A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel betrayed and dissapointed by my family. I'm not sure is it me or what i'm doing wrong that i deserve this kind of treatment. Basically it's favouritism just because i'm a daughter and not a son that develop into some kind of trauma that changed my personality.Since we were young, me and my 2 younger brothers were treated not equally the same. Sons were always the priority, there were memories about how my mom pushed me back and i fell down and hit my head when i was in arguement with my brother. The other was she kept some foods for my brother and when i said i want it too she said no. I asked why? She said " because he is a son". I can't forget it. The differences keep going bad until now. When i'm a teenager, i told them about what i feel. I asked them why my brother got better treatment than me. My parents won't admit that and ignored it. They will prioritize him ( the middle child) from small to big issue like talking with different tone with him to decide making investment and properties under his name. They talk so sweetly and respect him. While with me they often blame me or think negatively. They will think twice when talking with him but not with me. My dad doesn't allow me to learn how to drive a car while my brother was encourage to learn how to drive. My dad always wants a son. So when I was a firstborn who are a girl, he told my mom to keep dressing me like a boy. My mom on the other hand, bought premium cosmetics and fashion items for me in my teens.Fast forward to recent time, about 6 months ago my brother runaway from home and stole a good sum of money from my parents that was made under his name. It is because my parents disagree with the woman he choose to be with. He took all the bank token that made my parents can't do online transaction with their business partner and they need to do it manually. He wants to gain control of their business. He dislike if i went to my parent's office to help them. At first my mom asked my dad to asked the token back from him, but my dad refuse because he was afraid that it will make my brother got angrier and left them forever. My dad felt so sad and stressful at that time, he called almost all his friend about this without telling anyone of them that his son is running away with his money. He asked them if he was wrong to disagree with the woman his son choose. My brother will come home daily to give his dirty clothes for us and took the clean one, dirty plates and boxes of food and drinks that my mom prepared for him daily to clean and do some administration check of my parent's business. Yes, he help to run the family business. That's why my parents respect him so much.Everytime he came home, my dad will asked him if he is fine, which he answered not your business. And my mom will sneak foods to his bag ( if she asked him to take it he will refuse). I'm so done with this. I told them they should stop treating him like a king. Like he is always right. He said he bought machines from other country and he wants to have a factory himself. My dad helped him to make some addition electrical things for a full day himself until late at night. My mom told him you know dad was doing that for this long and he said "so, am i wrong?"I told them to just accept the truth and stop treating him like he is always right to do this to us. He betrayed and stole from them. That is fact. My dad said "he is my son and it's common child and parents got into relationship trouble and it will get better soon with time. I don't feel like he is stealing from me. I don't feel like he is a bad child. You are the one who is bad. Don't keep telling me about this".Currently i'm living with them with my toddler after i left my husband. My parents gave a house that is under renovation and probably next month it will be completed. I feel that they want me to move out, like they want to live without us. I feel hurt, dissapointed, lonely and scared at the same time. I have the picture that after i move out with my son to the other house which my husband will move in and we live together again my life won't get any better. New problem will come out soon. My husband is a liar, cheater and gambler. I never think i can be happy with him but i will give him the benefit of the doubt for the last time. I do it for my only child.Should i keep good contact with my family after i move out? I knew i will get hurt again seeing how they treat my brother and his future woman. But it will be a very lonely life to live without a family which i'm very used to be very close with.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2021): You have the power to make changes that your parents cant. You can teach your son to be respectful and to not treat women like an underclass.
You don't have to cut off from your family, even if you do move into the renovated house with your son.
You will probably get pregnant again and create another child.
You can also teach this child to be respectful.
You can't change your parents or others easily.
At least they are kind enough to care about their family and to provide for them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2021): You have a difficult life but your parents are kind.
If you step back from their problems with your brother and leave them to discover him for themselves that would probably be easier for you.
Your family prioritises boys and you have a son so you have some leverage but their way of thinking is very deep rooted.
Now that you feel you are prepared to give your exhusband a second chance you will have to see what happens.
You should know whose name the new house is in.
Your father is struggling to see what he wants from his son and he is prepared to accept his choice of wife if necessary.
Are you sure that the house is for you?
You must determine what your strengths will be.
No parents last forever, so your dad must be worried about the future.
He has no right to blame you for your brother's problems.
But it seems your parents will compromise to keep you all in their lives and that is ultimately a very good thing to remember.
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A
female
reader, ConfusedCarrie84  +, writes (6 September 2021):
I can understand how this feels and wether you should keep contact with your family. You have to ask yourself one question. Do you want to be happy and free from toxic people? Unfortunaltey, the toxic people in your life are you family.
I had the same situation, middle child, ignored and resented because I want to pursue my dancing career and get an education. Both my parents died when I was 15 so I no longer had to endure their treatment of me but I had 3 sisters who took on the traits of my parents. At 29 I moved away with my daughter and have never been happier.
Your family do not add to your life, they only take away from it. Would you allow a stranger to treat you this way? You wouldn't.
Only you can want better for you and your child. It's up to you to find the courage to do so.
I wish you all the best for the future.
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