A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think I have a big problem. All I feel is loneliness. My father and mother have been split since before I was born. My dad has this girlfriend who treats him like crap and talks about me and my sister all the time. He always tells us what she says and every time he tells me, I feel so alone and used. I feel cold in side. I feel like something inside me has been ripped open. I try not to feel like that but . . . my dad barely comes around unless he needs something or wants something. I'm tired of having to give my all, hoping for him to act like a dad. To love me unconditionally, to understand me, to stand up for me when I can't stand up for myself but it never happens. When my parents' boyfirends or girlfriends talk about me or try to control me they say nothing. They go on that persons side, casting me into the shadowy abyss of loneliness and depression. Lately, I've been feeling like I would do anything or be anything to get someone to love me. To care for me. To protect me. I would change myself completely as long as they would stay with me. As long as they wouldn't emotionally hurt me. As long as they could be loyal to me. I would give them all that I am. Since my 18th birthday is drawing near I feel old. I know I'm not but for some reason I just feel that way. I feel utterly alone and worthless and I don't know how to make it go away. I was partially assualted one night by a man who kept trying to get me to go with him somewhere. I made it home alright but the next morning all I could do was wish that he was still out there waiting for me to come back. I found out he worked up the street from my school. I had to catch the bus across the street to stop myself from walking into his place of business and begging him to take me.To stop myself from begging him to love me. I've never met that man a day before in my life and yet I was willing to give him all that I am for some semblance of love. Can someone tell me what to do? I need help. I just want this to stop? How can I make this end? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): My mother talks about my personality. She berates me for having depression and it only makes me feel worse. She says that I'm more concerned about what goes on on a computer screen than what's going on in my life. Can you blame? The walls are closing in around me and the only solace I have is this computer. Today, her ex-boyfriend's son came over to our house. He said it was to see our baby sister but he didn't seemed to worried about the baby. He seemed more interested in my younger sister who is his age but not his blood relation. My mother me and my two younger sisters were supposed to be going up my aunts house but I ended up going alone because he was there and my sister's friend needed somewhere to stay and my mother didn't want to leave them in the house alone. She let me go up my aunts house alone. It's funny how she plays mother to every one elses children but she plays cruel dictator to me. My dad on the other hand, he hates my appearance. Why don't you get your hair done ? Why don't you wear better looking clothes? He tells me this all the time. Eww, look at all those nasty bumps on your face. I hurt inside so much. When I love they hate, When they love I hate. We're poor but that isn't really an excuse. My mother spends the money he gives her for us and she spends my ssi check. She only gives me about 80 bucks to buy clothes, shoes, and whatever else I need. If I ask her to buy it she always says she doesn't have any money. Yet my sister somehow gets 3 different types of lotion and candy everyday? This is the sister that is closest to my age. She is 15. I'm the one that is watched constantly. I'm the one that is always alone. I feel so empty.I met this guy online a while ago. I told him that I was 16, he was 20 at the time. or so he told me. well, we we're talking for about a year and a half but sometime in feb. he writes me and tells me that we can't be together anymore because I've gotten to old. Then he reveals that he has a wife. I feel so sad and used.
A
female
reader, jenni75 +, writes (29 June 2009):
Sounds like you may need counseling. It is very hard to come out of a deep depression without some kind of help and counseling. I suffer from BiPolar,and I get into moods just like that, where I am ready to give up, and feel so alone and that no one cares for me. It is very hard, expecially since you are so young, I have a mom and dad who also seperated when I was young, and I had to listene to the mean things one had to say against the other (they put me in the mddle of everything) they made me feel like it was all my fault (they still do the same to me and I am 35 years old) Neither one of my parents care for me, not like parents should. I got to the point where I don't care, and I moved away, I see them maybe once every 3 months, that is all I can handle them. I was lucky and found a great guy to help me through this transition, my parents hated him, mostly because he wouldn't let them hurt me anymore. You need to find a good therapist, and remember when your parents are making you feel this way, that you are better than that, and that you are almost 18 and you won't have to deal with it, unless you want to. Don't give up on live, you have a lot going for you. Love will come sooner or later, even if its not from your parents. Which I am very sorry for.. Is there any way you can let your dad know you don't want to know what his girlfriend says? Also, maybe you can refuse to see him when he wants to see you, you are at the age where you should be able to make your own decisions. If nothing else, please get the help for the depression, trust me it usually won't go away on its own, and it will get worse. But there is help for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): your situation sounds like that avril lavigne song "I'm with you". I'm thirty years old and i feel the same way. I went through a failed marriage, my ex abandoned me with an infant, an apartmet with its bill and unemployed. I went through emotional and mental abuse of the worse kind. Private and public humilliations, you name it. Later, my father died tragically, yet my ex continued with his torture following my pain with a divorce. I went though tears of hell. The ex is gone with another woman whom he united to mock me. I was beaten down to the floor and some how I haven't been able to pick up the broken peices. I feel terribly lonely. I feel hopeless and every morning is a drag. Oh god forgive me, but many times I tried to combat the thoughts of ending it all. It's been a daily struggle. I am bitter, tired and just plain angry because I haven't been able to see the light. I am in complete silence, life is black and white, all i see is a gray blog. So don't feel bad. Others have it worse or the same as you. I feel as if i'm running in circles with out rest or able to jump off. I just pray for people like us. I pray for our salvation. I see others who are slightly happier and I wish I could just switch lives, or I would think back when everything was beautiful and wish to reverse time but i can't.
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A
male
reader, Wreck +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Wheres your mom? ... , same thing with me my mother split from my dad and even though I see him once every 2 years he hardly shows me love .. I think if this man loves me then why doesn't he quit doing drugs , and start actually acting like he cares about me and my brother. My mom on the other side is the one that has always been here for me trough thick and thin but she has showed me to be strong even if I have no father and to tell you the truth I still think about it like damn I have no dad but you know what? You cant let that ruin your life your still young and you have alot of great things ahead of you ... I know its hard being alone but I encourage you just do good in school think about the long run your not going to be lonely for ever your going to eventually find a man who loves you and is going to want to spend his future with you , you just have to be patient and strong be ambitious think about your future what you want to be you can be anything you want. You have to be strong keep your head up NO MATTER WHAT. Theres other people who have it worse I have a freind whos a girl whos mom and dad left her and yet she was so strong she got a job still went to school and had her own little place with her sister who was only 18 and she was 17 I know what your thinking atleast she has someone who was there for her but thats not the point look she had to drop out of school and she kept on working just so she will have a place to stay .. and now your thinking so what? ... The point is she was strong enough to keep going and not give up no matter how rough the path got.. she knew that one day she would become something and you wont believe where shes at right now.. she finally found some guy to love her and shes making her future. Dont give up you gotta keep your self esteem high you sound like a caring person.. its going to be a lucky guy who ever has you in there hands because you sound like someone who can commit to a man and be there for him no matter what... dont give up... dont do it. you gotta keep moving you gotta get your education find your self a job keep your self busy.
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A
male
reader, dan026 +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Tough situation. You really need to speak to someone live who is a professional in mental health. It appears that your confidence is so low that there is no quick answer to help you. You really need to speak with your dad and let him know how badly this situarion is hurting you. As a young father myself (she is only 5), if my daughter came to me years from now and told me what you just wrote I would probably cry (and I am not a crier). I would definately do all I could to change the way you feel, even if it meant leaving my girlfriend. Kids come first, your father needs to know how you feel! Please talk to him before you allow a man to use you.
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