A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for almost a year now and he is the most kind, considerate, thoughtful man i have ever met.We knew one another at school but when i left home i didnt see him again for 20 years. When i got divorced 2 years ago i returned home and bumped into him and we hit it off. He had recently lost his wife and i was on my own because i was divorced.He gets on amazing with my family and my children and i feel so so lucky to have met him however i keep having these nagging doubts at the back of my head. We have fantastic sex and i feel really really close to him but sometimes i feel like he is smothering me with love and its just too intense.We are due to be going on holiday together to Australia in a few weeks and i dont know if i can put up with him being all over me for 2 weeks.What should i do - HELP
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (23 February 2009):
 You are in a place where most women would love to be. When a man shows you this great attention and affection you are recieving it can be wonderful. So many women and men alike suffer from the too distanct and cold partner relationship. I am sorry that you can't accept it for what it is. I do however understand. If you are divorced then you have probably had some really bad moments with a man who has claimed to love you. It's causes a fear or an anxiety of what will happen if you let really let him in.
In your own words you state that "He is the kind, considerate and thoughtful man you have ever met". This would give way to thinking that he probably is a keeper. However since you feel smothered by his attention you need to find a way to express the need for some space now and then. You can certainly let him know that you do feel he is all the things you mentioned above. You should choose your words with care. The smothering feeling may be present because you have never had this type of relationship with a guy and it feels great but a bit uncomfortable. You were divorced and trying to work out your life problems on your own. Thereby you had become a rather independently motivated woman. You don't want to loose that control most likely.
Take your time with the relationship. It can grow naturally and if he IS all that you believe him to be, it's possible that things will turn out well in the end. Spend time with him and let him know that you like him but you feel a bit uneasy about becomming to intense in the relationship part of your life. Ask him to allow you affection without feeling any pressures by not comming on so strong with his affections.(In other words ask him to slow things down a bit) He is probably over compensating,(It is making him seem a bit obsessive perhaps), for the fact that he lost his wife and gives you the extras because he is overly zealous to have you. Make sure he knows you like and want affection and attention but you want him to not place you on a pedestal because it makes you feel uneasy.
If he is kind and understanding, given that you use kind and using tactful wording, he is bound to UNDERSTAND. Just reassure him that nothing is wrong. You just need more time and a little space now and then. On your behalf I would suggest conseling to help you rationlize what is going on to cause you to feel this way. By knowing more about your and your feelings you can have a better way to cope and ease his feelings with what you need to say.
I don't think you should walk away. Talk to him, good communication is essential in any relationship. Take more time for yourself without giving him any idea that you don't want to spend the time with him. Make plans with a girlfriend to go shopping, visit your Mom for a girls luncheon, Go to the beauty shop or join a health club. That way you can do something to focus on you and spend time with you. This will help you to get more balance in the relationshp. Something in your emotions ispretty out of balance and it is causing alot of stress for you. When you focus more upon yourself while still seeing him,just a little less often, you will have more time to figure out just why you feel like you do and what you can and need to do about it all. LET GOD LEAD YOU BY SPIRIT AND ALLOW YOUR NEEDS TO BE MET BY HIS INTERVENTION. THIS MAN MAY BE A GODSEND. BE CAUTIOUS OF LETTING HIM SLIP AWAY!
I hope my advice helps.
Best wishes,
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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