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I feel alone, my family have literally abandoned me.

Tagged as: Family, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 June 2009) 8 Answers - (Newest, 3 December 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

hey .. can u help me.?

I'm getting more depressed. My sister is always out and doesnt never want to do anything with me any more. she is 18 and we have always been close. I am always home alone on my own an have nothing to do.. i have to sometimes cook myself, eat my dinner by myself. We used to all be a happy family but my mom is way too caaught up in her and my step dads love life. They go out for meals with his daughter and son... without me. I just dont feel loved at all.

My Dad is one person who makes me feel important but he is too caught up in his love life as well. My Nan died in December.. She always made me feel important. I have been left to get over it alone and I cry when Im alone. But people say i dont care she is dead. When My mom goes out for a meal she tells my sister to stay with me for a bit.. but my sister will just pick me up from school, drop me home and i will be alone from 5 till about 10. For about 4 nights a week sometimes. Its not like my moms working. We have a big house so its sometimes scary. I'm left to do chores like putting the chickens away in the dark night. I just dont feel that they care, what can I do? I just want to feel important and for us to spend time together. :(

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012):

Im so sorry your going thru this what seems to be alone.

I just seen your post. being that at this present time I too am going thru feelings of abandonment mainly from all my siblings mainly. for no apparent reason.

Im not a party animal or drinker like what seems to be all of them so Im not included in anything.

My closest sister lost interest in me since. My mother died going on 2 years now and since then its become more solid of my lost. Her, I had no choice she died of Breast Cancer. Them? I guess I became too much of a downer. apparently I should be smoking and drinking along side them and just go with it. laugh and forget instantly continuously. well thats not my way. Ive tried to stay in touch but no one really cares to.

Well, As Ive read you were approximately 16 17 when you posted this I hope your doing much better.

Ive lost a lot of ambitions in finding a way but I do hope that you have. Hopefully you have the Lord in your life. Even if it sometimes may seem like what good does it do to pray and things seem to not get better (Im says this to myself also) I know there is a reason for this all. and we all will answer to him. we must continue to pray.

Ask him to help us thru this and even pray for them who hurt us.

You're in my thoughts and prayers and all who are going thru feelings of betrayal and abandonment. I hope this will give you some shimmer of hope and enlightment. good luck and God Bless You always.

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A male reader, Clay99 United States +, writes (8 June 2012):

I am very sorry that has happened. My first advice would be that you should be content that you have a family. I am 40 and my family has completely abandoned me, mainly because I walked away from their religion and they think I am full of the devil now. I moved away just to get away from them and their extreme viewpoints. I visited them last year and they treated me like I am some kind of pond scum bacteria. It saddened me. In the last ten years they have done things to me to destroy me, including turning their back on me when I had a cancer scare.

The only saving grace for me is that I found a new lifestyle. It involves working 70 hours a week to keep my mind off of things and when I'm not at work I go to the bars and meet with friends and women. I feel much happier with this lifestyle, but sometimes I can see the old times with my family. It's so real. I can see us sitting around the camp-fire telling stories and then getting up at 5 am and going fishing. We'd fish and come back to camp and play card games and tell jokes. Then I can see Christmas morning and we're all sitting in front of the Christmas tree and everyone is so happy. My only regret is that I didn't reach out to my younger sisters as my older brothers were really mean to them. Since leaving Oregon I have written several books about the dangers of extreme Christian fundamentalism. Now I have to be really careful about visiting my family because I am afraid they'll set me up and try to corner me with their church members and verbally attack me. It saddens me to the core that my family can't see me for who I am and just accept me and care about me.

I hate to say this to you and I hope it doesn't detour you down a hard path, but sometimes it helps to learn to be hard and uncaring. I know that seems like a tuff answer but has helped me. Sometimes I feel like a young boy crying out for my mom and dad, but other time I feel mean and tuff and feel like I don't need anyone unless it's my club friends, and let me tell you, they have been more loyal and kind to me than any of my family or church friends.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011):

My dear,my opinion is make new friends and do some adventure.Something that u couldnt imagine.But my advice,maintain ur confidence and dont ever give up.Ignore them,lets have some fun.

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A female reader, 444Love United States +, writes (13 October 2009):

Hello, I'd like to share with you what I know and have learned in my life because I read your story and it touched me.

I can relate to it as I was feeling the same thing I did at your age.

Please don't call yourself "depressed". You're so much more than that. You're thoughtful, beautiful and conscious. Not everyone has that amazing and special sensitivity.

I speak from experience, as I too have had issues with parents (step parents as well as real parents-three sets).

Dads that were too busy with their 2nd wives that sort of left me to miss them, and emotionally and verbally abusive mothers, growing up I had to watch the struggles between them all unfold.

All these people-parents are all very bright, and caring in their own way but dysfunctional in their personal lives.

What I want you to understand is that you cant let THEIR adult issues and lack of awareness, reflect on who YOU are as a person.

You'll soon come to learn in life that everything, good or bad molds and shapes you.

EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

The older you get the more you will realize that to be the ultimate truth.

So this loneliness and the sadness that you feel, will eventually give you strength in your life. Don't let life tear you down.

There is a higher power calling you to become independant and strong.

If "they" cannot see, if they cannot understand the pain they cause you by leaving you, then the only choice you have is to move forward and realize that they are just acting selfishly.

My hunch is that they both had bad relationships with their spouses and are now just being selfish by wanting to feel this "in love" feeling again without regards to how you might be feeling.

I believe they were in such pain with their last relationships with each other that now, they just want to feel the happiness they've longed for so long. Don't fault them for that cause they're human too and we all make mistakes. Forgive them, it'll do you no good to hold on to biterness and anger. That only wears you out and weighs on your soul.

So now what message do I also lovingly send?

Get out on your OWN. FIND YOU--WHO YOU REALLY ARE.

Research or find out about hobbies, sports and activities that make YOU happy.

Be involved, get a job that you like and meet other people your age.

It'll give you a new found sense of the independant, strong and beautiful girl that I know is in there somewhere wanting to express herself and come out.

And most of all, remember...parents have a great way of potentially F***ing up their kids up with their parent issues.

DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN to you.

I almost did and I've paid for it because I didn't know any better at the time. The internet wasn't around and things weren't talked about as freely as they are nowadays.

Lastly I want please urge you to stay in school go on to college.

Complete and go forward with your studies and give yourself more of an active chance and a real say-so.

Education = money = power over your own life.

Then you'll never be a slave to anyone because you will be able to stand on your own two feet. And that's a wonderful thing, trust me.

Just as important....- Always, always think positive:)

Don't let negative thoughts, fear and sadness infect your life.

This is probably the best advice I can give you.

We attract what we think, remember that always.

You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you.

Take this opportunity: your youth, your fresh start as a catalyst and run with it!!!! You're so lucky to be young so don't waste it on sadness and adult issues-focus on nurturing and loving yourself.

With love I say this too...Do yourself the biggest favor you possibly can. Stay away from drugs and alcohol.

Don't mask your pain with either. It's just going to make it worse.

It may not make it worse tonight, tomorrow or in 5 years but eventually it will. I promise.

Drugs or alcohol will seem to numb you for a while and suppress your pain but will eventually add so much more sadness and agony that you don't need in your life.

I hope you find your way. I know you will:)

Good luck and take care of yourself.

There is a silver lining in every cloud, I promise.

It just takes vision and faith in yourself.

Become the butterfly that's in your heart and think

with joy and faith. Transform.

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A female reader, Strawberry Fields Brunei Darussalam +, writes (23 June 2009):

First of all, *hugs*

Second of all, try talking to your mom, ask her if you can join going out with the stepdad and his son etc. Maybe you can tell her that you want to know them. Now, in truth maybe you actually don't, but anything to persuade your mom so that you can get involved. I understand your situation, I am a child of divorced parents myself and my mum has also remarried. Ever since that my dad has gotten further and further and only contacts us through text messaging once in about 2 or 3 months and sometimes longer, and only sees us once in a blue moon. Anyway I'm not saying our situation is the same but I have an idea of what you mean. Like the others have suggested, why not ask your mom if you can invite some friends over for pizza or watching dvd or sleepover (if their parents allow them)?

If you want, and if you don't feel like you can get out everything out of your chest by speaking, you can also write how you feel on a piece of paper, about ur nan, about how you feel lonely and how you wish u cud spend time with ur mom and not be left behind, and maybe "accidentally" leaving it somewhere where ur mom and/or sister can read it? Don't be too obvious though. But try talking to them first. Hold on okay?

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A female reader, timetoheal United States +, writes (23 June 2009):

timetoheal agony auntI am so sorry others are making you feel this way...we all need to feel loved, appreciated and valued...Please don't feel discouraged, don't feel that you are not worth anything...because you are worth SO SO MUCH...when you feel lonely, there is always someone you can talk to who will never forsake you or abandon you...He loves you so very much and wants to wash away your pain and tears...he is there when you think no one else is...he knows your heart and loves you...cry out to him, ask him for his strength, ask him to fill you with his love and he will...his name is Jesus and he is waiting to hear from you...

Repeat this prayer when you feel alone:

Dear God, I feel alone right now. I feel sad. I know that you love me and that you are here with me. Take away my sadness and my fears. Shower me with your love and protection. Show me that I am your beloved child and that you will never leave me. Thank you my Sweet Jesus, for your love.

Amen

If you have a Bible go to Psalm 27:10, it says:

"Even if my mother and my father abandon me, the Lord my God will NEVER forsake me..."

Trust this promise....

TIME TO HEAL

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A female reader, Samii United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2009):

Samii agony auntmy heart goes out 2 you it must be so hard and at such a young age. i think ynu should talk 2 your mum i know it wil be hard bt fings wil onli get worse if u let them. maybe u shud try n get mre involvd in your family affairs. u cud also try n talk 2 your sister as you said you used 2 be close x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009):

wow..thats not right at all...how old are you?

i know how annoying and difficlt it can be, but you're gonna ahve to speak to your mum about it...perhaps ask if you can both have a girlie night in together for a change? (depending what ur relationship with your mum is like)

if your not comfortable twith that..then speak to your sister and ask her to speak to your mum for you,

dont blame your sis- she is young too and i can imagine she has a life of her own to lead (please dont take that harshly)

invite a mate round to have a sleepover? I know that isnt a long term solution but it may perk you up a bit...

or speak to your dad

i hope this helps, and do reply if you want any mroe help,

dont worry though, im sure speaking about it will help :)

aunt isabella xx

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