A
female
age
36-40,
*aura1corinth13
writes:My question is, does my ex secretly want me back? My ex and I had a very close relationship off and on for about 5 years. At one point we were living together and engaged but the relationship ended on account of some growing up and dealing with personal problems on both of our parts. He and I have been seperated now for a litte over a year. I am pregnant with my second child, not his. The child's father tragically passed away. Recently my ex called me and started coming over and spending time with me. He now calls me everyday and does little things to help me out. Thing is, he still has not gotten over some of the past problems in our relationship, he also keeps bringing up the baby on the way, and how he wishes that it was his; and if it was things would be different. He will tell me he is lonely but then turns around and tells me about girls that have asked him out on dates. He also, constantly tells me, "we are just friends, dont get your hopes up" or things like, "if only things were different you would not have lost me". Does he secretly want me back? Or is he just looking for a friend?
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female
reader, laura1corinth13 +, writes (14 May 2008):
laura1corinth13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your insight. Sometimes it is hard for a person to see the bigger picture of things when they are actually in the situation. I believe he is holding a grudge, he says he forgives me but bringing it up contradicts that, obviously. To clarify what he "forgives" me for: I had a drinking problem for a spell and was not bringing much of a healthy balance to the relationship at one point in time. I selfishly sabatoged our relationship. I am sure there is no need to go into details. I never cheated though, just a lot of arguments, and loss of priorities in life.What I dont understand though, is why call me everyday? Why come visit now, out of the blue? Why want to be my friend now? He will call me and ask, "whats for dinner"? or come over and treat the situation as if nothing has happened, yet, when I start to bring up the whole, "what do you want from this" question. He clearly states, "I care about you a lot, and if you were pregnant with my baby it would be different" Maybe I should just cut him off and go back to us not talking? I care for him deeply but I dont need these confusing messages right now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): That is interesting. On the one hand he is coming over a lot and wishing the baby was his, but then he says something that sounds like he blames you for the breakup and that you lost your only shot with him kind of feeling. I would say, feeling are definatly there. He wants to be around you and it wouldn'r suprise me if he even started flirting, but he sounds like he is holding a grude from the past, so make sure that gets out in the open BEFORE anything else starts up.
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A
male
reader, gayuncleandy  +, writes (14 May 2008):
 Ask him. This is not a healthy friendship relationship because of the conflicting messages he is sending and because you are letting him. Tell him about your confusion and ask about his intentions and needs. It sounds like the question might be do you want him back? Maybe seeing him as a friend is a way for you both not to move on. It is hard to ascertain the dynamics of the relationship through this text, you could spend some time with him with mutual friends, a way to get away from his dropping 'those' comments and a way to get your friends' feedback.
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