A
male
age
36-40,
*ullmetal
writes:Dear cupids, your valuable opinions help me a lot in the past, so i am here again hoping to get your valuable opinions again. To make it short, a girl who have been a friend for 5 years rejected me 2 months back and i go no contact to heal myself. This is the question i asked 2 months ago www.dearcupid.org/question/i-need-your-opinions-so-i-can-move.html . Today she text me in facebook saying she was thinking that i had been so quiet, and realised i unfriended her, atleast we could be friends. I replied that we could be friends,but not now. That she asked ' then when'. I told her that i need to sort myself out first before we can be friends again. I replied like that because being friend with her will only hurt me. Do you cupids think i should have accepted her friendship? Why she is expecting me to remain being her friend after her rude attitude and the fact that she raised my hope and then shot me down multiple times? Please enlighten my confused mind with your valuable opinion. Thank you all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2015): Fullmetal, my dear fellow, it's always a pleasure to be of help. I'm glad you can accept my firm advice. You know I always have your best interest at heart; and it is never my intent to hurt your feelings! Best of luck, dear friend!
A
male
reader, fullmetal +, writes (22 February 2015):
fullmetal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, notsohappy and wiseowl. I am hitting 30 and behaving like a teen. Dear wiseowl, you've done a great favour by giving the anwsers of every questions that i've been asking to myself. That was of great help in deciding where i stand and which direction i should go. Thank you again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): You have to learn there will be people who will maliciously take advantage of your deep-feelings, and exploit your weakness for them. You're her "ego-booster" between boyfriends. For people like that; it strokes their ego, and they bathe in your adoration. They play with your feelings, treat you like a fan, and mock you for it. You tried making your feelings known two months ago. She rejected you, and made you feel bad. I remember you. You are still in the healing process; and your feelings for this girl are too deep for you to be ready to be "just friends." The point of being friends is to make each other feel good. Not bad! You are trying with all your might to make her have romantic feelings for you, when she doesn't. She strings you along.
She probably thinks you're foolish.
Friendship has guidelines that distinguishes ordinary companionship from a romance. You're the one unable to stay within those guidelines, and she doesn't plan to reset them for you. YOU ARE PERMANENTLY IN HER FRIEND-ZONE! If you don't like it there; pack your heart and emotions, and move-out! She is a raindrop in an ocean of women! Find someone else!
Therefore; you owe her nothing, don't receive any benefit from knowing her, and are still undergoing emotional-repair and reconstructing your hurt feelings. You've spent five years of wasting your time trying to make her fall in-love with you! Disappear off her radar!
She is only a source of pain for you. Let her go!!! Surely there may be other problems we can help you with? Take charge where she's concern, you're the boss of your heart and feelings. Go back to NO CONTACT, and stay there! No more reading and responding to her messages. No matter where they come from. You go into a melodramatic relapse; becoming hurt and depressed every-time! Break free! Stop dancing around, just to comeback to square-one!
You're pushing 30, my friend! It's time to man-up and take hold and control of your feelings. Use what you've learned from the pain she causes you. You did the right thing leaving her alone. It has only been a short-time since. Nowadays people have no patience, they always snatch the bandage off, before their wounds are completely healed. That's what you do every-time she bats an eye!
This girl is not for you, and doesn't want you the way you want her. As long as you keep clinging to her, you'll be running back to DC asking what to do about her. She's killing you inside! Ignore her until she no longer has that power over you. I think I may have previously suggested that you seek therapy; if you can't handle things by yourself, a mental-health professional will help you through this. Excuse me if I'm wrong; I think you may have said you had an "obsession" for her in a previous post?
Such fixations require professional-help, my friend.
We can only give you advice; we can't help you with recurring emotional issues that distress you, and may require a professional mental-health evaluation. We will do everything we can to comfort and advise you otherwise. Then you have to have the patience to allow time and distance to help you heal.
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