A
male
age
51-59,
stevegoldsmith
writes:Hi I feel so alone knowing my partner loves another.She does not know that I am aware of this relationship as one of her friends told me and says she would leave in an instant for him.Our relationship has been rocky but good in places. We have been together on and off through our lives and now looks as though it’s about to end...again.I feel it is my fault and have not always given her as much attention as she deserves, and want to do the right thing.Steve Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, q1605  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 I lean towards the dump her category but lexilou has some good insight. You are afraid to tell her you know what is going on because you feel it will prompt her to leave. You fear she is looking for a reason to leave and you don't want to give her one. Men are falling into the same trap that women are climbing out of. That of silently waiting while they play the victim or martyr. If you continue to do nothing this will sap your energy and self-esteem until salvaging your marriage is no longer a choice. If you love her and feel you can truly forgive her she needs to know this. She feels an incredible amount of guilt and she will express this as hostility towards you. Her lover is who she gravitates to because he accepts her and he obviously knows what she is doing. For her to admit she is cheating is to give up her power in the relationship because her facade of fidelity is what enables her to be bold and reckless. You must confront her with this knowledge and assure her that nothing she has done will affect your love for her. And if she will not open up to you and be honest and work with you on fixing your marriage be ready to cut her lose. It's not a negotiation. It's not lets make a deal. She will stop the affair and she will devote the time it will take to repair your union or she must go. Now and forever. Don't let her think it over don't let her talk with her lover. She makes a decision and you will be there with her as her husband or she must leave.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): It seems you are scared to lose her so are keeping this torment to yourself. It will eat you up so you need to do one of two things. Walk away from her yourself - effectively calling her bluff (you never know it may shock her into seeing what she is ruining) or you confront her calmly and ask her for the truth - she owes you that much. You cannot be a doormat - its just not going to do you any good. I hope you can generate the strength to take some action.
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A
female
reader, lexilou + ♥, writes (14 May 2008):
 You have two options - confront her or keep it quiet. If you confront her it could mean the end but if she was so desperate to leave you for him why hasnt she?? Even though you deserve to know most women's friend would not tell the partner so i wonder at her motives. Alternatively start showering her with the attention she deserves and make your relationship fun and loving again and this may blow over and get you back on track. Good luck x
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