A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Ive always had issues with my sexuality - I can remeber having crushes on girls since the age of 9, and then developing feeling for boys later on when i was about 12. I've always fancied boys and girls since then and went all the way through high school being bullied because of it. Towards the end of high school I started to come to terms with my sexuality and admitted to myself I was bisexual. I've had relationships with both males and females. I am comfortable with my sexuality and have got past the point where I thoguht it was somrthing to be ashamed off. Neither of my parents have a problem with it and have treated my ex boyfriends and girlfriends in the same way. But I've always felt that "bisexuality" wasn't quite it though - I've probably felt there was "something else" there from about the age of 14, though have never been able to put my finger on it. I'm very girly and feminine on the outside. I have a very womanly figure, but since about 14 I've had these feelings inside where I feel like I am a boy. I want to dress like a boy and act like a boy. I don't want a sex change, so I know I'm not transgender. But I've been doing a lot of thinking about it all lately, exploring my sexuality in different ways, and have realised I feel sexier, comfier and more confident as a boy. When I cut my hair short I feel better - right now I've got it very short, almost like agnyss deyn. When I dress in masculine clothes I feel sexier. And whats worse, I develop feelings for gay men. This is just going to sound so bizarre - trust me I've thought about it so much, I know how strange it all sounds. But I think I am a gay man in a womans body. Who do I talk to about this? Is there therapy for people like me? I'm not transgender but I defo think I ma developing issues with my gender. Thing is, nobody would ever suspect it if they saw me and I feel that because of this I cant talk about it to my friends. I'm the "girly girl" of the group. Please help. I'm 19, almost 20 by the way.
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (14 May 2008):
 And I forgot to mention...
Many "straight" men have fantasies about lesbians. It's different, certainly, but it's not THAT different.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Well, sometimes I feel like that too...but usually I'm quite girly.
Really I just figure it's because of my wanting to feel like the dominant one in my female-female relationships.
Why don't you try to find some transsexuals, and talk to them about it?
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (14 May 2008):
I don't think you are so unusual, although I can fully understand why it might be confusing. You sound as though you are coping with it remarkably well.
Look, there are lots of people whose gender isn't defined by the sexual characteristics of their bodies. More complex still, there are lots of people who are primarily heterosexual but who prefer their sexual activity to treat them, in part at least, as though they were of the other sex. Hum, that sounds complicated, but actually it's not - many people don't even think twice about why, for example, some (many?) men prefer the woman to take charge and be on top, and once you get into the various artificial appendages and sex toys etc etc - I think, from what you wrote, you may know exactly where I am coming from on this one and may well have imagined it. I just want to assure you that it's not abnormal even if it's not quite usual.
Very few people have absolutes of male or female characteristics, likes and dislikes. Yours sound to be more mixed than most, and perhaps more varied than most. It may be that you are lucky to be able to feel like that and to experience desires that most of us would have trouble imagining.
I think you ought to focus on two thoughts:
First, it may not matter what physical sex your eventual partner is. What does matter, is finding someone you can love and someone that loves you, whatever the sexuality.
Second, and a little more complex, if, as I suspect, your sexual desires are fairly strong and that sex is going to be an important part of any relationship, try to clarify in your mind what exactly it is you want to DO. Once that becomes clearer, then it all becomes much easier and all you have to do is to find a loving partner with matching desires to do it with. And, quite definitely, he or she is out there somewhere.
Most important of all, don't try to be something that you are not and don't try to change what you feel. Clarify your thoughts, don't deny them (which it certainly doesn't sound as though you're doing). Go with it and make the most of it. Physical relationships are wonderful once you find the right person. Go find that person.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): I think it might be more about how you are feeling loved. Not getting much from family, can make you wonder where it will come from. Does this sound possible? If you seek within yourself, asking questions like "why do I feel this way; where is it coming from?", you might be able to answer your own questions. It takes time. Reading on the subject, and then pausing, especially if you feel any anxiety from what you have read, will expose feelings eventually, then you need to ask why you feel that way, and determine where the root of it lays.
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