| A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: What's the cure for love? Please help me!I'm married and I accidentally fell for another woman. (Not having any affair, and she doesn't care about me)I feel miserable. I think about her every 5 minutes or so, wishing so badly I could be with her. My depressed mood is wrecking my marriage, which was already shaky.I feel powerfully attracted to the other woman, both physically and intelectually. With my wife it's the opposite, and now I can barely tolerate the thought of having sex with her. Also, we have little in common.I must forget quickly about the other woman to start recovering my marriage and stop suffering bitterly.(And unfortunately I have to see her often at work.)
View related questions:
affair, at work, depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): Need to clarify your situation: How long have you been feeling like this, is it over a long period of time? How long have you been married?
You need to talk to s/o, esp if you're feeling so unhappy about your situation. Talk to s/o, before you explode, firstly let go of the bitterness["suffering bitterly". Take a few deep breaths, and relax, and set it free, that'll just hinder the situation further. However, suffering is part of everyones life everyday, that one takes time, be patient...(Don't take life so seriously!!! Take it easy!!]
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Mayb don't upset your wife for the minute, she may be angry, and may not have the same feelings for you after you tell her. I'm not saying you should be deceitful and dishonest with her, but this may turn out to be a passing thing in the long run, and you'll realise it was silly, and just another transition, but she'll remember, and she may not trust you in future. You can't bottle your feelings up, you need to get it off your chest. I don't think you should keep questioning yourself: what you liked about your wife in the beginning etc., because it will just go around in a circle and upset you. When you repress anger it takes the form of depression, you may be feeling angry and frustrated that you can't express your feelings, and angry at your self for loving another woman, this is probably why you are depressed. You need someone elses intervention, to release your feelings, and the more you talk, it will get rid of all the energy/passion your bottling up, but pick the right person to talk to. If this woman work colleague is you're friend maybe you should confide in her, if she's a decent, considerate, genuine person, she might understand, and help you work through your feelings, be an ear to listen or even help you figure it all out. If not, try talk to a mate, you can trust, in confidence. Choose someone who wont use this against you in work, to diminish your work efforts, or marriage, you seem like a decent guy. Test the ground with 1/2 people, to see who might listen, someone that care's for you.
Best of Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2006): Hi,
If you're friends with your work colleague (if she's decent and loyal to you), maybe you could talk to her about how you feel, she might be able to help you, listen to you, and let you talk through how you feel, and work with saving your marriage. If this girl is a friend, she will understand, talk over lunch/coffee. If she has trusted you before with her personal things, and she's not a big mouth, then trust her (you'd know her best). You can't bottle it up. Saying it to your wife might make her angry, or take away the feeling she has for you, and she may be suspcious of you in the future. Im not saying not to be honest with your wife, but if its a passing thing, you'll realise it was silly to bring it up. Talk to a mate who has been loyal to you/will be there for you, a mate who won't cause trouble for you in work or will use it to diminish your work efforts. You need to release how you feel but to the right person, by talking you'll heal it, get it off your chest. If you keep questioning yourself & going back and thinking what it is that attracted you to your wife etc. you'll magnify the whole problem in your head. You need some intervention, someoneone to share the burden, to break the repetitiveness of going back on each issue. Best of Luck,
...............................
A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (20 December 2006):
 Having feelings for another is a sympton not the cause of falling out of love with your wife.
This other woman not reciprocating just makes your subconcious curious of what could it be like, also it is fresh in your mind. Seeing her every day is a constant reminder and is feeding a habit.
Your marriage was shaky before, assuming that you have talked about this and tried to work things out, you must decide is you still love your wife or not enough if to continue with this marriage.
Be honest with yourself and your wife.
Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Juliette +, writes (16 December 2006):
 I think you need to reflect on your marriage. I know it is harder said than done but even if an affair was possible with this woman at work, your relationship would always be tainted by guilt etc. Also, I think if we give in to these feelings of attraction and act on them we get 'contaminated' for while with what we perceive as 'love'. This may sound daft but love has been found to produce chemicals in the brain that are like a drug, this makes us act impulsively and do things rash and when that initial phase of 'love' wears a little, we realise we acted too soon on feelings and not using our head. I have and I am experiencing this myself right now but also past experience has prepared me that acting on it caused more destruction. I also believe that when we feel this way out thought patterns start making us look for disappointments with our current partner, we look for faults and excuses why we don't love them anymore. That is why it is really important to sort out your married life first. I am not saying you have to stay in a marriage that isn't working, but to make that decision without getting involved in another relationship that will sway your thinking clearly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2006): you have to think about why you are with your wife to begin with and why you loved her for so long and if you can't think of anything then try being honest with your wife about you thinking that the marriage is getting a little worrysome and ask her is she agrees if she doesn't think it is then ask her if it is ok anyway to go and seek help to put your mind at ease. and as for the other woman you just need to think is this worth my marriage and if the answer is yes them seek a devorice them procide, don't cheat on your wife she deserves better then that. but if you answer if no it's not then go and call your wife and tell her you love her she'll be glad to hear it.
hope that helps
...............................
A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (16 December 2006):
 To start with,falling for someone else happens accidendally!
Of that you can be sure.
Secondly, you must have had something in common with your wife in the first place, or you would not have married her..
you must have been attracted to her surely, to have married her?
It would be a good idea to go back and think about what attracted you to your wife in the beginning,so much so, that you vowed to spend the rest of your life with her!
So,your marriage gets a bit shaky, you start getting a bit bored with your routine, married life, and so on and so forth, we all know how life can be...
Then along comes someone attractive & stimulating & you lose all focus & go all ga-ga, because she seems a whole lot more interesting to you...
And now you tell me that this other woman doesn't even care about you?
Ask yourself this.... please... if push came to shove...
Would you be prepared to give up all that you have invested
in your marriage, family life, whatever, to have this fantasy obsession about another woman who doesn't even care about you? And who probably is not even attracted to you?
If you have any love left at all for your wife, at least make the effort to re- kindle those flames that were there in the first place.
Take Care.
...............................
|
