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age
30-35,
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writes: My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago, over the phone. It was a somewhat mutual breakup once I found out who he was. Our morals and lifestyles are far too different to make a serious relationship work (he is a serious partier, smoker and occasional ecstasy user; I'm a church-goer and only a social drinker)and he'd been trying to hide it from me.Our relationship was fairly happy, and the break up was out of the blue. I know it wouldn't have worked out long term and I know I need someone better suited to me. However, I was FINALLY feeling really happy for once and spent a ton of my time with him. I felt like I had a life. It has been a struggle for me.We go to the same university and have run into each other twice; we just smile awkwardly and move on our way. However, his friends still talk to me (we didn't have mutual friends; i just got close to his friends) and he approached my roommate and asked how I was doing. He said he realized eventually it wouldn't work out and he didn't want to change. He said he felt bad about how it ended and wanted to talk to me but was afraid of how would react and didn't want me to cry.Im frustrated because I didn't get closure. All of his friends talk to me still and he talks to my friends, but we can't seem to talk to each other. I know he wants to talk too. I feel like I lost a friend. I just don't know what to do and really miss him. I don't sit around and cry as much. I exercise daily, go to class, work and reach out to my friends. I'm just trying to keep busy but when things get hard, I just want the security I felt having him back.
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broke up, move on, roommate, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2013): He takes ecstasy, hes got probs. Find somebody decent who you will be more happy with.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 He does not acknowledge you because you have no relationship with you.
He's an ex boyfriend. he does not need to nor should he acknowledge your existence.... he's over and done.
he is not the reason you exist. He's the reason you are hurting.
talking to him will not help you define yourself.
maybe working with a counselor for a bit will help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the help. We have had no contact whatsoever sonce we broke up.I don't know what I would gain from the closure because I don't feel strong enough to talk to him about it but I do just wish I could see him and talk to him. I sort of feel like he doesn't acknowledge my existence and I'm struggling to define myself without him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2013):
it's only been a month... keep doing what you are doing and you will meet someone better suited to you.
You say you don't have closure... but what would you like as closure?
what do you want to do? rehash why it won't work? berate him for not wanting to change... feel guilty for not accepting him where he is?
WHAT CLOSURE do you want/need? what will it provide?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): If it's any comfort he still loves you and misses you but the important thing is he told you straight out that he is not going to change for you. So maintain the distance and no contact. Start seeing other guys as friends and keep busy, you will move on and be happy, just not with him.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 You need to develop more independence and by doing so you wont rely on men emotionally. Undertake more responsibilities even go out alone more. This guy even if he fills a void for the long term would not work due to differences.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 If you want to move on from him sooner you need to go no contact, not even to say you are doing okay. You go to church so you will understand that security is within you. You are never alone. Just hang in there and you will get used to being single again.
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