A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my b/f 2 yrs. after his g/f broke their engagement and moved away. And judging from all the pictures he still had of her on his computer, and the things he had around his house when he asked me to move in, I knew he wasn't over her even though he claimed he was. Even now that I've been with him longer than she was, I still feel like I'm living in her shadow. I still feel like there are barriers that I cannot cross. And it probably didn't help matters when I stumbled onto some letters he wrote to her after the break up, wherein he vowed his soul would always belong to her and he would never love anyone as much as he loved her. He also made lists of things he missed about her, ranging from the way she cooked, to the way she liked to get all made up when they went out together, he said he was always to proud of her artistic talents and how she always kept the house neat, made the bed every day, made sure their was booze in the fridge, he always liked it when she did funny voices or acted silly and spontaneous and the list went on and on until I was ready to puke. I knew this woman he had been engaged to. She was 24 years old. She was on welfare and she had three kids all from different fathers. She wore a ton of caked on make-up and bright red lipstick. Her hair always looked fried because she dyed it herself and sometimes the top half was blonde and the bottom half was black. Her artistic talent consisted of paint-by-numbers on a dead cow's skull. She didn't know how to cook, she knew how to prepare hamburger helper. She wasn't funny or original, she was obnoxious and loud and got beligerent when she was drinking, which was most nights. When she left him, she took all his furniture, a bunch of money, his jewelry, and just about everything that wasn't nailed down. She hocked the $4,000.00 engagement ring he had so carefully picked out for her, for a mere $300.00. And this was the woman he vowed his soul to? Afterwards I couldn't help but compare myself to her. In some ways I'm nothing like her at all. But in some ways, there were similarities. For instance, I make the bed every day. He never says a word. I keep the fridge stocked and the house clean. I am a good cook, I'm always watching the food channel, and downloading recipes. He usually eats whatever I make and never says a word. I an a musician who plays classical guitar and piano. I realized at that moment he's never once remarked about my talent or made me feel like he's impressed with anything I do. When we go out, he always fusses if I want to fix my hair and put on a little make-up. If I'm in a silly mood and I try to clown around with him, he gets annoyed. It's all very puzzling to me, like I will never fill her shoes and I'm just wasting my time. I've never really understood what he saw in her to begin with, so how do I get past this? When I talk to him about it, he just says I'm being ridiculous and changes the subject.
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female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (23 September 2007):
 jealousy isn't a healthy thing. you have slagged his ex off non stop because you are feeling like you can't compare to her. this isn't her fault, it's your boyfriend who won't let go. she's not a threat and you need to understand that.your boyfriend could have written them letters at any time since the split and you reading them are an invasion of his privacy. you need to move on and put it behind you because if you don't you'll loose him.she's not with him, you are. good luck
A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (18 September 2007):
What more puzzling to me is why you think he is the best guy for you.
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