A
female
age
26-29,
*lgardner1
writes:I am 21 and I have never been in a relationship. (I've never been kissed either.) it seems like men have never been attracted to me. I've lost about 60 pounds in the past year and I've gained a lot of confidence. However, I never get asked out and I feel ugly sometimes. I personally hate being single and hate when people tell me to enjoy being single since I've been single all my life. I don't know what to do. I feel lonely all the time. Does this make me desperate to simply want a relationship?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 November 2016):
 No off course it does not make you desperate you want to share your life with someone nothing wrong with that. However it does sound like you are waiting around for someone to come and find you. If you sit waiting then you could be waiting a long time. Get yourself out there. Talk to men, ask them out, get to know them. Be upfront. Make sure you don't rush in to anything and simply enjoy your new confidence.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 November 2016):
 I think you're wanting a relationship for the wrong reason. I'm 25 and never had a gf and I don't feel the way you do. I just keep myself busy with work, gym and hanging out with friends. If I meet someone in the mean time, great. But I'd never sit myself down moping over being single, that's just not healthy.
Sounds like you need more things to do with your time if you're able to feel lonely it sounds like you don't have much interaction with others? Could you join a club or something to meet like minded people?
21 is a very young age. I don't think it ever even entered my head wondering why I didn't have a girlfriend at that age. Seriously, these are the best years of your life, you'll never get this freedom and the opportunities to go out and do whatever you want when you're older, so get out there with your friends and live your life, stop worrying that you're single or I think it does give off a vibe of desperation like you try to cling onto anyone that gives you a glimmer of attention.
You will find someone, just relax! You're so, so young. Just concentrate on living your life and enjoying yourself and someone will come along when you don't expect it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2016): Oh sweetie. Don't be so hard on yourself. I went to an all girls high school and did not kiss a guy until I met my first boyfriend. I was in my mid 20's. I ended up marrying him. He was and is my first and only. Some of us are late bloomers. And that is just fine. I felt like I was missing out too. I had, like you, also lost a lot of weight. And I met guys. Who were jerks. Lots of them out there looking for sex. Know your worth. Never settle because you want a relationship or your first kiss. The right guy will come around, you will see. He just hasn't arrived in your life just yet. But he is out there. And your paths will someday cross. In the meantime, get busy loving yourself and treating yourself right. Keep nurturing that confidence. Men are attracted to women who are confident and have their own lives and interests. What are your interests? Maybe you can join groups or go to events with like minded people? So, if you have a passion, you are likely to find people who share that passion and you can be drawn to each other through common interests? Can you join a gym or dance classes? Cooking classes? A sport? There are so many activities out there to keep you busy. So, you will be busy cultivating yourself and your own interests and won't feel so down. You will be happy that you are doing new things and hopefully learning new things too. And in the course of bettering yourself and your life, that guy will come along. But if you keep thinking negatively, this radiates from you and others will not gravitate towards you. A happy woman attracts men. One who is happy and whole and pleased with her life as is. You do not need a man to complete you or make you worthy. You need to find this within yourself. And once you do, you will be able to share your life with someone else. They will be icing on your cake, not the whole cake. After all, you've already got that covered. I would also go for a total makeover. Take a new course. Get a new hairstyle. Travel. You are young and single and free. Enjoy all these free time. Life gets in the way when you get older and get married and have kids. Many people would envy this time in your life when you have the whole future at your feet. Make good use of it. Trust me, when you are married, you will wonder after a few years why you even bothered! LOL But I would say focus on your career goals right now. Being financially stable and successful is so important. Take care of this. Do something which you love as a career. Men are not the be all and end all. Women can exist without them and have happy lives too. Do not define yourself by whether or not you have a man. Do not link your happiness to not being in a relationship. Just accept what is. And enjoy your life as is in the meantime.
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