A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my husband 4 years ago and have been living apart since then. I have no desire to with him anymore, yet I can't bring myself to file for divorce. Everytime I think of doing it, I just feel sick and horrible inside. Yet I know I do not love him anymore, we both want different things out of life, and the spark has been gone for many years. So what is my problem? He does not want us to get divorce. He thinks I am just going through some kind of mid-life crisis and will eventually change my mind but we've been through counseling and this does not appear to be a "phase" (besides, wouldn't it be over with by now if so?) I know it's time to move on but I feel absolutely paralyzed. I'm so afraid of making a mistake. I can't imagine going back to him...and yet oddly enough, I can't imagine spending my life without him. I don't understand what's going on with me. I rarely have contact with him anymore. We sometimes go months without even talking, so why do I find it so difficult to file for divorce and close the door?.....I need help!! I can't keep living in limbo, but I can't find the strength to move on.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Maybe it's because your ex is familiar? Maybe the idea of dating someone else (starting from scratch) is scaring you so much that you don't want to cut the cord! You say you aren't in love with him any more and don't want to go back to him, but perhaps you're not as opposed to the idea of trying again as you think?
Why doesn't he want the divorce? Who initiated the separation? Maybe it's because you still love him (different from being In Love)..I think it would help you to write all your feelings down, don't think about what you're going to write, just let the feelings out and maybe you'll discover your true feelings about this situation.
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