A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2. we have known each other a majority of our childhoods as well so we are extremely close. I am 20 and he is 21. We are both enrolled in college and earning our degrees and we both have full time jobs. We have talked about marriage, children, owning a home. We both currently live with family (i live with my great-grandmother to help take care of her since she is in very poor health), he lives with his family to be close to his grandfather who is also in poor health. He does not want to live together while his grandfather is so sick and altho i want to live together i understand because i do not want to leave my grandmother either. But lately all i can think of is wanting him to propose. I feel like we keep talking about the future but are doing nothing to make it happen, like we are putting our life together on hold because of our families and its frustrating. I dont know what to do. i try talking about it to him and he tells me it will all work out. But when? i dont want to wait til our grandparents die because 1) for all we know they can live another 6-10 years. 2) i would like them to be able to see us start our life, attend our wedding, see our children. I dont even mind being engaged for a year or 2 before we tie the knot. i just want us to start putting our life and happiness first and not putting it on hold because of everyone else (not that i mind taking care of my nana)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2013): Both your plates are full. You are quite aware of the fact that your boyfriend doesn't want to live together while his grandfather is "so sick." You both have to deal with college and jobs. YOU want to live together, and eventually marry.Sounds like your boyfriend is more committed and dedicated to caring for his sick grandpa than getting married. It is a personal decision he has every right to make. It's hard for you to see why living his own life, and having his own home, is going to keep either of you from taking care of your respective elders? He sees otherwise. So back off.All your expectations and concerns are very valid and mature. The fact is, you both aren't on the same page. He doesn't want to change his living arrangements for his own reasons. It is quite possible that he doesn't see marriage in the "near future." You're only 20 and 21! You both have plenty of time as far as the possibility of marriage goes. You want to get married, live together, and start a family. Here's what you need to consider. If you've known him as long as you have, then you know how strong his family ties are. You've spent the majority of your lives together. You both need to finish school and INCREASE YOUR EARNING POTENTIAL. This will be necessary to live together and start a family. You're in too much of a hurry. It's not up to you to decide when he should leave his family responsibilities to suit your wishes. I understand your hopes and dreams, but he also sees the realities as they are at the present. His grandfather and your grandmother must have few to no alternative elder-care options, and you're both in school.The financial stress, the demands of school, your jobs; topped with caring for ailing seniors is a whopping responsibility. Young marriages fail under less pressure and fewer responsibilities. He is wise enough to see that he isn't ready. Neither are you! If he isn't moving fast enough in the direction that you want; then I recommend that you consider moving on, and finding someone with fewer commitments at this time.
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