A
female
age
,
*oxie
writes:The floor fell out from under my feet when after two years of what I thought was a good relationship my boyfriend told me that he was seeing my close girlfriend ( I believe he put it as a “midlife” crisis). It suddenly made sense why she had been asking me so many questions about Bob and our relationship. Bob is forty-eight and she is thirty-six, which in his own words an ego-trip for him. I am Bob’s age and have no trouble being dateable if that would be what I want but ….. Cindy, who I have tried to mentor in the past, has had a drug issue and numerous affairs with men and as a result has a sexually transmitted disease (which makes it impossible in Bob’s eyes for there to be anything physical between them – and knowing Bob’s character, I believe him). She is getting help and told my boyfriend that she just wanted a “friend/maybe someday lover relationship”.After not seeing each other for a period of time, Bob told me he loved me and couldn’t forget me but wanted to be emotionally supportive of her. So, I accepted their friendship for awhile even though needless to say, she and I have lost our friendship.But after time I came to be aware that I love him way too much and hurt over the fact that he continues to tell me that he wants us to be old together but still has the “attraction that he doesn’t understand for her”. She thinks that we are not seeing each other and because of the “friendship circle” of all of our friends that don’t support my continuing to let Bob hurt me, Bob and I agreed to keep our relationship a secret from the world until we knew exactly what we wanted (why hear the “I told you so”s?) Bob continues to lie to me and to her (because as he says -he doesn’t want to hurt either one of us and feels caught in between a cat fight). I know that the whole situation is very unhealthy and I ask myself why I still love him, but inexplicably I have fallen hard. I finally told him that I couldn’t hurt any longer and that by making his choices he has made mine. He asked me for a week’s grace period for him to have time to tell her that he is still in love with me. I told him that after that time, if he didn’t tell her I would. The reason? I feel resentment toward them both…Her because of the deception and the fact that she tells Bob all the reasons why I’m bad for him. Him because I know in my heart he loves me but not enough. I know Bob won’t “ step-up”, the relationship is over. I need closure. She has told Bob that if he sees me it will be over with her. I hurt so much…. why should I let him be able to still look good in her eyes. I know it’s immature of me to want to strike back To have her hurt like I was when she went behind my back and asked him out in the first place? Should I let it go and walk away?
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female
reader, roxie +, writes (23 January 2007):
roxie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers, I know I need to let go, I just need the strength to face the lonliness...and try to find my happiness. I'm soo scared because I'm older and don't see many prospects out there. I hate bars, need a job, can't use my degree, yada yada I think that adds to my unhappiness.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): You said it yourself... it's wrong, it's immature. Do you like the hurt? You must if you continue to subject yourself to it. Deep down you know what the truth is, inspite of his lies, just face it and move on. He wants you both because he's had and will continue to have you both. He made that decision because it was best for him and his ego. When are you going to make a decision which is best for you?
The greatest revenge is happiness. Once you grow up and get into a mature adult relationship where you are truly happy, love and are loved... they will be stuck, probably in another love triangle, and he could even possibly hurt her more by cheating on her with, or dropping her for, someone else.
ADVICE: Let it go!
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (22 January 2007):
 hello roxie
just let bob go you are too good a woman for him anyway. i think bob and cindy deserve each other they are selfish and full of deception u dont need people like that in your life.
about closure? well u need to give yourself that in order to move on bob is enjoying two women's attention right now which puts his ego above the limit, idiotic? i know all that, thats why he wont give u that closure, find it in your heart to forgive yourself for falling inlove with such a deceitful creature called bob and befriending such a backstabbing creature called cindy its not your fault is the way life goes. who said its fair anyway?. this is the best closure you can get under the circumstances.
just tell yourself you tried and its time to let go, it will hurt a while but knowing u have taken control back into your life it will be most satisfactory feeling u have ever felt in years.
good luck
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A
male
reader, Dr William Hall  +, writes (22 January 2007):
 Take the big step over the abyss and walk away from this nonsense,the situation can never be resolved fully and will continue to be an emotional drain ,life is too short to be mixed up like this ,go,,,,leave.....find your true happiness
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