A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I feel really awkward about this, but I need answers before I go insane. I started dating my best friend, we've been together 8 months, before I started dating him I had a craaazy sex drive, always have had. By anyones standards, the sex is great, y'know, he's ... skilled enough haha, but I never orgasm, ever, no matter what I do. I kind of got put off of sex with him because of this, and we went around 5 months without any sex, (he's a saint for putting up with me), I just don't ever think about sex with him. I decided to start... y'know, masturbating again and I feel really guilty because now that we're having sex again it's kind of like I'm just there, not enjoying it and we're having sex purely for him.1. I feel guilty for masturbating in a relationship, is it wrong?2. How can I get over this issue with my boyfriend?
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best friend, orgasm, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (19 June 2014):
 Is he giving you foreplay? If there is no desire to have sex, it's certainly no fun and it can be dry and painful.
A way to address the problem would be to self-stimulate (or masturbate) during sex with your boyfriend. Practise using different positions that make it possible. I don't know what you mean about him being 'skilled enough', but he doesn't know how to bring you to orgasm so he isn't skilled to your individual needs. Find out what they are, if you don't already know, and share them with him. Both of you are responsible for improving your sex life, and it starts with communication. Doesn't have to be a heavy conversation, but giving him a little direction when you're in bed, for example.
And no, there's nothing wrong with masturbating in a relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2014): You've got some kind of mental block with this bloke. He's friend material rather than boyfriend material I reckon. It's not wrong to masturbate while in a relationship. Sexually you two are not a match, so eventually you will want someone else.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 June 2014):
 Have you tried showing him how you reach orgasm so he knows?
When you say 'sex' do you mean penis-in-vagina intercourse? Because if that is what you mean then you should also know that the majority of women do not reach orgasm through intercourse...
Most women need what most men need, the stimulation of their primary pleasure center.
Imagine what would happen if men had to try to reach orgasm by having only their balls stimulated. They'd be wondering WTF? Why isn't she paying any attention to the REAL DEAL, my man, my penis?
So, you need to introduce him to your REAL DEAL, your pleasure center, wherever that resides.
You are not broken. He is probably very badly informed as to what really turns a woman on, if he's watching the porn that's out there....
Stop feeling guilty, start empowering yourself and give him the benefit of letting him know what turns you on.
I mean, he would have shown you what feels good, no? If you'd been playing around in an area that didn't get him there? He'd have moved your hand or put his hand to where it needed to be.
Woman up, be brave, show him what he needs to know about YOUR sexual response and stop being chicken.
Do you want a lifetime of that kind of sex? Hm? No? Then it's time to start communicating and showing what you like, need and want.
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