A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel so lost. After my working week, there is nothing to do. I spend weekend working in my 2nd job and cleaning and preparing for next week. This cycle continues week in and week out. I did go away last weekend with friends but why have I just gone back to feeling depressed again. Surely one outing should keep me going for months. Why do I feel depressed again on my days off. I filled up my days with work to prevent this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2022): If you feel this is too long, read other posts instead; but this is a very good topic of discussion. We can all relate to it, myself in particular.
Your spirit is thirsty and starving for nourishment. You feel empty when you don't feed the soul; and you'll feel depressed when you have no spiritual-enlightenment or refreshment. I am a Christian, and my advice might be unorthodox in today's technological climate; but you have a mind/soul, body, and spirit. They all need attention and regular maintenance; because a human being is a very complicated and complex creature.
Physical-recreation and exercise is made easily accessible. It's the 21st-century! Despite covid-restrictions, life goes on. Naysayers and cynics always find excuses for their doom and gloom no matter what. C'est la vie! You'll learn to improvise and substitute for whatever you can't have or do. That's what we call human-innovation and creativity. You can join a gym, jog, cycle, play sports, swim, or take a dance class. Learn to cook, paint, speak another language, or volunteer time to help the less fortunate.
If you're introverted, you can't live life entirely secluded or boxed-in. You'll miss-out on life; because you're too busy hiding-out to avoid human-contact. It's okay, and healthy, to like privacy and me-time; but nature designed human beings to be social creatures. Independence is also an inherent human trait. Yet we tend to fight our purest natural-proclivities; either because of fear, or trust-issues. It's hard to be yourself around other people. We're also spoiled by convenience. Expecting to live life painlessly and without challenges. I mean, for real?!!! Suffering, pain, disappointment, and loss are what makes us appreciate love, healing, reward, joy, good-fortune, and success. With nothing to compare it to, how will you know when you are happy? Heaven, perfection, immortality, and the absence of pain comes in the afterlife; reality as we know it has all of the above discomforts.
You're not oblivious to what fun and play are. You can create yourself your own home gym in a corner of your apartment or house. You know how to read and write. Use it! You might need to expand your social-life by dating, if you are single. You don't always have to seek a long-term romantic-commitment; you can still date for fun and companionship. Sooner or later, you will feel a need to settle-down. That's natural, and you should fulfill that need. Love does not happen on-demand, or at the push of a button. Timing and destiny sets the course and series of events that will bring us towards our life-goals and human desires. God presets or controls our destiny. We have free choice of our beliefs and actions. Love will find you, whether you search for it or not. People get impatient in this area; but we're not always ready and worthy of it, just because we demand or want it. We're human! Naturally greedy, impatient, selfish, and entitled. Been there, and done that too! Will be working on it for the rest of my life!
You've mentioned nothing about being in a romantic-relationship, or if you even date. Make friends with both genders. Maintain your own values and principles; and when in good-company, go with the flow. Don't feel dejected, or put-off; because some people don't like or reject you.
You may need a hobby for intellectual and creative stimulation. If you are a one-dimensional person, and pursue no interests outside of work; of course you'll get overburdened, complacent, and depressed by the relentless routine. You'll become a slave to habit. Your activities go no further than from home to work; then from work back to home. You're not only depressed, you're bored; and lack a sense of experimentation and exploration. Just because you work two jobs doesn't mean you're not lazy. Lazy in the sense that you don't seek anything that lifts the spirit, or enriches your life; beyond being able to pay the bills. Is that all life means to you? Your only in your 20's!!! Dude, you've got another 60 or so years to go! You are very fortunate to be so young! There's much life to look forward to! Count your blessings of decent health, youth, and a reasonably sound mind. You've yet to discover your fullest potential!
We were created to reach for something larger and more powerful than ourselves. God programmed human beings to seek Him and to worship Him. When in darkness, we naturally search for the light. Our spirits are tied to His; because we were created in His image. These soul-ties will crave something to give us joy; and a thirst for divine-love. Even when we are strong, we have an innate insecurity; meaning a need for validation, a sense of security, and a craving for approval. He is the source and the only spiritual means of satisfying those needs. Earned without merit, and given in endless-supply. You may have had some exposure to some form of faith as a child; but most people abandon those beliefs by the time we reach high school or college. We become a part of modern society; and start to reject anything we deem "religious," and tells us certain things we consider fun to be "sin." Hence, God and Jesus become myths. People who follow such nonsense are crazy. Then where or how do we satisfy that emptiness, hopelessness, and craving for divine-nourishment? Some turn to making money; making lots and lots of money! Been there, and done that! Why do wealthy and successful beautiful-people still get depressed to the point of committing suicide? Their souls are dark and their spirit is empty. Nothing can replace a need for God's love. With His love comes everything else your spirit requires.
Sometimes we turn to idols. We worship celebrities, athletes, wealth, and political figures. We develop an undying devotion to popular or talented human beings to the point of fanaticism. These human-idols don't have a clue (or care) who their fans are as individuals; but like to know there are people who idolize and worship them. They're getting plenty of narcissistic-supply, but what do their fans get in return? I mean in a tangible sense. NOTHING! They'll devote their time, energy, and money following these people; buying tickets for their live-performances, or appearances. Yet at the end of the day, it's pretty lopsided. Their idols get richer and richer; and all they get to do is worship them. No, I have never done that; and I never will!!! They poop, and have all of the same biological-processes as we all do; and then they die. They need true-love, and discover money and fame does not guarantee you'll get it. Fan-love is not true-love. Followers and admirers don't satisfy our need for one-on-one love and devotion.
There is enrichment of the spirit and food for the soul in meditation and prayer. You pray to God, not just sit in some pose. Attending a place of worship from time to time, if not frequently; places you in fellowship with kinder people. Oh, give me a break about all these anecdotal horror-stories about church-people. The key word is, they are "people!" It's not God's fault when people hurt or betray each-other. People are people, no matter what lovely labels they tag themselves with.
Self-righteous religious-fanatics or bible-thumpers do not speak for or represent all Christians and godly people. Many people fear true people of God (or feel uncomfortable in their presence); because they make them feel bad about not living right, or provoke an uneasiness within them for not showing compassion and kindness towards others. They arouse a discomfort in the darkness that hides within their souls. That's because the soul wants to do what's right; but the flesh just wants pleasure at any cost. Even at the cost of your life! Yeah, you'll find jerks and mean-people everywhere; including on the front pew of a church, or standing behind the pulpit. Yet funny how that doesn't stop anybody from going out to nightclubs full of drunks, parties full of snobs and creeps, or other places we go in pursuit of entertainment. Which is where you'll still find people with opposing opinions and hostility towards you. Yet people of faith are the enemy? Seriously?!! You can't find not one good-one? Get outta here!!! That's prejudice and hatefulness, just looking for an excuse to discriminate against us. People can be empty and mean; because they have nothing inside to light-up the darkness.
If you are an unbeliever, and find the belief in God and Jesus just a bunch of unscientific-nonsense; then you are still left searching for fulfillment. Keep searching! There is a void that needs to be filled; and you'll try all sorts of things, but there may still be a hole left in your soul. I know, because that's what I used to feel. I had lovers, was hellbent on success, made a lot of money, tried to collect a lot of friends, traveled; but still felt emptiness. I was raised in a home of faith, but left it behind when I went away to college. I did everything the usual freshman does away from home for the first time. Never made drugs a part of my life, but tried drinking. I don't like the person I become when intoxicated. I'll drink a good wine now and then; but my days of overindulgence was left behind.
Now I choose to be around people with purpose. Full of kindness and generosity. The kind of people who have convictions when it comes to standing-up for what's right. You don't hate the sinner, you hate the sin. You love and show compassion for others, who are also made in God's image; but if they do things against your principles and beliefs, leave them alone. Pray for them. You can't cram your beliefs down anyone's throat, and that is the mistake too many Christians make. They become little demigods and go around judging and condemning others; taking God's place, and wielding their almighty self-righteousness all over the place. That turns people sour on God, and they'll avoid seeking Him for His love, blessing, and comfort. He's not a genie, He's sovereign, unmatched in power, and has the first and last word in everything. Belief or don't, He'll deal with that in His own way. Not my business.
Give this some thought, and incorporate every other suggestion you read in these posts. In combination, they will all give you purpose and enrichment. It will lift your spirits, give you direction, and will feed the emptiness that seems impossible to fill; because there is a part of being human that needs God.
If you wish to ignore or rebuke all that I've suggested; it won't hurt my feelings. It won't hurt or change any of my beliefs. God gives us a choice; and who am I to interfere with what others want to believe or not believe. I just want to share what has changed my life, and made it better. I still have problems, sadness and disappointment; but I don't lose hope or feel helpless through life. Jesus carries me when I'm to weak to walk or fight; and I sense His love when I'm down. That's all I can say. Take it or leave it. I wish you the best!
My opinions are my own, they do not reflect or represent the beliefs of Dear Cupid. This is long, but it's up to you if you want to read it. Thanks for taking the time if you did.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 January 2022):
 This happens when people don't set goals, feel they don't have a purpose in life, are not fulfilled, and have little responsibility.
You are floundering.
What are your goals? For the next year, next 5?
Are they realistic?
How do you plan to achieve such goals?
How can you better yourself? Emotionally, physically and intellectually.
Go to the gym, learn a new skill or hobby. Take some online classes that can help you achieve your goals. Learn to meditate. Volunteer. Travel. (whenever that is really possible again). Don't stagnate in life. Challenge yourself.
It's NICE to have a weekend away with friends but life is about more than "fun". You are in your late 20's. What have you accomplished?
The only person RESPONSIBLE for YOUR happiness - is you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2022): Uh ? No.Why should ONE outing keep you going for months ? I am not saying that only social butterflies can feel happy and fulfilled, not at all- but there must be balance between work and play, duty and leisure.Possibly also between time alone and time spent among people. Now, if you have to hold 2 jobs and work all these hours because of finances, i.e. if you don't you cannot keep afloat and pay your bills, ok- then you have no choice as of now ,so just grin and bear as best as you can. But filling up all your time off because " there's nothing to do "???that to me, sound like blasphemy , there are tons of things you can do , also by yourself if your friends have other plana. Things to cultivate your mind, spirit and body. You can always read, for f..k's sake ! You can listen to music, even better learn to play an instrument. You can learn a language, or some new skill. You can cook- you can draw, you can paint.You can exercise, go for walks, take up a sport, attend a gym. You can volunteer and help other people to be happier, or less unhappy...I could go on and on, but my point is - happiness, and a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment, seldom just fall in your lap .You build it, one little brick at the time. You start small with one first little move, one little change in your routine...and you go on from there. But if you do nothing and change nothing, and just keep navel gazing and complaining how everything is boring and lame, ...it can only stay the same.Or maybe go worse.
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