not be built upon hate or an attempt to induce hate.
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (4 September 2007):
Why not play your Husband's game,like find yourself a male friend somewhere out on the Web. and get into a loveydovey relationship with him. but do make sure that your Hubby knows that you have an ongoing,daily Web chat with your new found friend. Gee!,Bet he'll soon get the point. that's what I would do if I were you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): You should not feel that your husband is having emotional intimacy with her because it is a kind of betrayal. He is over-riding your feelings and making hers seem more important. He is making your feelings insignificant so he does not have to change his arrangements. She should be a joint friend but it sounds as though she is very annoying. All my girlfiriends are friendly with my partner but they would not dream of separating off into a separate thing with him. They come out with us alone, no prob. They would sent an email to us both, no prob. They would ask his advice and get a hug with me there, no prob. Why are you excluded from this friendship? My partner tells me that no man has a female friend (and vice versa) without there being something sexual, a flirtation etc there. He said men are liars if they say otherwise and he lied about it himself once. Your partner may never act on it, but the spicy thing is knowing he could. Having said that some men are copletely naive and if they have a lot of sisters can compartmentalise the relationship into that sort of thing. Then the woman totally surprises him. If another woman claims a section of exlusive intimacy from someone else's husband she is doing it to lord over the other woman and make herself feel powerful. She thinks, she could take him if she wanted or at least that she can discuss things with him that you won't know about.Don't let anyone tell you that you are imagining this. My closest friend just got her marriage wrecked by a stupid flirt married woman. They flew closer and closer to the flame and my friend kept saying they were just friends and that she was not worrried. They all went to church together and this woman was a godparent for the etc. Once she had wrecked the mariage the woman did not even want my friend's husband, she stayed with her own. She just wanted the extra excitement of thinking a man wanted her, even though he was married.If you have to, make your own male friend and see if he likes it.
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A
female
reader, beth88  +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Wow. That would sooo make me nervous. I don't blame you, lol.
If I were you, I'd tell him that it makes me uncomfortable that she talks to him that much. I mean, I can understand if they're best mates, but seriously... would a GUY mate contact him that much?
Don't try to make him stop talking to her all together, just ask him to try and see if she'll chill out a little. I hope everything works out to your advantage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe used to email her about as often as she emailed him. We had a huge fight about it and as far as I know he doesn't email her but about once or twice a week now but even that much just bugs me. I want her to just disappear. He thinks I'm being insecure. He says he's never had a sexual relationship with this woman and I do believe him, and she is happily married, but I guess I just feel like she is trying to make me look bad. She has everyone fooled. They all think she's sooo sweet, but the truth is that she is just an annoying know-it-all. I just feel like she would have an affair with my hubby if he gave her half a chance. I really need some suggestions as to how I can dismantle this friendship without it looking like I am the villain. HELP!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2007): Hi can you give a bit more info. Does you hubby respond to her emails? What kind of emails are they? If they have been friends for 20 years you cannot expect them to just stop now, but she could and should be pushed a bit into the background. Keep in touch.Take carexx
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