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female
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anonymous
writes:Im with this lovely guy He is so great the only thing is we are long distance at the min, although this will change soon.I am kinda new to the whole relationship thing and I think my guy has picked on this. He always offers me reasuranse when he thinks I need it. He is older then me which I think is great as he can show me so much that i havent experienced (I dont mean this sexually) He is very paitent with me as sometimes I talk rubbish. due to him working away we dont get to talk very often. We mainly text.My problem is I just miss him so much it hurts. I want to know what I can do about this. I hang on his texts and I know its silly but if I dont get a reply I can get into such a panic that I almost throw up I cry, cant concentrate and just feel terrible until he texts As soon as he texts I begin to feel better. Its going to be over a week till I get to see him again and I really wanna control this Life seems to be running past so slowly at the moment I try to keep myself occupied but it doesnt always workI think the world of him I dont wanna loose him I just want to be more in control of my situation. Any advice please Thanks xxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): That sounds a great idea to divert negative thinking. I have a few techniques of changing negative thought patterns, if the text thing is still bothering you in a few weeks send me a PM and I'll talk you through one of the mental exercises :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice Dr Pete You talk a lot of sence Im gonna try to look on the positive side Like when he says im beautiful, not when he doesn't reply to a text.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): It sounds like you are in a good supportive relationship and it is great to hear that you have been able to talk to him about your insecurities. Everyone has insecurities and I personally think it's constructive to be able to tell them to your partner because then your partner understands you that extra bit more.
I think you already know this but you need to concentrate on positive thinking about yourself, not thinking negatively. For example, thinking things like "What if he goes off me" you are assuming in that statement that you are not worthy or being liked. yet he has said he likes everything about you. Can you see how your thoughts don't make any logical sense?
Think about this little experiment for a while. If you were to take 5 minutes out, lie down and concentrate on thinking negatively about all your insecurities, imagining the worse case scenarios of how you will be rejected, hurt etc, after those 5 minutes you will feel absolutely crap, and you probably will for the rest of the day. Thinking negative brings about depression, insecurity, jealousy, everything negative and distructive to a relationship.
On the other hand, if you spend 5 minutes concentrating on positive feelings, fun times and memories you've had so far and thinking about all the ways you are right for each other, and imagining a brilliant, wonderful and exciting future together, after those 5 minutes you will feel amazingly positive. It'll completely change your state for the rest of the day. Positive thinking brings about confidence, relaxation, joy, happiness. Everything that encourages a healthy self and consequently a good relationship.
Whenever you find yourself thinking something distructive, critical or negative, be conscious of it and change your thoughts to be more positive. You only have to do this for a while before you find yourself not thinking negatively but the more you do it, the more you'll find it booasts your self-confidence and I honestly believe you'll put your insecurities issues behind you. Good luck :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice
I do try to focus on other interests but its hard He does like that I have a life of my own tho
I do worry that I can be clingy and have spoken to him about this. I want to be honest with him about how I feel He said that I dont bother him at all and that he likes hearing from me. This is very sweet but obv I dont wanna be like this all the time.
Im working on it but sometimes, and i know this sounds daft, i feel real lonley and kinda down.
I think my main worry is that he will go off me/not want to see me anymore. I dont feel very confident in myself and he seems to have more confidence in me then i do sometimes
I think he understands me tho and a few weeks ago he said I like everything about you.
I just wanna be more chilled and relaxed
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female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (1 November 2006):
 It`s Wonderful that you feel this great, all encompassing love for this man, and i`m sure he knows it too! He`s very lucky to have you, and I bet he knows that too! What i`d like though, is for you to have a couple of nights just for you, to think. I`d like you to turn off the TV, and play some soft relaxing music in the backround (Not Meatloaf!), and really have a good think. I would like for you to find some other interests, to take up your time, and it would be Fab then, to recieve a text from your guy, when you are so occupied with this new hobby, that you "lost track of time", and that text (even if it`s a boring one! saying see you next Tuesday), takes you by surprise, and you will then think "WOW". Please try to get some other interests, Not for him, BUT FOR YOU ! ! Let me know how it goes Please, With Love, Heather.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): Hi Anon,
Its great that you've met such a lovely guy, That you love so much and who loves you, you mention that your new to relationships, and I'm going to try and let you realise somthing that maybe you hadent thought of:
what do you think your progecting to him with all this extra reasurance you are needing from him?
also the way you get so upset and hung up on his txts?
I think you are progecting that "I need you" and "I am affected by every move you make" this is not a good message to send to him however lovely and genuine he may be, I'm not saying he will play games or anything but its not a good Idea to send this message to any man,
I believe at the moment your making your relationship with him a much "too big" part of your life, where as he seems to keep diffrent parts of his life in tact, your leaving the rest behind you need to find someway of keeping it all intact too,
You say "at the moment Life seems to be running slowly because you miss him" Which is natral but maybe you need to find somthing else thats as good as being with him, because this will make you a much more intresting women to him in the long run,
he will be with you soon anyway and if you can find somthing to keep you occupied, it will appeal to him more, because its somthing to talk about and keeps you from getting down, I'm sure he likes to see you happy and have an enthousiaum for Friends,Family and Intrests outside the relationship just try looking outward at these things and less at your mobile phone. Good Luck Ditzy Blonde Chick
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female
reader, blackcoffee +, writes (1 November 2006):
Gosh, You sound like me 6 months ago! I had to move 2hrs away and it was hell. I felt just like you. If he did not call, text or pick up his phone I would have a vivid mental picture of what he may be up to. It's normal. However it will all be better because your man is definetly supporting you. Sometimes you will panic again but remember he is yours. If he is willing to hang on to you from far, then it means you are special to him. Don't keep stressing him though coz he will feel you do not trust him. Trust is important. My man and I are now even stronger than we were when we were in the same town. We don't take each other for granted and have the most brilliant of times when we see each other. Missing him is the greatest aphrodisiac ever! Good luck girl.
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