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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I don't know what to do. My boyfriend (1 yr. 10 mos.) always acts the same when we have an argument. He just doesn't want to talk things. We had a little argument on Tuesday and today is Friday and he hasn't called me. After an argument I'm always the one who has to initiate the contact. And then he acts as if nothing happened, it makes me so mad. I feel I have a relationship with him because of my efforts. On Tuesday he was in a bad mood for something and asked me to help him with something in a kind of disrespectful manner. I don’t know what happened to him earlier in the day while working because he always hides his feelings and rarely talks about the things that bother him no matter how much I ask. I have no problems with him when I’m laughing and making jokes and acting like a teenager but that’s not the real life. Also we are on our thirties and late twenties he should be more mature about life. When I’m telling him something that bothers me or that is important to me he acts as if he is listening (most of the time) but almost never gives feedback. He says he just doesn’t know what to say. Sometimes he makes jokes that don’t have anything to do with what I’m saying just to get away from the emotional pressure. I have talked to him about this and about the importance of talking things through in a relationship. He is not very affectionate either and he says he has never daydreamed about getting married. Not even when younger. Is this normal? We have plans of getting married but he tells me I have to be financially stable for that. Also he wouldn’t buy a house because the mortgage loan will ruin the plans he has for his business. He never talks about marriage or plans anything unless I bring up the topic. He gave me an engagement ring last Valentine’s but didn’t proposed or anything. Later he told me he gave it to me to keep men off me at work. But jealousy is not a problem with him. He helps me to pay my debts now that I’m unemployed. But I have noticed that he respected me more when I was working. I’ve tried working with him as he is self employed, but I need a structure and specific things to do. He just asked me to do whatever he needed whenever he wanted and paid me whatever he felt like (usually more than what I deserved for what I’ve done) all that made me feel humiliated. I like a lot of things about him but I don’t know if I’m in love with him. What do you think? What would you do?
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at work, debt, hasn't called, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YourDemolitionLover +, writes (27 December 2006):
I guess you feel afriad the relationship is dying, right? Well, I think I know what he's doing. you see, when you get out of an argument, you have a rage inside of you, like a burning fire blazing. you want to win the fight no matter what. And, you need time to think of what was said. So, give it some more time, and then try to work things out.
Love,
~Amanda~
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