A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Got a situation that's been nagging me for a while now, but first, let me give some backstory.About a year ago, some of my friends introduced me to their other group of friends. I hit it off with them immediately, and very quickly became good friends with everyone in the group. One of my new friends, J, and I developed mutual crushes on each other, and we've been happily together ever since.At the time that J and I got together, every single one of the other friends in our group was either dating someone else in the group or in ambiguous territory as far as relationships go. Over time, however, all of their relationships fell apart. In fact, things were so bitter between them that most of the girls in our group just quit talking to the rest of us. I've barely seen them since.J and I were fairly disconnected from all that drama, so we remained good friends with the guys, and the girls still talk to me when I do see them. As another year of college started, however, all the guys were still single and wishing they weren't. This might seem like a trivial detail, but it's the source of the problem.All of my guy friends now appear to have crushes on me.I don't know if I'm just getting preferential treatment because I'm the only girl that regularly hangs out with them or if there's something else going on. All I know is that I catch them staring at me, finding innocent excuses to touch my arm, giving me whatever I ask for and offering more, et cetera.I don't really know what to do with this, since we're all close friends here. Maybe it's just a game for them, maybe it's not, but either way, I don't want to make J jealous and don't want to quit spending time with my friends. Any light you can shed on this?
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female
reader, nessamae +, writes (20 September 2009):
I would talk to your friends about their newly developed affection for you. I had a somewhat similar situation happen with my boyfriend and I, just vice versa and I am not friends with his female friends. One girl in particular actually had the nerve to ask him out, very well knowing that I was his girlfriend.
Anyway, he told her that she had two options: 1. Don't ever ask him out again, don't think that there is any chance of them being together, and respect the relationship he currently has with me. OR 2. If you can't get over your feelings and don't trust yourself to not cross those boundaries, then the friendship would end. It worked. They are still friends, but she now knows that that is all they are and will ever be.
Basically, don't be afraid to assert yourself to your friends; let them know you are in a relationship and it's not okay for them to be all googly-eyed around you. If they feel lonely they should set their sights on a girl that ISN'T taken.
:) Good luck.
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