A
female
age
41-50,
*odkablue
writes:hi i need help.i feel so lonely all the time ive just come out of a very bad relationship and my self esteem is zilch-to be honest ive never had much im always so hard on myself , negative critical.i have only 1 good friend-that sounds terrible. i spend all day at work listening to colleagues chatting with friends, on the phone to their partners, listening to people talking about getting married etc and i just feel these pangs of jeleousy because then when i finish work i go home and its just me. everyone else seems to have perfect lives. i just wish i could have confidence and feel good and have some friends etc. i feel so low please help
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at work, confidence, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Vivekkul  +, writes (2 March 2011):
dissolve your self in someones love You will not feel loanlyvivek Kulkarni (INDIA)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): I am 40 yrs old and also feel that I really only have one friend, my self esteem is very, very low and I feel really uncomfortable to talk around anyone. I even feel that my one friend would rather be hangin out with someone besides me most of the time. How can I begin to feel that I am okay? If anyone has any thoughts on my problem(or just want to be my friend) please give me some suggestions....
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A
female
reader, bambi1980 +, writes (18 July 2009):
 Hi,
Reading your question felt like reading about myself. I too only have one good friend and that relationship is a bit flimsy at the moment. I have just split up with someone and although it wasn't an abusive relationship and didn't end badly I am now feeling lonely and in need of genuine friends and people to go out with. I too feel envious of others and it seems like I am the only person in the world who isn't married or happy. I think people have given some really good advice and I too will be taking up some of this. If you ever want to speak drop me an email. Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 You need not to be so alone so much. I know you are hurting. Find a hobby and engross yourself into it. Mine was music and I make many friends from this.
there must be something you are interested in. You do not sound healthy alone. People will always talk about things they are exicited about - their upcoming weddings, birth of their child. You time will come.
Keep positiive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Hi first I am sorry you are feeling like this. Realize that no one has a perfect life, we all lose people we love, we have dissappointments, ill health, financial worries, and get our feelings hurt.
I have some recommendations: First, stop comparing yourself to others. Next start doing some volunteer work of some kind, maybe work with needy or special needs children. Think about what things are lacking in your life and work on fulfilling those things for yourself.
If you want more freinds, you have to show an interest in other people's lives and show genuine concern and happiness for them, in short you have to be a frieind to have a friend.
Most people only have one or two really true, close friends, so you are not unusual there. Other friends are people you know and like, but they are not close in your daily life or love you unconditionally, those freinds are precious and rare.
If you don't like going home alone, then start getting involved in a hobby, a class or an activity where you can see some of the same people on a repeated basis. You will find friends with some common interests.
Just get out there
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Probably the easiest way for you to gain confidence is just to fake it. Pretend like you're the greatest thing since sliced bread and people will want to be around you more. Believe me, it works!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Hi.
I've been in a similar situation to you in that I've been rock bottom after coming out of a relationship. I remember at the time it felt like my whole world had come crashing in around me and I felt physically and emotionally sick, not to mention the low self esteem (he said he didn't fancy me any more). I'm over it now though and I can honestly say that all those people at the time who said one day you'll realise you're better off without him, were SO right!
It doesn't sound bad at all that you only have 1 true friend...it's more real and genuine a friendship I bet than any of those colleagues you hear chatting to their 'numerous' friends. Some people only have to see someone at the bus stop everyday and they become their 'friend'. You're just a genuine person who forms friendships on a deep level which is how it should be. If you would like to be a little more social though, think of an interest you have or would like to have and just bite the bullet and do a college course or if that sounds too scary, chat on line and that will enhance your communication skills in the interim. Maybe ask your friend to introduce you to some of her/his friends and if you see them for a while, you might start to mix in a broader circle and accept invitations out.
With regards feeling jealous...that's human nature! We all want we haven't got. However, you should remember that goes for eveyone! Have you ever thought that people might be looking at you who are pretending to be in a really happy relationship, or who are marrying for the wrong reasons, and they might be thinking 'I wish I was independant like she is and had the chance to start over with a new guy, someone who loves and cares for me!'? Believe me, not all, but some of them will be thinking that! Whenever I've confessed to relationship, financial, emotional problems in the past to friends or family, they've opened up and and told me about their problems. It's unbelieveable how many people out there who seemingly have it all, are unhappy in some way themselves.
You look in the mirror every morning and say these words 'I am beautiful, I am happy with who I am and I am going to have a good day today' and SMILE back at yourself!!!
Be happy x
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A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Hey there!
I've been where you are now and have two bits of advice really:
1 Make the effort to go out more -after work for a drink maybe or just start talking to people more-join a club etc -it's the usual stuff vodka.
2 You're feeling sorry for yourself and need to pull yourself out of it. When you do,you'll find you can do more of the above and gain confidence. If you feel you can't do it alone, then speak to your GP for help..
take care
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 I'm sorry you feel that way. I was never lucky in the love department and hearing my friends all getting married and comparing their lives with mine, I, too got extremely jealous and sorry for myself.
If you can, try to mingle with some co-workers? Try to make some more friends and strike up a conversation? And in terms of stuff outside of work, how about a hobby? If you like to read, join a book club? If you like to paint, take up a class. I'm sure you'll find lots of people to talk about the same passions you like.
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