A
female
age
51-59,
*umminBird
writes:Okay - I am seriously desperate and need help and any advice I can get! The following events have all taken place in the past 6-8 weeks: 1) My boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me for the 2nd (!)time. 2) He cheated with a man. (1st time was a woman).3) I prepared to leave the situation (ie; looked for a place to go, checked out local rentals, etc. made a prepatory plan to leave).4) I lost my job.Here are the facts:I do believe my 'boyfriend' is gay. I don't have a problem with his sexuality, however, the cheating part just pisses me off! (And no, I wouldn't stay with him even if he didn't cheat. He's gay. Enough said, I have suspected as much for a while now).Together, we own 2 homes (our primary residence and a vacation home). All of my financial resouces are tied up in these homes (over $100,000) yikes! I had planned on leaving him, asking him to split the resources, and moving on. Then Friday (2 days ago) I lost my job. Well, there you have it. Help! I am miserable. I feel like I am going to break apart into a million pieces! Any advice at all (any) would be of help! Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, krista217 +, writes (24 July 2008):
 I am in a similar situation as you, but not quite as bad. My husband and I just purchasd a home a few months ago (mistake on my part since the cheating occured before we were married, with 2 different women) and now I am highly considering leaving him. I always made more money than he did and basically supported our family (his income helped with the smaller things) and yet I recently was laid off and now neither of us can afford this house on our own, but it is solely in my name. I have the option to move back home but only if he could afford this house, which he can't without getting a roommate.
Your situation depends on the type of person he is. My husband may be quite the cheater but he wouldn't "screw me over" when it comes to the house. If you trust your boyfriend and you all can come to an agreement to sell and split the property I say that would be best. And as another response suggested, perhaps stay in different rooms and just be roommates. Since I told my husband about wanting to separate our relationship has been much better, partially because he doesn't want it to end and is on his best behavior but also just because he hurt me so bad already I stopped caring.
Feel free to send me a private message if you want to chat some more, I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (21 July 2008):
Well you shouldn't have to run away to get out of this relationship.
Tell him you are leaving and that you want to sell both the homes. You can stay in a spare room until it's finalised.
Get your cash and then get out. In a way if you have lost your job and will have all this money behind you it could be a blessing in disguise.... you are free now. You can do what ever you want. You could do some travelling or move to another part of the world to find a new job.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): Humminbird, I feel for you, two blows so close together.
Is it possible for you to break up with your boyfriend, but remain 'friends' while you work out the job/finances thing? I know a few couples who have broken up because the romance part wasn't working anymore and they actually became even better friends. They still live together for financial reasons. It's not the best situation, but a practical one. Your issues entwine both emotional and practical issues and trying to sort of separate them out from one another in a rational way might be helpful right now. You definitely should break up with your boyfriend. If he is cheating on you at all, he is telling you that you are not the right woman for him.Therefore he is not the right man for you. THAT part is very simple. (but not easy). All the best to you!
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