| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I find it shameful to look at people whom i do not find attractive. And when i do look at them, some of them start thinking about themselves as being amazing. Also i have this concept in my mind that i should always looks at people with love in my eyes. What is this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): lol, at EVE.
anyhow, why do you continue to look at them if you find it shameful to look at people who you think are unattractive?
then maybe you should stop looking at them. you're sending them the wrong vibe.
do they smile back at you?
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (19 March 2007):
You say you have a concept in your mind that you should always look at people with love in your eyes. This is a noble thought, and one that reflects our true nature of lovingness. I myself encourage as much unconditional lovingness as possible.
Your feelings of shamefulness may be related to this, in that you find it difficult to look at someone with love, when you find them unattractive to look at at the same time, so there is shame associated with the different feelings you have. You would like to look at them lovingly but are aware that you do not find them attractive.
There is nothing wrong with you finding someone unattractive, but at the same time there is value in all humans beyond this, which can be loved. If you can recognise this, you will find that these two honest feelings do not conflict, and that it is ok to not be attracted to them but still look at them lovingly if you can recognised what is to be loved within all people.
Do not concern yourself with what other people might think - it is very unlikely that you can ever know what truely goes through their minds when you look at them anyway. You might also get some strange reactions, some people do not love themselves, and when you look at them lovingly, they may even act aggressively towards you. I would encourage you to be yourself and follow your heart, but it might be useful to be aware not to intimidate people either.
I hope some of these ideas are useful to you.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (18 March 2007):
 How do you know when you DO look at someone you don't find attractive that they think they're amazing? How do you know this? lol Do they tell you???
If you look at people attractive OR unattractive with love in your eyes then you are putting across the wrong vibes, maybe that's why the unattractive people think they are amazing. Do you talk to these unattractive people and say nice things to them? Tell me more about these feelings and I'll see if I can advise you some more on this.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007): You find it shameful to look at people that you don't find attractive, and that when you do these people think that they are amazing?
You sound narcissistic to me....you think that by just gazing in the eyes of a less attractive person that you are giving them some sort of belief that they too are amazing or beautiful? And that you ought to look at them with love in your eyes? Who are you, Jesus? You may be a sensitive soul, I don't know, but you are giving yourself too much credit and responsibility for how others feel. People are responsible for their own feelings....
You should not feel shamed by looking at someone you don't find attractive, just try to find the good in everyone, and be kind to every one you meet, and you will get it back in return....you don't have to flirt and lead someone on that you are attracted when you are not....but you don't have to avoid their gaze for fear of leading them on either....just try being yourself and see what happens.
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A
female
reader, AskChaz +, writes (18 March 2007):
 Dear author,
You probably feel sorry for them because you know tat they will find it hard to make love. Maybe you are gentler than you think. Try and talk to someone near to you and explain to them how you feel and they might understand what you are going through at the moment.
From AskChaz
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